Children sleeping in your bed

[Over40]

My daughter (9) loves sleeping with me in my bed. She has her own room and would sleep in there if I made her. Should I make her? Interested to have others views as I was on the verge of doing it but couldn't think of a reason other than others thought it was wrong she was sleeping there.
I don't have a DP so no issues with "privacy" and don't put any pressure on her to be there. Anyway....what do you think?

I don't see it as in any way wrong as it's just you and her (so no privacy or exposure to adult
stuff issues) but will she struggle to sleep alone in future? I'd probably Lilith it to a couple of nights a week.

I agree if she needed to be with me to go to sleep, then that would be an issue but she never has. Kiss goodnight, light off, door shut and shes gone! Actually I've been very lucky as she has slept like this since she was 4 weeks old! Good job too as her Dad was no bl**dy use when she was a baby....

I wouldn't worry about it - she's not likely to be sleeping with you when she's 15, her own need for privacy will probably kick in soon.

Ooh interesting thread. My DS sleeps in my bed but he is very clingy (he's 5 and has autism) and sleeps badly, always has done.

TBH he is in my bed for my benefit as much as his as he sleeps better and when he does wake he settles quicker if I am there.

Don't mind at the minute as just the two f us and he's only 5, but if a new manshape came along or he was much older and still wanting to then I would be stuck as to what to do for best.

SOrry for hijack OP

As your DD is a good sleeper I agree she will move into her own bed when she wants her own privacy. A lot of people on MN co-sleep and the general consensus seems to be that their dcs do eventually choose their own beds/bedrooms when they are ready to.

I wouldn't worry about it one bit. She will leave your bed when she's ready, and it won't be when she's 20. Really it won't.

DS (6) sleeps in my bed. He has his own room too. I'm a co-sleeping fan regardless of relationship circumstances, but in our particular situation (just me and DS in the house), we live in a house that's too big for us, and DS's room is at the end of a second hallway, quite a way away from mine. I feel happier having him close by at night (if there was a fire or break-in, for example, he would be waaaaay out of reach in his room), and I think it's bolstered his security since his dad and I separated. I trust that, when he's ready, he'll sleep on his own.

So again, I'd go with the flow with your DD.

Thanks guys! I had a suspicion I should trust my own Mummy instincts on this one. It is so easy to be made to feel you must be doing something really wrong!

I actually had someone suggest that me and my DD were TOO close!? Well of course we are close when it is just her and me together you muppet! I suspect this was a bit of green eyed monster as it came from someone with 3 kids and a pain of a DH... her "perfect family" perhaps not quite so perfect and my "dysfunction" single parent family working rather nicely thank you!

DD (nearly 4) currently in with me most nights. We co-slept when she was small as she's always been a truly awful sleeper and it was the only thing that worked. She usually starts off in her own bed and comes in later (when I'm too tired to stop her. I worked out that I haven't had an unbroken night in over four years! Where are those mummy medals anyway?).

But like the others, I am confident that it's something that will work itself out. My DD has been through five homes and three periods of XP being with us in her short life - if I'm the only security she has then at least I can give her that. Too close my arse .

:)

If you want to read something lovely and reassuring I recommend "Three In A Bed" (obv in your case it's two, but I guess that's not as catchy a title!). It's a great book.

I also sleep with DS (nearly 2) and was worried about it but in the end I realised - it works for us, why should I worry about what anybody else thinks? As long as you aren't forcing her to sleep with you when she doesn't want to, what's the harm in it?

I also think that in a way it's a good thing WRT if you started seeing somebody, because it makes you more cautious and take things more slowly. You wouldn't invite someone back on the first date with your DD there, and you wouldn't rush to move anybody in because you'd be more worried about her feelings. Not suggesting that those with Dcs in their own room don't have these safety instincts, just that it kind of makes it easier to stick to. Does that make sense? I'm worried I will have offended somebody somehow!

Agree Tippy that as a security thing it can be really important. Small chd can cope with lots of change as long as a few thing are certainties.
I hearby award you a medal for dedication and courage in the face of insurmountable tiredness .
My daughter was an awful eater but an amazing sleeper and I always thought I would have simply died if she hadn't been. I went back to work full time when she was 5.5 months old (not my choice) and even the odd night of disturbed sleep wiped me out!

Yay! Milk bottle top medal for meeeeeeeee

As my Mum says, it's very few 14 year olds who are climbing into their parents beds. It'll work out. Though if she kicks like mine, I sympathise

Very relieved to read this thread!

My DD (now 10) has been in my bed since she was a few weeks old when she realised it was way nicer & cosier than her own cot & it was easier as she was BF. As I worked fulltime,from when she was 5 months old, I think she thought night-time was her chance to spend time with me! So lots of interrupted sleep.

