aaaaaaagh ex husband being a pain or is it me?

[prettypurpledaisy]

Just had rude message from exhusband accusing me of keeping kids from him.
Quick history kids see him weekends he is not working. All fine with me him and kids (sometimes). Ds arranged trip with friend back in june so cant see his dad this weekend.
Apparently I am being unfair as he wont see them for next three weeks as he is working.
Is this my fault? I am so cross I have tried so hard to keep this amicable.
No official arrangement, if i suggest he takes me to court will he stop paying child support?
aaaaaaagh

Can he not re-arrange his work?

My ex is like this - all contact has to be based around him, to the extent where he has cancelled and then asked me to rearrange a pre-booked holiday to accommodate him! Then he calls me unreasonable, when actually he is being unreasonable. I just ignore him and carry on as I said I would.

I am guessing the contact is ad-hoc? Do you pre-arrange the dates so you both know when they are going to dads?

I think if he knew it was arranged he should have worked around those dates?

send him a text back asking for his bosses number as you will give him a tinkle and tell him it is so unfair ont he chidlren not to see daddy as he is working all the time

I've spent years negotiating with an impossible man. Give it up in my opinion. Don't rely on him for anything. Set up an arrangement - a timetable perhaps 3 months at a time,if he is unable to manage it then plan for this using childcare etc. Go through the CSA for money. The emotional freedom will be entirely worth it. You take control. You don't need to suggest he takes you to court. You're the mother and responsible for the wellbeing of both your child and you. If he wants to pay legal fees (they will be excessive) then let him. If he's unreasonable, lay down the ground rules (with fairness) and go through the CSA so that you're not worried about how to manage financially.

Dunno...if you knew in advance that it was his weekend with the kids then, yeah, it would be pretty unreasonable to simply assume it was OK to organise a trip in his time. But assuming that you didn't know what weekends he'd be free that far in advance and you let him know back in June that DS wouldn't be available then he's just sounding off.

Please don't go straight for court, though, if you've kept it amicable so far - what about mediation as a first step? Or could you offer a mid-week so it isn't so long between weekends?

Tanga he has recently changed his shift pattern and so gave me his free weekends last week. Ds made plans for this weekend in July and our trip away at the end of october was booked in March (another one of his weekends). i have always tried to be reasonable when it comes to them spending time with him even when ds has begged not to go.
I will suck it up and ignore the message. Thanks for replying.

He is not allowed to link access to any payments. When I divorced one of my best firends was marrying a family law barrister (very useful!!) and he made it really clear to me that even if they withhold the money then they still have a right to access and likewise if you withold access then they still have to pay the cash.
If there is an existing arrangement that has been shown to work over some time (not sure how long your "unoffical arrangement" has been going on) then the courts are VERY reluctant to impose any changes.
My DD has to do a 6 hour round trip to see her dad and she hates it (she's 9). I have tried explaining that this is the reason for her reluctance to go and see him but he is determined that I am "winding her up to it".
They are just being gits....!

Shift work always makes contact arrangments so much harder. The best you can do is let him know of any 'booked' activities as far in advance as you can, be flexible if it is possible (not to the extent of cancelling holidays, obviously) and ignore his frustration - try and think of it as a sign of how much he wants to spend time with the kids.