Has dating changed much in the last decade

[toffeecupcake]

I have been a lp for 14 years which has been great but abit lonely at times. Anyway I met this man at college last september and we became good friends. We met for lunch before the summer hols and had a lovely time together. We continued emailing once a week but I couldnt meet him over the hols as i was really busy with dd and started new job. Last week we met for a drink on weds where he told me he likes taking things slow, doesnt like rushing into relationship, hes has never married or lived with anyone. Anyway he texted me that night saying he had a great time and hope to meet again soon. The next day I texted him to wish him a happy birthday and he invited me out to dinner for today but I couldnt go so I suggested we meet on Friday (last). Again had a really lovely time but not once on that evening or the previous evening did he try to kiss me. He hugged me both times and kissed me on the cheek but that was it. I havent dated for so long I havent got a clue if this is normal. I wanted to text him today just to see if he had a good weekend but is that too soon. What are the rules. The last time I dated men always kissed me at the end (or during)the date also back then hardly anyone had mobiles or the internet, so how long do i leave it before i text/email him to meet up again, i dont want to scare him of because he does like taking things slow. Am I reading into this completely wrong maybe he just wants to be friends. Any advice please (sorry didnt mean to go on so much but am very confused).

Its confusing, especially when they want to take things slow, never met a man that wants to take things slow so at the moment i'm thinking does he actually like me. When we was in the cinema he was quite figidity maybe he wanted to hold hands but was worried that maybe i didnt. I really wanted him to kiss me but theres no way i would make the first move incase i am reading into the situation wrong. I thought at my age things would be easier.

thanks anothermum, your right about texting being just like phoning, but does it matter if i text first or do men like to do the chasing, I dont want to come across as desperate. I hate this waiting for him to text first but the thing is I might be waiting along time before he texts, maybe hes waiting for me to text first as I have done each time hes asked to meet me, I really do confuse myself. I guess I'm also a bit impatient. I will definitely try to find that book.

Crikey. Are you not worried that someone who has ever married or lived with anyone wants to take it slow?
What on earth is he waiting for?

Don't do anything. If he really likes you he will make the effort. If he doesn't then it's no loss to you is it? Nothing more soul destroying than trying to make it work with someone who's not that interested. If he does go out with you it sets the precedent for you always being the one to worry about where it's going,if he really like you etc etc.

If I was you I'd expect nothing more than someone who you can go out and do nice stuff with....and keep looking for Mr Right.

Ok...this is what I think.

I'm assuming this bloke is > 30 since you say you've been a LP for over 14 years..I assume he's of similar age.

So if he's in his thirties and he's never lived with anyone then my guess is he's either gay.....or has low self confidence with women.

Now assuming he's not gay and looking for a woman so he can appear hetro then he lacks self confidence. In which case this may explain why he wants to go slow.....in case you reject him.

I think he's interested. After all, i don't go texting my mates (even female ones) after a night out that I had a great time and hope we do it again. That sort of text is usually reserved for a woman you like.

My suggestion is to escalate things slowly. Have you held hands yet? If not, try linking arms to start with....later hold hands. Basically you increase the intimacy bit by bit. That way if he's not interested, you will get the signal without having to put yourself out there (IYSWIM)

You say you've hugged and he's kissed you on the cheek. Next time, get the hug, take the peck but don't let go so quick. Hold onto him for a bit longer than you should, turn your mouth towards his, take a breath and wait.....

If that's not a big enough hint and he still doesn't go in for the kill then you really need to question whether this guy is for you!

Oh and before someone starts bitching about my gay comment, i was talking to two women last night. One who was asked out by a gay guy, another who married one. So it does happen!