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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Discrimination, simply life or is it me?!?!?!

8 replies

StellaBrillante · 08/10/2010 12:47

Has anyone ever felt somehow pushed aside by the married parents? Have you ever felt like the parents? evening outcast because you are on your own?
There is quiz evening at ds? new school and I was excited about going along with a couple of other parents (two sets of parents to be more precise, in other words both mum and dad present) but seeing that I hadn?t heard anything, I decided to ask the mums whether they had got their tickets for it. Well, they have. No, they didn?t think to mention it to me. No, they didn?t even ask me whether I am going. I?ve never been good at dealing with playground politics, partly a reflection of ds always having had to go to after school club and me rushing around like a headless chicken for most of the time. I don?t quite know what to make of it and it has crossed my mind that it?s actually me as person as opposed to my circumstance.

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janyjane · 08/10/2010 15:51

Not nice but I expect its thoughtlessness. I've been left out of the loop before now and I understand what it feels like. Is it down to the parents to make up tables? how many to a table. You could ask if you could join their table and then buy a ticket or if you don't want to do that because you feel snubbed, why don't you speak to the organiser to see if there are any other parents who are going alone?

ValiumSingleton · 08/10/2010 16:33

that's tough... I think there is a certain type of married person who can only socialise in units of two for some reason.... I have come across it myself too.

A common assumption is that because you are single you have ZERO social life. to quote UA, you must be crying in to your pot noodle every night.

It's true, I'll admit it, I haven't been to a dinner party in a long, long time, but I have at least as many girlfriends as the average married woman. But I have noticed that people assume that because I'm not married I have no life and no friends AT ALL. A couple of people have come up to me and put their head to one side and say 'do you manage to get out at all?'.

I'm working on trying to build up some single friends right now... I'm out tomorrow night with two single women...
because you can't bitch about this stuff to married friends

ValiumSingleton · 08/10/2010 16:35

ps, stella, go and get a ticket and sit next to them. If they react oddly to that then they are odd. What's the worst they can think 'oh you won't belieeeeve it, a single woman had the temerity to join our team.'

Aminata100 · 09/10/2010 11:43

I notice this too, I think that either the woman thinks you're out to get her husband or they think single parenting might be catching! :o

This is NOT about you!

Good idea to ask the person doing the organising, surely you're not the only single parent in the whole school? (You might find a whole new support network!).

Original poster

StellaBrillante · 10/10/2010 23:24

Hi,
Thank you all and just what I thought of doing! At the end of the day, I want to support the school and the parents association with it and the only reason why I haven't become more involved yet is that we currently live 45 mins drive from the school so can't justify the round trip in the middle of the week - not with ft work, ds' activities and no help around!

It's pretty disheartning though. Do they think that I chose / set out to be a single parent?!?!

Anyway, as per before, thank you for the words of support!

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gillybean2 · 11/10/2010 07:30

Absolutely not just you. Happens all the time. I just remind myself that one day they will be single too and then may then get a clue (or at the least a reality wake up call). Course they'll probably blame their predicament on in socialising with you. SIngleitis is very catching dontcha know!

girliefriend · 13/10/2010 21:03

yes happens all the blommin time, at first thought it was just me being overly sensitive but now dd is 4 and a half have accepted that it is a fact of life that for some reason I make other married parents feel quite uncomfortable! Deep sigh

Original poster

StellaBrillante · 14/10/2010 09:09

right, so I've got tickets and have offered to help out on the evening too - I like to make myself useful and it'll keep me busy. It's reassuring to hear that it's not just me though being WEIRD! I think I'm a bit naive... and before, because ds was younger and it was so hard to keep us afloat, I didn't notice it as much and put it down to the fact taht I wasn't one of the playground mums - it was in and out and ds always had to stay for the after school club. Thank you for your support ladies and wish me luck!!! ps. following Aminata100 suggestion, I emailed the organiser and asked her to put me in a group - I also made a joke about not surely not being the only single parent attending and she was really nice about it

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