Anyone experienced mediation?

[readywithwellies]

Hi all, wanted to pick someone's brain about mediation.
Recommendations??
Have I got to go on my own or can I take someone with me as support?

I don't know if you can take anyone actually.

I went with XP. The mediation officer tried to sort everything out, XP shouted, got more angry, refused to be flexible, she stopped the session early and told him to get therapy and asked him to leave.

So I think if you don't have an abusive X it probably works.

don't know about someone for support in the room.

i know that if you think your ex will become threatening etc then you can ask to have two mediators in the room.

i went... once.

but then after just one session my ex refused to go again, for lots of his reasons. it wasn't a pleasant experience [having to rake over the past with a strangers etc], but neither is paying a solicitor tons of your cash for banging out letters [which is done for less than a third of that price by mediators at least], or the courts i would imagine.

the staff, in my opinion, are really thoughtful, fair and unbiased and i felt safe and supported in their hands alone.

i would recommend you give it a go in the first instance at least. a friend of mine has found it has worked well for them. agree with meglet as to if it will work or not.

what are you wishing to use mediation for?
in my case it was used to help sort out the financial side of the divorce(as opposed to playing it out between our respective solicitors)
we had already agreed arrangements re:dcs
what was discussed in these meetings basically became the consent order
and for this purpose i would strongly recommend it
your solicitor should be able to give you more details
and fees work on a sliding scale btw, so if you are on a low wage and eligible for legal aid then you shouldn't have to pay for the sessions

agree with seriously I went mainly for the financial consent order.
It was quite good although I didn't know how seriously emotionally bullied and abused I was then so didn't realise that him seeing mediator on his own first just to let her know a few things first put me in a bad light.
In the end I think she 'got' it though and I was reasonable happy with the outcome.

Sounds like a barrel of laughs then! To answer your question, to rearrange existing contact agreements with Dcs father

I've been through family mediation, expensive but I found it useful and productive. It was a good few years ago so please correct me if I've got any of this wrong but I seem to remember, you get a free hour session with mediator, to discuss what you actually want to resolve/get out of the session. Then you have to pay for the session where you and ExP have to battle it out come to a mutually agreeable compromise.

I came out with not being particularly happy, but at least we had come to a workable agreement.

Mediation worked really well for me. My ex-h didn't seem to think he needed to play a part in organising DS's school life, holidays etc and the mediator pointed out that half of the school holidays were his responsibility and that he should go to parents evenings etc. Coming from an outsider, he actually listened. He also listened when she pointed out that it was not all down to me to organise everything to do with DS - i.e. child-minding, buying new uniform etc etc.

It helped us agree our finances, access etc in a very calm manner, without us shouting at each other. It also ensured that he actually said what he though instead of leaving everything to me.

It cost me nearly £300 a session, so its not cheap - but they work it out on your wage, so some come pay virtually nothing if on benefits or a low wage.

If we have any issues now - I get out our mediation summary and remind him of what we agreed.