Aah my ex really does think I'm STUPID doesn't he!? Rant alert

[TheLifeOfRiley]

Ex really does think I'm daft. I'm sorry but I am never going to believe he wants whats best for DS because the bottom line is he only ever wants whats best for him.

To cut a long story short he has just dropped DS off and asked if he can change his overnight from a saturday to a friday 'for DS's sake' as his big brother doesn't often go on a saturday anymore. Ex has a new girlfriend who's dcs go and see their dad on a weekend - shall we have a guess what night she is child free??

He is such a twerp.

DS has only ust gone back to sleeping there and ex really needs to build his relationship with DS from the ground up - he is very selfish, doesn't bother with him, play with him, etc. Last two visits he has made an effort with DS (just generally playing with him when he's there).

He has already cut his two overnights a week down to one. He messes about changing days round so he can go out and such like even though DS is autistic and hates change and likes to have a routine.

Urgh. I really want to get it off my chest to him but I know it's pointless.

Lifeof its amazing and soo disappointing isnt it because we constantly prioritise our dc and they dont as well as enjoying the benefits of a great deal more freedom.

When my exh left he wanted to ring each week and see which days would "work out for all of us" .Read as check his diary each week and see what he was doing and he fancied doing. Thankfully I stood up to him and insisted on every other weekend and one week day. He called it my disgusting little regime and told me dc would grow up thinking being inflexible was the norm

Anyway I do the odd swap but thats it. I think you should set boundaries and if its not in your or your ds interests then say firmly no he cant swao evenings.

I know what you mean gettingeasier - I'm so bloody annoyed at his selfishness! He has 6 nights a week where he can do as he pleases and he still messes us about and wants to change it. I would do anything for DS and TBH I don't have much of a life outside of him at the moment which probably makes me even more resentful but FFS!

I told him I would think about it (I find it very hard to say no so this is my stock answer now when he puts me on the spot) but I will be saying no.

He kept on and on repeating himself in front of ds saying 'I think it will be best for DS, I think it's really important for him' and moving across the room closer to me each time he repeated it. He's such an arse.

What is so very wrong with them wanting one child-free day a week? And how will changing the day upset your DC?

If his brother doesn't often go on a Saturday, then surely Friday is a good idea if he gets to see his brother?

He has six nights a week child free hairytriangle!?

His two older sons also live with their mum, one doesn't bother with ex and eldest usually goes one weekend night a week (he's a teen with a social life and a paper round).

Say eldest decided stay riday night and my DS was going saturday night, they would still see each other saturday day. I also have an issue (and have spoke to ex about it before) in that he palms DS off on older children (e.g. his eldest son, or neighbour's child) while he's at his dad's so ex doesn't have to bother with him.

DS's big brother comes to mine sometimes too, it's not like he would never see him again.

The bottom line is ex wants to change DS's weekly routine for his own gain, yet again, when he knows full well routine is very important to DS as he autistic. Change unsettles him, upsets him and confuses him.

Then stick to your guns ThelifeofRiley. You are only doing what's best for your DC.

Have you spoken to him yet?

I emailed him (wimp emotion) supercherry and told him no, but got no reply (I know he will have read it though).

DS went back to school yesterday which e finds really tough, told ex sunday that he went back tuesday, ex text me this morning: Is DS back at school today?
Me: no he went back yesterday!
ex: oh sorry thought it was today the other primary schools are today
me: what Primary schools?? Everyone I know went back yesterday?
ex: xzy school go back today (his new gf's dc's school) I just thought they was all the same
me: well I did tell you on sunday that he went back on tuesday.

Sigh.

DS had a good day overall (he finds school rather overwhelming) and has a fab new T.A, I'm so proud of him.

Really glad your DS enjoyed his first day back at school :)

Fingers crossed for you your XP doesn't kick up a fuss about you sticking to your guns.

Well done.

OP, relationships can be so hard.
Is the new girlfriend around on the friday? Is she isn't and your ds will be with ex on his own, it may be better? I know it hurts, I know routine is best, but just a thought...

Hugs. x

Don't know if the OP will update Witch this is a September 2010 thread.

As a man that's the resident parent I've had this type of thing for the last 2yrs, I offer an overnight day for the contact order, she objects and the day's changed. then lo and behold two days after court she wants the day I offered in the first place.

I have never once had to ask her for relief days (ones that I normally have them but something comes up) however she has on numerous occassions.

Mothers Day wasn't one of her weekends so I offered it as a gesture, no trade offs or bartering. Fathers Day however was on her day and she insisted on 2 extra days as trade.

Oh, and my children have met 7 of her partners in just under 3yrs, but she objects that mine meet the only person I've been seeing for over 2yrs.

Makes me so angry but try not to let my children see it.

PS: I know it's an old thread :)