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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Friends or family, which are most important??

10 replies

Wilkoa · 20/09/2010 17:44

My husband left me when I was 40 weeks pregnant. I moved from my home for the last 12 years back to my parents (where I used to live before uni) to have the baby, about 70 miles away. I've stayed with them for the last 3 months and have joined various groups etc to meet new people. Also have a few friends from uni and school.

So the question now is, do I start a new life in my old home town so I'm close to my (very helpful) family? Or do I move back to "home" to be closer to long term friends. I really don't know what to do for the best. My long term friends are great, but I'm aware they have got their own lives. Not sure I can rely on my ex, based on his behaviour in the last 6 months. He's not the man I married less than a year ago!

My family are offering 2 days childcare, on tap babysitting etc. But "home" is where my close friends and job are. I can't decide what to do for the best for me and my son....wish someone could decide for me!!

Would be good to hear views from other single parents out there!

OP posts:

sethstarkaddersmum · 20/09/2010 17:48

from what you have said I would say family.
IME, though obviously there will be many exceptions to this, links with family tend to get strengthened when you have children while links with friends are likely to weaken unless they have children the same age.

but I am not a single parent so doubtless there will be people along who have more relevant experience!

nowherewoman · 20/09/2010 17:55

I would say family, friends are obviously important, but they tend to have their own children and partners so not as much time to spare as it sounds like your family have. Don't know what I would do without my parents and exp's mum to help. You can always visit your friends for some fun (perhaps your mum would have the kids overnight )

belleshell · 22/09/2010 20:22

Family, for sure, i would love to be close to mine ( who are 100 miles away) but cant because the children are settled here and X wont agree to them moving either. As for the friends what a perfect excuse to go stay out when baby a bit older and have a girlie night and a mini break. stick with family i say!

legoStuckinmyhoover · 22/09/2010 22:06

family, family, family...unconditional love [and help!]

BellevilleRendezvous · 22/09/2010 22:16

if you have friends near your family, and have made new friends there too (new mum friends?) then I would stay nr family. you can visit long term friends for weekends. but having friendly people near you with similar age children is a great plus to add onto the massive bonus of family availability for babysitting.

if it were only your parents you were near and all your friends were elsewhere I would probably say go with friends. but the combination you describe would swing it for me.

sorry you've had to go through this btw.

fluffles · 22/09/2010 22:19

it depends on whether you think you can get work and make a life in the place your parents live.

if you can then you should stay near your parents and visit your friends regularly (70miles not too far for weekends etc.)

if you can't get a job or build up a life for yourself where your parents are then it's different.. important for you to build up a new life for yourself as well as have family nearby.

SamSquamch · 22/09/2010 22:23

hi, i would say family, mine are amazing and I don't know what i'd do without them. i love my friends too but i am happy to travel to see them on a rare night off and stay out for the night.
can you find work near your family?

Original poster

Wilkoa · 23/09/2010 21:36

Thanks for all the replies! I have a great job, work know what's happened and they have offered more flexible hours etc to help me. BUT - and its a big but - I know if I go back it will all be about work, and I'll have to put my son in nursery full-time.

I do miss my friends back home but some are mutual (always difficult!) and perhaps this is an opportunity to start again. I know it would be hard having my ex on the doorstep after all that he has done to me.

OP posts:

RedBlueRed · 23/09/2010 21:41

As a single mum too, I would put the job first.
Added bonus that you have the support of your family nearby.
Friends are great and I love mine but may not alway be as available/reliable as family, plus they are more likely to stay friends if they are not under pressure to be so. IYKWIM

sethstarkaddersmum · 23/09/2010 21:43

it sounds like work are supportive, and that is really valuable, but do you think you could get a good job near your parents?

IMO the hardest thing about working when you have kids is the backup - what you do when your children are sick. Being near family would be really valuable in that respect. If you are back in the town where your job is, is there anyone you can call on at short notice to come and look after a sick child? I don't have anything against full time nursery but without that backup it becomes mega-stressful for you.

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