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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Internet dating - I said I never would...

17 replies

Sherbert37 · 15/09/2010 09:13

But as I am unlikely to meet any new men at all in my daily life, I thought I would have a look.

But the men all look so OLD (have put my age range as 42 - 55, so perhaps I should be aiming lower?).

Any tales to encourage me? Is it done for females to approach men? We didn't have lessons in this kind of thing at school and I have led a very sheltered life.

OP posts:

colditz · 15/09/2010 09:16

How old are you, for a start?

You want to be aiming for withing about 7 years of your age either way.

Otherwise you are going to get mithered by a lot of 60 year olds lying about their age (you might anyway, I had a bloke mither me whose profile said he was 32 - he was clearly at least 15 years older)

It's fine for women to approach men.

if I were you, I would only approach someone who has a profile which real words on it, not just full of smilies.

Original poster

Sherbert37 · 15/09/2010 09:25

Thanks Colditz. I am 45 (well still for a few days anyway). Suppose I have to realise that - I still think I am the same age as the youngsters I work with when I am old enough to be their mothers.

Liked the look of one chap but I think it is because he had a photo of himself with his dog! I had known ex-dh since I was 15 so am really out of practice.

OP posts:

muffintop · 15/09/2010 12:43

Sorry to hijack but I have also just joined an internet site and have put my profile up. I am bubbly and normally have plenty to say but really do not what to put if you want to send a message to someone. What do you write that is witty and not sounding like a bunny boiler. Also my confidence is not the best and if I send a message and got a rejection would be mortified. Any tips please?

Flamesparrow · 15/09/2010 12:49

Yup, what Colditz said.

Someone on here told me to put something in my profile and say that it needs to be included in the subject line of messages - it shows you who actually bothered to read your profile. I deleted anyone who didn't.

I just bit the bullet and sent messages to anyone I liked the sound/look of. Figured that even if they didn't like me, then it was always nice to have a message (said that in a couple of the messages).

I ended up sending a message to a guy who just sounded and looked lovely - he was mid sending one to me at the same time. Have been seeing him since mid August :) The only one I met. I'd been on there about a week!

The "where are all the good men" thread is v good - lots of us doing similar things :)

Original poster

Sherbert37 · 15/09/2010 13:49

Thank you all. I have gone from being terrified to thinking I can do this. Have to get over my fear that all strange men are serial killers and only out for one thing.
Muffintop - I agree it is hard to come across as yourself. I really don't want to be messed around but think it will put men off if I am too stern.
My first message was from a young lad in London offering to come along naked when I met up with the girls...

OP posts:

Original poster

Sherbert37 · 15/09/2010 13:50

PS Flame, it was reading your thread that got me thinking about all this.

OP posts:

memoo · 15/09/2010 13:58

I met my now dh on an online dating sight.

Had a few dates with some real idiots first though and was on the verge of giving up when I saw his profile. I approached him and we chatted via email for a few weeks which then progressed to talking on the phone, and then we finally met up about a month later.

There a some real losers on dating sites but there are some good guys too.

elastamum · 15/09/2010 14:04

Good luck Sherbert internet dating is not for the faint hearted

I am 46 - have been doing this for a while - on fit and interesting men thread. A couple of thinks I have learnt

Firstly, its a numbers game, so send messages to anyone you like the look of and dont be offended if they dont all reply. Write a short witty message in word, cut and paste and personalise it to the person you are writing to - much easier!! Get some good pictures done, makes a huge difference to the response

Secondly, grow a thick skin, a lot of men out there will be playing the field - so just be careful with your emotions and dont build up too high hopes of someone you dont really know. If someone messes you around just walk away.

If someone creeps you out at all on the internet or phone dont meet them. Tell soemone who you are meeting and where you are going. Dont invite anyone you dont 100 trust round to your house

That said, I have met some really nice men and have had some great evenings out. It can be a lot of fun!

Good luck

Original poster

Sherbert37 · 15/09/2010 14:09

Thanks Elastamum. It's good to be able to talk about this on here - my parents would probably be horrified! Not sure what teenage DCs would think either.
I have no decent photos of me but masses of the dog...

OP posts:

elastamum · 15/09/2010 14:13

I used to be embarassed but now I tell all my girlfriends and the guys in the office what I am up to and use one of my male colleagues for teh blokes perspective! They all think me hilarious - I tell them I am only doing it for their entertainment.

I also have 3 dogs, my latest date has 2 of his own

muffintop · 15/09/2010 15:38

But what do you actually do you put in your email that is witty etc! I want to sound interesting but not a sad old stalker.

Also hate having my photo taken so not that many good ones of me. Plus all the men I like the look of are so sporty and like keeping fit am surprised they are ever in. Would love to go to the gym but am in every night with the kids or either ferrying them around with after schooll activities so either way by the time I get to me time I'm knackered

Flamesparrow · 15/09/2010 16:31

Oooh :o @ it being my thread

I put a bit about what made me want to message them really. With Carrot I just told him that he sounded and looked lovely, and although lovely probably wasn't what he was aiming at in a manly way, it was still a good thing. (Or something like that I think).

My picture was deliberately quite distant and fuzzy - figured it gave you the general idea of my build, but no-one was basing things on my breasts who tend to make friends more easily than my face.

elastamum · 15/09/2010 19:06

Muffin, I have dated a couple of very fit men What it has done is made me realise that you dont have to be young to be fit, they were 50 and 48! It isnt easy to keep fit if you work and look after your kids. I have started running with the dogs again but that is more due to trying to reduce my stress levels so I can sleep at night

gettingeasier · 15/09/2010 19:43

I havent had a great day had a row with ds over the way he constantly talks to dd ie rudely. They have gone to xh tonight and for the first time since he left 8 months ago I rang him and asked for help in dealing with it and he says he will but is saying well hes rude to me too and he is a teenager and then takes a side swipe at me

How great is the thought that I have to deal with all this on my own while he is busy living his shiny new life.

Yes there has been some sunshine but my brain is full of storm clouds today I want to stamp my feet and shout its not fair but whats the point.

gettingeasier · 15/09/2010 19:45

Ok well thats made me smile this is the internet dating thread not the share your day thread

As you were

Original poster

Sherbert37 · 15/09/2010 22:29

LOL gettingeasier. I used to ask ex DH to back me up too and he used to say "I can't get involved as I was not there". Oh to have the luxury of saying that. My DS2 is the only one of my three who sees ex regularly. It has meant he has the spotlight on him and gets 100% attention. I pay for that when DS2 comes back to family life...

I used to ask ex where he got the choices from (to stay or to go). It is certainly not easy and I am not convinced any potential new partner could cope with my three.

OP posts:

sincitylover · 15/09/2010 22:39

similar probs with my ds1 - asked exh to talk to him and he weakly said 'he doesn't listen to me!' so back to me to deal with alone then !

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