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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

schools and non resident parent

11 replies

dylsmum1998 · 02/10/2010 20:33

just a quick question if anyone knows the answer

can a school stop the non resident parent from collecting a child from school if there are no issues regarding child safety. Ie just because the resident parent doesn't want him to on a particular day because it doesnt suit her?

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Over40 · 02/10/2010 20:35

I think if you had expressed a wish that no-one but yourself should collect the child unless you notify them, then the school would generally keep to your wishes.
What info on the other parent did you fill in when you applied to the school? My ex lives 3 hours away so I left him off completly.

Original poster

dylsmum1998 · 02/10/2010 20:38

its not my child its my friends.

The dad collects the child often, they parents were together when the child started so he is on all forms etc as able to. Just one particular day the mum didn't want dad to collect the child. No reason other than she didn't want him too

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GypsyMoth · 02/10/2010 20:48

if he has pr,then no,can't be stopped!

Over40 · 02/10/2010 20:54

Ahhh. I think she needs to decide if she is going to use her child as a pawn in this game or not..... Just deciding you don't want them to pick the child up isn't enough IMHO. Sorry a bit harsh but how awful for a child to be caught in the middle.

Snorbs · 02/10/2010 20:55

It depends on a lot of things. Whether the non-res parent has PR, if there's a court order for contact and what it says, the school's enthusiasm for getting involved in this kind of thing, even how old the child is etc.

If both parents has PR and there's no court order specifying residency and contact then the school probably shouldn't prevent either parent from picking up the child. PR (absent a court order) says that both parents should be regarded as equal.

That being said, one parent picking up the child from school without the other parent's knowledge or consent is an arsey thing to do and is unlikely to make anything better in the long term.

My DC's school did do this a few times for me but under different circumstances and on the instigation of Social Services. They wanted to make sure my ex couldn't pick my DCs up from school so after the last lesson they were escorted to the school office where I collected them. It's not something that is needed in normal circumstances though.

Original poster

dylsmum1998 · 02/10/2010 21:08

no issues, he has parental responsibility. Just asking as I feel for the child being caught in it all. Have been trawling the net trying to find info on this and not managing to show them both to try and get them to work it out between them. They are now involved in a "i'm right your wrong" kinda battle and I want to try and help them resolve it for the child.

The dad phoned mum to say can I pick him up cos I have unexpcted day off, she decided it was to short notice so no. Or something like that don't truely understand what the issue was. Dad wanted to pick him up so he didnt need to go to after school club

Snorbs your situation sound lots different to theirs hope you have resolved it now

OP posts:

Snorbs · 03/10/2010 11:10

It sounds like a six of one, half a dozen of the other thing to be honest. I can understand the dad's position in wanting to use his free time to see his son. But then I can understand the mum's side in not wanting last-minute changes of plan, particularly if the child is quite young.

I think the best thing they can do right now is to discuss how to handle this kind of thing if it comes up in the future. The amount of notice would be important to me although that depends on circumstance. At the very least I'd want enough notice so that I could ask the school to pass DC a note telling him/her of the change of plan.

Original poster

dylsmum1998 · 03/10/2010 14:34

Your right it is a bit of both of them, just makes me so cross that they are using their children like this. I was used like this as a child and makes me so to see it being done to another.

OP posts:

Snorbs · 03/10/2010 14:37

Indeed. It's not fair on the child at all. Maybe point the parents in the direction of mediation?

readywithwellies · 03/10/2010 21:58

Is there a routine already in place? If not, this needs to be arranged so dc knows where he/she is. Seems to me that it is unfair if the NRP can waltz in when it suits, even if third party childcare is being used, as this is time where the RP has responsibility for the dc. But if no set routine is in place, you can't blame the NRP for trying to see his dc.
The RP has arranged the childcare and this should not be changed without her permission to keep the peace. However, agree the school wouldn't stop a NRP with PR to collect.

pithyslicker · 04/10/2010 12:20

Can you imagine someone saying no if the couple were still together?
'Hi I'm finishing early I'll pick Dc up' reply
'No it'll disrupt their routine'

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