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Original poster

access..........please help

7 replies

pining · 13/09/2010 14:16

i'm going to try to make this short....here goes, my ex p has constantly re-arranged acces times and days to suit him, my main concern is that the children have no routine and i keep tring to get one. I asked him 3 weeks ago to suggest one day in the week that would be convenient for him and that he could stick to. he said sundays, well its lasted 3 weeks and now he cant have them next week due to cash in hand work that hes been offered (i get no money from him) and he cant do the next week due to it being his gf birthday Angry. I have never stopped him seeing the children, but after getting no help and no stability from him i cant take it anymore. Does anyone know where i stand if this goes to court?? we were never married, does that make a difference?

OP posts:
readywithwellies · 13/09/2010 15:10

how old are your DCs? Does he have Parental responsibility?

upsydaisy85 · 13/09/2010 16:39

Is he on the birth certificate.

Keep a log of all the 'arranged' times and when he changes them. We had to when my DSD's bio mum kept changing things and it really helped when solicitors got involved as it wasnt a hard job to trail through our memory. Also within the diary keep track of how many contact hours he has and if they are over night. It will be so much help for you if it goes to court.

Original poster
pining · 13/09/2010 18:54

Yes he is on the birth certificate, i've kept abusive text messages from him and his gf, also i've kept messages where we have arranged days for them to then be changed. These include messages from me saying he can see them whenever he wants as long as he sticks to it.

They are 9 and 6. what exactly does parental responsibility mean?? i've heard it said alot but dont really understand it.

OP posts:
ladydeedy · 13/09/2010 20:24

why is it important for your children, who are so young, to have a routine of seeing him on the same day every week? Does it matter to them? Or is it more to be convenient for you, rather than them? what about trying to be flexible?

Meglet · 13/09/2010 20:30

When me and XP went to mediation he was told he couldn't just have all the access to suit him regardless of the dc's and my plans. IMO your XP should try and see them at set times.

And keep the text messages, the police cautioned and fined my XP for harrassment on just one days worth of nasty messages.

He no longer sees the DC's I hasten to add. Which is a good thing.

Type up a spreadsheet now and use it as a diary of contact / abuse etc so if it comes to solicitors / court you will have a pile of info to back you up.

Tanga · 13/09/2010 20:41

Could you propose a compromise that allows some flexibility (and would therefore result in the DC's seeing their dad more) but provides some level of routine for you? If he has working hours that aren't fixed that would seem a fair way to go?

Maybe you could ask him to commit to either a Friday or Saturday or Sunday every week. That way the kids will know they will see him every week and he is more able to arrange other committments. I have certainly seen courts agree to this kind of arrangement particularly when one parent works shifts or similar.

The money is a separate issue - have you tried the CSA?

Original poster
pining · 14/09/2010 12:56

I have always left the decision up to my ex p as to which day is more convenient for him. The day doesnt matter to me (Social life......whats that??). He then says a day and it generally lasts 2-3 weeks before its changed. I do think the routine is important when the children ask 'when am i seeing daddy?'
I have applied to csa, will hopefully hear something soon.

OP posts:
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