summerise your story

[single1ds]

Hi
just had a glass of wine and thought of an idea, as you do :-)
i "know" a few usernames but just wanted to know your stories. what were your circumstances that led you into this position? how do you cope? and what do you see your future as being?
I'll start.
briefly, i had been with partner 8 yrs before we got married, 5 years ago, so together around 12 ish years. we have a nearly 3 yr old and he left me 15 months ago by renting a flat without telling me and no warning, he will still not open up to how he feels but blames me.
i cope by never stopping, which isnt good, i coped by being in denial a LONG time, probably still am, i cope by throwing everything into looking after ds. i exercise a lot and have lost nearly 4 stone.
my future? i dont yet know but am hoping to finish degree and am thinking about filing for divorce. so thats me xx

Here goes.......I met my now ex when I was 16, married at almost 21. With hindsight way too young. Separated almost 15 years & 2 dc later. He had found himself a younger model.I suspect he had been playing the field for several years & had never been caught out.
I'm now 11 years down the line and very proud of my achievements....I've moved house, gone back to work having been a SAHM for 8 years. Studied for a degree and am now contemplating a masters.
My children appear to be kind and polite. (All my work!)

Met my ex when I was 16 like brightwell and got trapped into a cycle of believing that him loving me was enough to compensate for me not loving him. Had DD1 at 21, things got really bad and I almost left but an shot at counselling and attempt at reconcillitaion lead to me being pregnant again and I felt too guilty to take his kids away from him. I had antenatal depression with DD2 and had a wonderful counsellor who made me realise just how unhappy I was pretending to love someone. Finally got up the courage to leave 8 months ago and moved the kids and myself up North for a fresh start. Feel incredably guilty about leaving ex and taking the kids away from him but I am happier than I have been since I was 16 and a better mother than I ever was. I am starting a degree next September hopefully as I now believe I can do anything! I mean a degree after raising two kids single handed will be a doddle :-)

Met my h when i was 16 too, married at 21, had dd (after 6 years of fertility treatment) at 30 and at age of 34 found out he was having an affair with my best friend (been going on 8 months) so we separated after 13 years of marriage and later got divorced.

Met h number 2 a year later and had ds together and after being together nearly 8 years (married for 6) found out he had been having an affair for nearly a year so we separated 2 and a half years ago. We are not divorced yet, am saving up.

So here i am, aged 45 as a single parent. DD is 15, ds is 10. I work full time as a childminder and am also carer for my disabled parents. We get by ok, its hard work though. DD does not see her dad (her choice) but ds sees his dad every weekend.

I have however met a lovely man who I am in a relationship with and my kids adore him as he does them. He is 11 years older than me but is a perfect gentleman and looks after me and spoils me. We dont live together and to be honest i dont think i will ever want to live with anyone again but we are happy so thats all that matters!!

Met dd dad when I was 19, first serious boyfriend. Looking back I probably felt more for him than he did for me. Had on off relationship for a year then got pregnant. He didnt want to stay so from 4 months I was on my own. 15 years on I have a lovely dd, but she has never met her dad. Have just returned to work after 15 years and thinking of doing a degree. At 36 I've never been married or lived with anyone so I'm not sure if I'm too set in my ways to live with anyone now.

Ummm EX DP was an idiot. Used me as a punchbag alot. Had DD at 20 and Ex left when she was 10 days old. Didn't see her for almost a year and now turns up when he feels like it and never payed a penny. Wouldn't change my DD for the world and Secretly can't wait for DD (4) to realise what a twat he is!

I work Part time Have a lovely house and despite DD having some behaviour issues (poss ADHD) She is a very bright, happy, loving girl and that all thanks to me!

Met DH on holiday at 20,when i got back off holiday i started nurse training so we was 100 miles away. we bought a house near his home just before i qualified, but he called it all off just before i was due to move.i moved anyway into rented cos i had a job.We got back together got married when i was 24 DS at 25 DD at 28,was always home sick but loved DH more than my need to go home, until 2 years ago.Something changed not sure what,he as led me on promising we would look to moving back to my home as a family. (my mum is ill also and i wanted to be closer to look after her, i have ME so wanted support for me too). Realised like a bolt out of blue on big family holiday i had had enuf, moved out just over a month ago, sadly not home cos DH wont let me take kids, which i understand, but i am feeling so much better, happier and more like myself.

Your dh won't let you take the kids? WTF? Take them anyway.

