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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

How do you change your life, when it seems so hard to do so ??

11 replies

MrsMorgan · 10/10/2010 12:10

I hate my life. It is boring and totally unenjoyable because there are several things I don't like about it.

I have 3 dc, all good and fine there. They are typical kids, well behaved one minute and angels the next. Woudn't change any of that.

Have just gone back to work, 30 hours a week. The job is ok, but mind numblingly boring. Don't have to work bank hols or weekends though, and I am home to fetch the dc from school each day.

I hate my house. It is a HA one and needs far too much doing to it for me to keep up with, and is generally too big. I constantly feel like I am fighting a losing battle with it.
Given the choice, i'd downsize to a 3 bed either in this area or in my dreams somewhere else. But a)no one would currently swap as the house is a shit hole, and b) can't move too far atm because of job/childcare.

Oh and I am terminally single, but have kind of given up on that one anyway, as the other things are more important.

All of things seem so easy to change in my head, but hard to change in RL and so I end up ging round in circles and never actually getting anywhere.

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Niceguy2 · 10/10/2010 12:13

One step at a time. Pick one thing and work on that. Start with something small. So for example, with the house, start with painting a room.

If you end up trying to run in all directions, you end up going nowhere.

Original poster

MrsMorgan · 10/10/2010 12:29

That is very true. I do usually end up trying to start one thing before finnishing another.

I have got nearly all of the things I need to decorate the dining room, so going to get that done over Oct half term.

I need to decide wether moving is likely or not though, because it will affect how much I send on doing things to the house. If I am staying then i'd like the hall,stairs and landing replastered, but if I am not staying then i'd just have it papered and but nice but cheap carpet down.

OP posts:

soverign21 · 10/10/2010 17:52

Am assuming HA stands for housing association (sorry if im wrong) if thats the case and you want to downgrade to a 3 bed then i should think you wouldn't have a problem getting an exchange, so make the place look nice but don't spend too much money on it

Also make a list of what you want to achieve and do it one at a time crossing them off and/or adding as you go, sometimes doing something doesnt show in the grand scheme of things so if it's ticked off a list it will make you feel like you are achieving something IYSWIM

Original poster

MrsMorgan · 10/10/2010 22:03

That's a good idea about the list

HA does mean housing association yes. Unfortunatly though there are two nicer houses in my road also up for exchange.

You are right though, I just need to crack on with it and do a bit at a time.

OP posts:

soverign21 · 11/10/2010 00:04

TBH it doesnt matter how nice the house is it depends on where you want to go, the people up the road might be very specific about where they want to go and what they want from the house, so if you look at somewhere and think yeah it's got potential then you could move a lot quicker than them

When i wanted a bigger property as long as it was in the area i wanted i would have jumped at it no matter what, as it went i ended up giving mine up and private renting but i was trying to upgrade, which can be very hard and my timescale to move was short as i couldn't take the cramped conditions any longer

If it's what you really want to do then put yourself on the exchange register now to get a feel for what's out there, then slowly do some decorating and keep your fingers crossed that it will happen

I wish you all the luck in the world xx

desiretochange · 11/10/2010 12:41

I could have written your post:) I too have no interest in my house, my job is boring and reckon I will be terminally single! There is so much I want to do and change but can't seem to motivate myself. My upstairs bathroom could do with a good clear out and paint job but the thought of tackling it is totally overwhelming:(

jamestkirk · 11/10/2010 23:08

hey madam m - first thing to think of is the kids - they are after all the good thing youve got going - so well done etc, but - is it a good time to relocate? means changing schools and such of course. is easy to dream of doing it, but to go it alone and uproot everyone may not be good - is just a matter of timing.
so if you were to stay in school's area then look at where youd like to go. get on to ha, find out where they have properties etc. put ads in their local shops if need be. and just get your place presentable.
if youd rather relocate then go for it - same things apply, just a bit harder.

allgonebellyup · 12/10/2010 12:10

i hated my life a couple of years ago, i was miserable. Had split with my dh after 5yrs and was alone with 2 dc and a part time job i hated (being a nanny - isolating).
Now i have a job i adore (unqualified teacher at the mo in a 2ndary school), enough money to be happy with, a horse i never thought i would own, healthy kids and a new relationship that is amazing.

i had none of this 2 yrs ago. It was a very gradual thing. First i focused on finding a job i knew i would be good at and love. I feel appreciated in my work, and i look forward to going there every morning. Am hoping to become qualified soon. The money helps, which pays for my active social life (and the horse!) Once i found i was truly happy by myself with the dc, then my new boyf suddenly came along without me even particularly looking.

You can only take things one step at a time. Honestly, 2ys ago i would have been happy to never wake up again (check out my username), and i never thought it could ever get any better.
Please dont give up!!!!!

desiretochange · 12/10/2010 15:29

Hi allgone what do you think the secret is? focus on one area of your life at a time?

Original poster

MrsMorgan · 12/10/2010 17:20

Thank's for the replies.

I'm feeling slightly less stressed about all of this than I did the other day, but things do still need to change.

Wrt the house, I wonder if maybe it is the fact that the house needs stuff doing to it that is making me hate it. So first off I am going to concentrate on getting one room done at a time, and then see how I feel as I go along.
If after I have done a couple of rooms, I still feel the same then I will put it back up to swap.
At the moment, I would still have to stay in this area, because xp has 2 of the dc every morning when I go to work.

Have also had a think about my job and have decide to just not panic. I work in an area in which people move from dept to dept all of the time and so I ould easily do that if a job comes up elsewhere.
Have also looked into doing a computer course one night a week starting after xmas.

I think one of my problems is that I rarely do anything for myself. So, I have this new job, but atm it is only really benefiting the kids, not me.

OP posts:

allgonebellyup · 12/10/2010 18:48

i just had the feeling that things could not stay the same forever. And i asked myself what i really wanted to do job-wise, and came up with teaching secondary, although i never had the confidence to do it before.
Best decision i ever made. The rest just seemed to happen gradually afterwards. Not saying my life is 100% perfect now, but perhaps i wouldnt want it to be!

Best of luck

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