Oh joy, feel the love!

[whiteandnerdy]

I currently find myself in dispute with the Ex about contact, to cut along story short, been trying to sort out child arrangements since May last year, after having kids on Tuesdays since January the Ex is now attempting to frustrate Tuesdays contact (since I started having them overnight), I've just picked up one of the DC from school sent the following text:

"I have picked up DC again he is concerned you will be angry with him"

And here is the response:

"Pity you didn't think of that before you put him in that position."

Amazing, so she's going to take out her frustration with me on my DS, hey but it's my fault I guess that'll teach me!

ARRRRRRGHHHH!!!!!!

Any ideas for a response, I'm a bit ticked off at the moment, currently thinking along the lines.

"It's not fair to take your frustration with the current situation out on DS, or try and control contact by emotional blackmail."

Anyone think I'm going in a bit heavy handed?

hi
if i were you i would sleep on it and not reply, someone has to draw the line. what would you acheieve by texting? she will know in her mind it is not fair IF she is doing this to dc. she is obviously bitter, sounds like you both are which is natural but sending texting to and fro will ultimately not help. think you will have to talk withut dc present regarding contact and NOT by text.
think of the child who is worried she will bbe angry, he needs to be reassured and know his parents are on the same side when it come to him and not feel in the middle

No text sent ... Just feel pretty helpless to be honest ... need to vent. Will possibly get the solictor to write another pointless letter yet again stating that she shouldn't be shitting on the kids just so she can get what she wants. Hmm, I'm not sure the solicitor used those exact words.

I'll go listen to some 80's synth pop and I'll soon be right as rain, grrr!

hi whiteandnerdy
think we all feel pretty helpless at some point in these situations but it is how you deal with it ie listening to music, distracting yourself is a good thing, i know it isnt easy. lining a solicitors pocket with pointless letters could go on forever though, wouldnt it be best to try to think of a positive outcome and be the most reasonable you can be so you know in your own mind you are trying your best as these letters and texts are just going to fuel her and it will have to stop and some point and you need to move on or it will eat you up. it is bloody hard, but keep venting on here rather than to her :-)

Whiteandnerdy, is she the resident parent? What are the agreed access arrangments? Is she sticking to them?

Why is she angry with you child- I don't understand.

Sorry for all questions- just trying to get a clearer picture.

Bitter XPs are a nightmare.

Urrgh, all a bit complex to be honest, yeah she's the resident parent, and we both stick to agreed access however working out what that agreement should be has been going on for over a year now ... we currently don't agree on what that contact should be on Tuesdays. Once we get that sorted between us things should calm down again.

It's contact with our DCs sure we both have our different points of view and we want different things. Are either of our motives pure and nobel, naah I'm guessing like every human I've met so far on this planet, we're both just a jumble of different emotions, ego, fear, and neuroses as the next person.

I'm just not happy about the way that the DCs are being manipulated by the mother at the moment. She seems to think that reinforcing her views on what contact she wants with the DCs is more effective than working on an agreement with myself.

Maybe it is more effective, I just know it makes me feel both and .

Do you mean in your original post that your ex is getting angry with the dc when they visit you?

If that's the case, then someone needs to talk to her about it because that is totally out of order. Someone like a doctor or a health visitor maybe.

Have you been to mediation already I take it?

Is it just the tuesdays that are the sticking point? What's her reasoning behind not wanting you to have tuesdays? What other days do you have access?

I agree it's difficult to remain unemotive in these situations but you just have to keep the focus on what's best for the children and then it becomes more simple. It's difficult when one party is being deliberately obstructive. I don't understand parents like these.

longgrasswhispers, I'm guessing here but my gut feeling is she won't be explictly cross with DC but maybe simply cross and angry, and hence feel justified in vilifying me to the DC. And no child want's to make their parents angry and hear what a bad person their other parent is.

Supercherry, no since May09 we've been attemting to settle contact via solicitors letters. It's been very very slow progress, until she simply stopped responding to the solicitors letters. Did meditation along time ago, going to court on Monday for a residency order will see if the clark of the court recommends mediation if so I'm up for it.

Oh and now things go from the daft to the rediculous. On the court form she's ticked yes on "Do you believe that the children named are at risk of suffering any harm from domestic abuse/violence within the household/child abduction."

I have the kids every weekend during term time, from alternating Fridays after school, and mid-day Saturday till school on Monday. I've also been farthering DSS as my own from her previous marrage for the last 9 years. Honestly sometimes I grow tired of the bullshit. RANT OVER!!!

Hi W&N

Sorry I've been really busy this last week. I didn't realise you were going to court so soon!

Are you about tonight? I will come chat with you if you are. J has a friend over and scouts so it won't be till late I'm afraid.

Also have you been in touch with Ruth as I suggested. Please do, she is brilliant and I'm sure she will give you some helpful advise and list loads of this you need to bring up in court and suggest to your Ex.

take care
Gilly

No I haven't been in touch with Ruth, I'm really crap ... I guess I feel a bit of a greedy twat arguing the toss over Tuesday access when I have the kids every weekend. OK I'll get over my own ego and paranoia and I will get off my arse and contact Ruth ...

I too have a late night tonight, I'm going to see some old Uni friends at a gig tonight. I'm sure there gonna love me moaning on and on and on! URRRGH! But will check messages when I get back.

Thanks Gilly

Fingers crossed for you that court sorts it out :)

Thankyou supercherry, alas my expectations of the legal system's ability to make both myself and my ExP a little more reasonable and a little less stupid, are not suprisingly very low.

Still looking on the bright side my solicitor is going to be a bit richer, so it's not all bad news ...