help!! Had enough! Want to escape!

[notsohotchic]

Ok, so my ex (7 years together 3.5 years apart) is STILL giving me grief. He is antagonistic at every turn. He is persuing contact through court after his alcoholism made it dangerous. Says he's sorted it but I don't believe him. I don't trust him around the children, even when I'm there, (supervising contact for 2 hrs) he makes snide remarks aimed at undermining me. My youngest is only 5 so this is especially confusing for her. I just want to leave town. This is becoming more possible as my studying comes to an end. Thats if I can take the final year. I am always stressed because of him. I can't bear it anymore. I have tried to keep amicable and enabled contact as I/the court see fit. But the thought of having to continue like this, supervising or with him allowed to see them on his own, just makes me sick. I am beginning to think that seriously, he is never going to be a good aspect of their lives and he is making mine a misery. Its not ideal for me to move as I have family support here. But having him constantly texting, phoning every other day etc... almost cancels out the value of that. Any one else moved to try and escape a manipulative/ abusive ex?

I would seek legel advice, and start shutting him down.

It has to be the right way, or no way.

You know that.

Hi, I have recently returned to MN after a long absence. I have done just that. My ex was due to stand trial for several serious charges, including rape (against me and others) and abusing my children. The trial collapsed and he walked free. That was in September last year. He tried to get contact through the courts so I took the children and left. We are in a new place where he'd never think to find us, have a nice house, new schools and he can't get to the children. He also can't get to me, as I feel there is a very real threat that he would kill me if he did.
I moved for the safety of my children, there is nothing I wouldn't do to protect them. It's not been easy, as my earlier threads testify, but life is now a million times better. Has he actually got a court order yet? I moved before he could get that far, and therefore I am not in breach of a court ruling, that's what worried me.
It can be done. If he is a danger to your DC either physically or emotionally then you should do what you need to do. Good luck.

you can get injuction so he cant contact you in anyway.

you need to stop supervising contact yourself. use a third party/contact centre

Hi, thanks...katerum: not sure what you mean by the right way or no way? HWL, pleased for you that you are safe and have the chance of a happy life. What happened to you sounds dreadful, makes me feel lucky I only have emotional abuse and alcoholism to deal with though I am starting to realise that emotional abuse over a long period is certainly damaging and of course a drunken parent can't do his job properly. There has been no court order since the judge said 2 hours a fortnight at the contact centre. The ex was hospitalised after a couple of months and, feeling sorry for him (I KNOW!) I agreed to supervise myself so the children could see their pets etc at his place. So we lost our place at the contact centre and now the judge says thats not ideal for the eldest child anyway. I was too weak to argue because if I don't supervise then he will suggest his mother who is just as awful as him.

the right way is without damaging the children.