As she got older, I expected her to want to sleep in her own room but she didn't. We've been on our own now for 6 years and whilst we've had phases of her starting the night in her own room, she always ends up with me. I'm assuming she won't still be there when she's 14!

What's interesting though is that she's at an age where she doesn't like people to know but I tell her that every family is different and I suspect that many of her friends spend some time in their parents' bed too.

I think everyone should go with whatever works for your family.

My daughter wanders through to my bed quite a bit.
I dont mind. Its usually when shes upset/worried about something. or when shes been at her dads for a few nights.

i like it, im sure in a short time she wont do it and ill miss it.

My younger 2DS are 11 and 10, and I let them sleep in my bed if they're upset or not very well or just simply need splitting up, I'll maybe potter about on the computer next to my bed until they're asleep.

Then usually when I'm tired or just think they've had time to calm down I try and wake them and ask them to get into their own bed. At this point they usually wake up but pretend to be asleep, wanting me to carry them to their bed. Usually ends in giggles as I stumble around half carrying them half dropping them while they pretend to be still asleep.

Also on holiday last month with all 3DSs the air-con in one of the two hotel rooms we were in broke down at about 1am. Therefore we all bumbled into the one room and shared a double bed between the four of us, me a 17, 11 and 10 year old. Jeez it was just so hot you couldn't get to sleep without air-con, even if it meant sharing a bed with a load of fidgit-pots.

I co-slept with all 3 of mine until about 2 and all 3 would come back in on occasion. Since H left, the younger 2 have tended to 'take turns' sleeping with me (have tried both at once but they both get to wriggly and hot! Oldest DS (13) has also come in on occasion which has surprised me but my guess is that he needs the support at least as much as the others and it's important, to me, that he doesn't feel he has to be a 'big boy'.

Unfortunately, despite the co-sleeping start, they make terrible bed mates as they wriggle, kick the covers off etc but this might have as much to do with the stress of the situation as the co-sleeping. I do, on occasion, insist on having the bed to myself which they seem to respect.

My DD is 17 months, she used to sleep through the night in her cot, then at about 10 months started waking in the early hours and I just put her in with me - I did think it would be a short term thing but 7 months later she still ends up in my bed with me, It is lovely.. even when being woken up with someone shouting at you and patting you on the face - Just wish she would learn to sleep in a bit instead of the 0530 - 0600 wake up calls every morning... I think I need to educate her about weekends as soon as possible .

Glad I'm not the only one. My DD, nearly 3, sleeps with me every night, and there isn't even a pretence of her going into her real bed. She's a complete bed-hog and has been known to kick me to try to force me to get up and make her breakfast, but I love it all the same. And yes on the security - we're living in the fourth house since she's been born, not counting the refuge, and I reckon she needs all the familiarity she can get.

NicknameTaken, can relate to the 'hogging' the bed - I have a kingsize bed and most nights find myself confined to the edge!!

Hopefully your DD will get up in a few years time and make you breakfast instead to make up for all the hogging and kicking in the past

I live for the day, Red!

Just been up to look at my gorgeous girl sleeping like an angel in my bed....... Went to the funeral of a friend's daughter today... she had just turned 17 and was a lovely, bright, talented girl who was killed in a car accident a couple of weeks ago. Really tragic. Only child too. Can't imagine how I would carry on...
Kinda makes me think bugger what anyone else thinks... I like her in my bed and she can stay until she is ready to leave.

my two younger ds, 5 & 8 almost always end up in my bed. Go to sleep in their own rooms but move into mine in the night. They will stop when they are ready

My two 3 & 5 sleep with me or in my room. We talk about "big beds" and when I have the ££ I would like to get them cabin beds. I would also like my bedroom back but they feel safe with me at night, I get more sleep with them there - just a pat for a nightmare - don't even have to get out of bed and I can't afford the new beds yet. Really, in the bigger picture, does it really matter? People co-sleep with their kids all over the world. It's normal. Being able to read a book at bedtime would be nice but I assume I have years of that ahead and actually making the most of the sleep I do get is also good (cos single parenting is exhausting - funny, none of the people who see fit to comment on our sleep set-up are single parents )

My DD (3 today) has slept in my bed for about a year now. She used to sleep perfectly well in her own bed but, when she was poorly, slept with me one night and has been in it every night since... I like it really.

I'm still in a sort of a relationship with her dad and when he stays over he has to sleep in the spare room

My DD (4) ends up in my bed most nights. We co-slept when she was younger and when she was 3 she choose to go into her own bed. now she starts off in her bed but 6 out of 7 nights creeps into mine. I love it except the wiggling.