Having let go of my family (and their complete lack of support) I feel so much better than I did when I was constantly waiting and hoping for that help and support.
It was upsetting, depressing and heartbreaking when I was bending over backwards for them and getting practically nothing in return.
My mum would tell me she'd have ds after school for me, and then was always busy when I tried to arrange a day with her. Even when I injured my arm and could barely dress myself they were not there to help, not even with cooking a meal for my ds. They didn't even call to see if I needed anything and vanished off abroad even. I had to rely on other people for lifts to the hospital and to physio.
And my sister over the last 10 years was quite happy for me to have her dc on the days she worked/bank holidays etc. I would arrange my working hours around when she needed my help with childcare. All the while I was paying for childcare when I was working in school holidays even though she had time off! She needed a break apparently..
I used to take her dc on all kinds of outtings, trips, activities. Not once did she offer to take my ds anywhere and if she ever did have him it was because I asked out of sheer desperation when I had to work on a weekend and no other childcare was available, never so I could simply have a break or some me time. Even then she would umm and ahh about it!
At first I thought it was just that she couldn't cope with other children, until her ds1 told me they had taken a friend to the zoo a couple of days before (this was while I was at the zoo with her then 2dc and my ds). And she told me she had her neighbours ds over after school almost every night as his mum was struggling with her new baby. Oh so never mind about me struggling and being on my own for the past 11 years...
My mum would take my sisters kids on days out, but never offered to take my ds too. She seemed under the impression she had taken him out when she never had and would say 'when I took teh boys too ...' to which I would say 'you never took ds there'. I could go on...
The build up of resentment was getting too much and making me bitter and angry. And I'm so much happier now I am free of it all.
Now my expectation that they would be there for me or ds has gone it's so much easier to handle and I am so much happier in myself. Although life is still a struggle it is much easier when you no longer worry and wonder why your family aren't there for you or your child.
And I have to say since I took a very big step backwards from them they realise they don't see my ds any more unless they make some effort too, or invite him over. Because it was always me making the effort, dishing out the invites, and ensuring my ds had a relationship with his cousins and grandparents.
And my mum has even taken ds on an outing now (mind you it was after he point blank asked her why he never gets to go yet she takes the others out. He also asked why the others get invited over for dinner but he never does which again stumped her).
I still go out of my way to help and support others, but only those who appreciate and/or would do the same for me in return.
So I would suggest you let go of your expectations that they will help, stop going out of your way to include or even see them if they aren't doing the same for you. Particularly if it is affecting your alredy low self-esteem. It may just open their eyes to the realities. And if it doesn't then really you're no worse off and probably better off without the weight of expectation being dashed constantly.
Sorry if I went on a bit about my situation. Just wanted to help you see that all these little things gradually add up over the years and it's only once you take things into your own hands and accept they won't ever be there to support you that you can really move on.
We can't choose our family, but we can find some really great friends who will hopefully be there for you instead.
Best wishes