Ive looked into it but because kids are 11 and 9 they would be interviewed and asked where they want to stay, i cant do that to them. I think DS would chose to stay,just because of his age, also DH has cried alot in front of them, accused me of affairs and everything (im not sure when i have had time for an affair,which by the way i havent had)whilst they have been in ear shot, even asked them who did they want to live with if i moved home. He is manipulative in very subtle way. His family who live very near by completely ignore me, and his friends are my friends. Its a bit lonely here, but i go home more, when kids with DH.

So thanks poshsinglemum id be telling me to take them too, but the reality is i cant.

Haven't posted on here much as this is new to me but I have known ex DF since I was 16 (he was 29), went out briefly at 18 then were just close good friends, he even came to my wedding and when I left my DH and got divorced got together with him.

I moved in and we went through IVF (as I cant conceive naturally) had DS who is 11 months and is my whole world. We were together about 4 years but he became a PITA soon after DS was born. We argued a lot, he became more and more selfish and lazy (he has never taken DS out of his own accord and thinks when he looks after him if I was out that he was babysitting Grrr) He was a total mummy's boy even though he is 45

Anyway things came to a head when he wouldn't sell his flat to move to a house (flat was totally unsuitable but I had spent over £25K on renovating it and stupidly didn't put my name on it) so I moved out with DS and it has only been a month but haven't looked back, its the best thing I did and I don't think I could live with a man again, cannot abide being taken for granted and becoming a laundry/cooking slave again!

Married at 28, had a few miscarriages then ahd 2 DCS now 5 and 3.

LAst year dh started having an affair with very good family friend of both of us. I find out by somone I know at work taking a foto of them and showing me. Went home, switched on computer and found his saved e mails to her - gut wrenching.

that was 7 months ago and where am I now. DH still in house has made no effort ot move out - for DCs sake apparently. Also I ahd back surgery so needed someone around to help me. She and he see each other regularly, her paartner and father of her two kids does not know what is going on and I am stuck in limbo.

The words out of his mouth are one thing then his actions are another. He has destroyed our lives and she ahs done nothing to take a step into their bright little new future where the world will be hunky dory for everyone.

Hate the situation, hate feeling crap and worthless and just keep going out ot work, caring for DCs and watching my previously wonderful hubby act like a complete twat of a younger woman who has so far sacrificed nothing.

onlyone,
i cannot beleive your situation and honestly do not know how you carry on going to work. what a complete ba**d your ex is, not to mention your "good" family friend OW and what about her poor partner who still doesnt know.
you are not crap and worthless and it will all come out in the end and you will come out better off.
i hope you can get out of this situation as quick as possible for YOUR sake

With ex DH from being 15. Married at 27 and fell pregnant immediately. DD arrived 6 mths later and DH started an affair whilst she was in NICU

Found out about the affair when DD was 5 mths old but tbh had realised from day one just didn't have the head space to cope with it

After much too-ing and fro-ing between me and OW I finally came to my senses and filed for divorce which came through on our 3rd wedding anniversary (!)

Now I have a new career, gorgeous almost 3yr old and own my own house - which is lovely . Not rich but not penniless either.

Enjoying life in the main but often feel the strain working FT with a toddler on my own but conversely I am broody as hell and it upsets me that I don't have a choice in that matter at the moment

I've had a few flings which have been nice confidence boosts but atm happier just being on my own with DD and certainly wouldn't swap where I am to go back with DH before or after the affair!!!

Met ex when I was 18 - had a brief fling and fell pregnant which I didn't realise until at we had split. He wasn't interested in DD at all. Saw her a 10 days old and never again.

Was a happy single mum for 3 years, dates once for a year. He left me for some scrubber working in his golf club kitchen.

Was happy single mum for another 3 years. Then fell for a guy. 4 months in I'm shocked to find out I'm pregnant again despite being told it'll never happen again due to hormone problems. ExP seems distracted. Says he's not keen on idea but I think he'll eventually come around. He has a daughter already and seems to love being a father. Finally get him to admit what is on his mind - he is 'happily' arrived and not separated as he'd stated before. Begs me to move away, abort the baby whatever - just NEVER get in touch with him again. He wants to keep his perfect family and his wife wlll make his life hell if she finds out....

She finds out. She forgives her DH and makes MY life hell instead.

DS has never seen his father. ExP is too 'broken' by the whole situation to be involved with him.

So now, several years on, I am once again a happy single mum and when that 3 year mark comes around I fully anticipate a wobble towards the dating world and will develop a bout of agoraphobia or become a nun until it passes.

No more lying men for me!

that should say 'happily married' and not arrived - grrr

Got to the dreaded 35 with no prospective father for my longed-for child in sight....reluctantly started considering sperm donors. Met man who promised me adventure, love and children v.v. fast...Got pregnant within a week! Man ran away- then came back, messed with my head when DS was born, then ran away again.

