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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Ex staying mighty close to home, how far has yours gone?

15 replies

Tippychoocks · 21/09/2010 19:09

I live in a tiny rural village. Ex works here and is staying locally since moving out (only recent but second split, have been LP more than I have been with him since DD was born).
He is now going to move into his own place, in the village.

I should add that we are as amicable as we can be considering he is a lying, cheating scumbag and there is no OW locally.

I can't decide how I feel. On one hand it will be helpful for DD's pickups (to fit in with work) to have him local. On t'other, he will ALWAYS know all my business, and I his, and never be out of the picture. Plus future dating is going to be awkward - bad enough that everyone knows everyone, now he will know too.

Am I being selfish? What would you think? I can't move btw, DD in school and it's a HA house (that I love).

OP posts:

pithyslicker · 21/09/2010 19:30

I live a 5 minute walk from my ex. But as we do 50/50 care this makes sense. The children can move freely between the homes Ex has a new partner and I couldn't care less. I suppose it depends on how well you get on,we didn't for a while but we've both mellowed as the years have passed.

Original poster

Tippychoocks · 21/09/2010 19:36

I'm not sure if it's the proximity or the fact that in such a small community we will be thrown together all the time. I don't want him to know about my first date and I don't want to know about his.

OP posts:

mamas12 · 21/09/2010 20:21

OMG you are talking about me 3 years ago.
I had to move out of the family home as he wouldn't. Then three weeks after I moved here he told me he was moving into the next street!

The kids and I were walking past the Estate Agent and they say their bedrooms in the window. He didn't tell them.

This is a small town and he has made a bit of a fool of himself by making me move out them moving to the next street.

It has been handy as they walk to our houses but he still refuses to give them their own key, so if they've forgotten anything and he's not in...

lilac21 · 21/09/2010 20:24

I moved 2.5 miles away, I worry about bumping into him when I'm out shopping or something.

Original poster

Tippychoocks · 21/09/2010 20:28

mamas12, stop it, that's terrible! What a shit.
Mine is being OK but he is active in the village and in a position to hear all the gossip. Last time we split he stayed over all the time to see DD as he had no base, this time he's 100 yards away! It is useful that he can have DD sometimes and I wouldn't want her going far to see him but it feels very, very close to home.
I was already wondering how the feck I'd date in such a close knit community (I would find it embarrassing if someone didn't like me enough to call then I had to see them all the time and the whole village would have no worries about commenting to me) but now I feel suffocated by it

OP posts:

Over40 · 21/09/2010 21:34

Mine is 3 hours drive away. . His company pay for ALL his petrol so he always has to come and pick her up. Only downside is she has a 3 hour journey every 3 weeks. But on the UP side she is starting at private school next year and they have Sat morning school so he is going to have to have her for longer periods over the hols or not at all.

mamas12 · 22/09/2010 19:11

I know what you mean tippy. I feel as though everyone is watching me hence when I go out in this town I make sure it's with 'the girls' or an occasion where parents are required. i.e. Trophy night at the football club etc.

Even then while talking to one of the coaches amoung a group of people I may add, his wife came and sat on his lap, marking her territory so to speak!

And, (I'm on a roll here) the fathers who we used to share lifts to footie with each others kids all the time, backing away from from when I tried to talk to them!

GGrrrrr. I though when I was married Ceasars wife had nothin on me, but now I'm 'single' all bloody eyes.

My solution is don't date on your doorstep

cuteboots · 23/09/2010 13:38

Im in a similar situation. My son hasnt seen his dad for three and a bit years and hes just rtd to the scene. It appears he was only living 30 mins down the road! He thinks that im fair game as I single and asks lots of questions about when I go out and who Im with. Whilst Im trying to be polite its very hard and really what has it got to do with him anyway. Hes also told my mum that he thinks its only am matter of time before he gets me back.

Im trying to be civil as my son thinks hes lovely but I have ths urge to just tell him to do one??!!

ladydeedy · 23/09/2010 18:18

that's sad.

My DH and I deliberately moved to the next village (a short walk) to where his ex and his children lived, so that it was easier for the children. No long hours stuck in a car on Friday evenings and again on Sunday evenings (prime commuting time). and it means kids can see their friends every weekend, not just the weekend they are at their mum's. And can continue with any weekend sports activities without interruption. And can pop in after school for tea or whatever... Lots and lots of positives which his exw now realises after she was a bit annoyed that we were so close.
His ex has dated several local blokes. It doesnt bother us - DH doesnt care a hoot, he's not married to her any more! I wouldnt worry about your ex but think about what's best for your daughter. I hope you have fun!!

CheeseandGherkins · 23/09/2010 18:20

Mine lives diagonally opposite us...couple of hundred yards away...he rents too so choose to do so. Lots of problems with him too which aren't going away and currently going through court. I've posted threads about it all

StewieGriffinsMom · 23/09/2010 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Monty100 · 24/09/2010 00:06

I thought I was the only one.

Exh lives 5 doors away.

He moved away, then when his extramarital relationship/s ended he moved back to the street. Even dc's think he's a twat for doing it. We are after all, in London! You would think there'd be plenty of other places to go wouldn't you? The neighbours are mildly amused by his antics. I just hold my head up with a very strong splint and get on with my life.

I do hate it though and want to move but money is tight.

(He doesn't pay a penny maintenance).

STIDW · 24/09/2010 00:58

For a while my ex lived nearby and it was handy because the children as teenagers could move relatively freely between the two homes. I was too busy being a full time mum and working 8 hours a day in my own business to either date or be concerned about my ex dating.

Aminata100 · 26/09/2010 00:49

Stewie, I'm with you on this, mine lives 6000 miles away! :O

(He was abusive, so I'm more than happy that he's nowhere around!).

MaMoTTaT · 26/09/2010 00:52

it takes DS3 (3yrs old) 2 minutes to walk to exH's house.

DS1, 2 and I can do it in 1.

We pass his house every single school day - as he lives next door.

I hated it for the first few months - mostly as he wasn't seeing/having them.

Now he's started to have them again (first overnight stay tonight - woohoo ) and I'm ok about it.

And it was very handy today when I cba to walk to Morrisons to buy a printer cartridge - I rang and asked to borrow his printer.

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