how do you control your feelings when you see ex

[single1ds]

Just wondering if anyone else feels like me or has done but has learnt to control it. when i see ex (he is still H at the moment) when i pick up ds or he brings him home i find it so frustrating that he doesnt speak to me. he acts all pathetic then just leaves. this just goes on and on. in the past i have called after him, to say bye or sent him a text after but the only feel i am now getting is anger. he still wears his wedding ring, 15 months on, he has never tried to explain to me face to face why he left, burries his head in the sand, makes excuse after excuse. i wish i could let go. i can imagine it being like this forever

Why do you want him to talk to you? Are you hoping he's going to do some big reconciliation thing and that's why he wears his ring still? It is really hard when you want them to be nice, or decent human beings, or simply to be friends for the sake of the dc. But in reality there's usually deeper reasons that you want him to talk to you and it's probably best he doesn't if it's just going to get your hopes up or force issues and arguments he's not ready or able to discuss with you.

Basically it's best all round to avoid talking much around handovers if you think it's going to end up in an argument. Children shouldn't have to see that. And maybe that's what he thinks will happen. Maybe he is sad and angry too and doesn't want to let that all come to the surface.

You can't force your ex to be the man you want him to be. You can't insist he talks to you. But if you feel it would be better for the dc to have some communication between you then perhaps suggest mediation to discuss the dc with him. It's unlikely he will accept from what you say, but it does open the door perhaps.

You aren't a couple any more, so the most you can expect really is to communicate about the children. It is horrible yes, and it does seem unnecessary, but it is often the advice given to people who worry that arguments and bad feeling will ensue or expectations of a reconciliation may be raised if they 'stay friendly' with their ex. Frustrating as it is it could be a while lot worse. Time may improve things, but not always :(

Hi Gillybean2
I am not sure really what i am looking for. perhaps waiting for a miracle to happen and him to realise how he is. Maybe i still love him or maybe i am just thinking i do.
ds hasnt seen any conflict as h left early enough (ds 18 months old) so thats one positive thing.
I guess i cant understand what is so bad about me. i am a good person, a hard worker, always have been. i feel like a failure, i am lonely and feel so sad when i see other couples out with their babies/small children. i know those coupples may not be happy, but the ones i see seems to be. today for example in a shopping centre.
just dont know where my life is going and my life still feels at a halt.

Time is a healer, the nastier and more badly behaved one is that the other lets affect them and excallates things, am guilty of that, the longer it takes... I am quite relaxed and ok with seeing abusive ex who left me with no explanation, took me to court etc now, I just don't care really re anger etc, I am actually feeling sorry for him being so dammed angry at me still, he has married etc and still won't let go, poor soul. I was full of rage it is a stage of recovery, it will get better, actually one thing that I found helpfull was to go back to the bible, jobe is quite good to read, and psalms! it relaxed me and gave me a feeling of peace, I was brought up in church schools so for me it was a rediscovery!