Starting to get over it and really enjoy life with my lovely baby, just suffering from guilt at not having found a loving daddy for my son, and thinking that it would have been a cleaner, more stable decision to go down the sperm donor route after all!

I have 3 DDs who are 8, 2 and 8 weeks. I was 22 when DD1 was born. I wasn't in a relationship with her dad and she has had very little contact. Earlier this year he went to court to test paternity which came back positive. I got together with exDH just over 3 years ago but have known him for 13 years. Fell pregnant with DD2 very quickly and married within a year. DH gave up his job just after getting married and has not had a proper job or contributed since then. Started arguing alot a couple of months before DD3 was born and he moved out 7 weeks ago. The flat I live in belongs to him and his exGF and I hate it here. I had been coping ok feeling a lot better than I did to begin with until he told me earlier he is interested in someone else. Am looking to move back nearer to my parents but he is trying to emotionally blackmail me into staying here. Just taking one day at a time and trying to stay busy!

maledetta

I am 40 and now have DS (5 months) through IVF by donor. I still have guilt that he wont have a daddy or some of the life chances that kids in 2 income 2 parent households.

But he is lovely and it makes me forget all the pain , time and money, dealing with doctors, clinics etc get pregnant.

we call him the "l'oreal" baby ..because he's worth it

I am 26 and have DS who is 3.

Was with DS's Dad from age 20 whose health took a turn for the worse and we've had a very stressful time of it, he was really dragging me down, relying on me and causing me financial problems. (Running up phone bills in my name, spending my money online shopping against my wishes, leaving me with no money to pay to travel to work, bullying me into taking student loans and use overdrafts to treat him, also not fantastic at childcare although keen to tell everyone he is the stay-at-home parent).

Not to mention the stress of lying as he wanted everyone to think he was working, whereas I was working and studying, parenting and housekeeping, whilst he was playing at being an artist (musician, author, you name it, he's planning on getting rich)

It was very hard and there would be periods of time when we had no money, stayed at home/sleeping for a full week only eating pasta or rice, mostly due to his complete financial fuckwitery and skills in pleading that he has had such a hard life...

He has me wrapped around his little finger, even now I can't get a penny out of him for DS, he has been promising me £10 a week for 6 months now, yet every time he tells me he doesn't have the money or starts explaining about his savings account I feel like putting a bullet in my brain to save myself hearing it!

I have been single for most of this year and started dating a very nice man now.

I have finished studying and got a new job.

I am looking forward to the future!

Well I think my story is pretty well documented on here, have posted endlessly about it .

Broke up with a boyfriend I had moved to be with. Found a flat and already had a pretty decent job. Was enjoying life being single but not realising how much I was enjoying it iyswim? I had sort of resigned myself to being single, no kids forever, I was 30 after all!

Met ExH. Got engaged and married very quickly, won't say how quickly as it is too embarassing and ds was born 14 months later. I couldn't have been happier, really thought this was it for me. A few years later we tried for another dc and after a year had dd, we had our ups and downs but it was ok on the whole, I thought.

Now here is what was really happening. When I was 7 months pregnant with ds (we had only been married a year by then) ex H started an affair with a girl he worked with. I didn't know it at the time but I can pin point to the day when things started to go wrong with us and I found out afterwards it was the day he went out with her for the first time. I worked right up till nine months pregnant, was so worried about money because I was only temping albeit well paid and obviously this would come to an end once ds arrived. I found out later that he had been spending money on this girl, clothes, drinks, meals, hotels while I was struggling to work at 9 months pregnant to earn as much money as possible.

Turns out this was only the beginning when that ended he had an encounter with someone else he worked with and then started basically shagging anything that moved. All this time I was pregnant and then trying for dd while he was doing this.

You might think that someone behaving like this would try to make it up to their wife a little wouldn't you? But no, he would come home and slag off the housework, my parenting, never once got up with the babies, used to go mad about me going out or having friends. When we had a row he would say the most disgusting, vicious things to me. Cant even be arsed to go into detail here.

So we are separated now and he pays child support but then always comes to me borrowing money towards the end of the month, with the threat of not paying the child support hanging over me if I don't lend it to him, asks me for lifts and basically just takes the piss.

I am single and think I always will be. I feel very lucky that I have my dc and they are the only good thing about him.

I don't really have any RL friends they all live abroad or we lost touch as things were so bad with ex h it was a case of just getting from one day to the next. I am, however doing a degree with the OU and hoping that this will provide some kind of financial future for me and my dc, I would hate to be dependant on him forever.