I can't cope with this any more. I need to move house.

[Tortoise]

As some will know, my XP was violent to my DS1.
I have 2 DD's with him who he now sees for 2 hrs a month at a contact centre.

He lives about 6 miles away and i saw him in the town i live in today. I had to quickly grab DD's and tell them we needed to go in the shop. They didn't see him. I felt hot, sick and my heart was pounding. I wanted to cry all the way home.

Everywhere i go locally i worry he could be there. I don't want to see him and i really don't want to see him when i could have my DS1 with me. Problem is, in such a small town where he has 2 other DC, the risk is always there.

I want to move away. I live in a housing association property and have been on home swapper website for about 6mths with no luck.

If i rang my HA and explained the situation do you think i would get any help? Trouble is, the area i would love to go to (Devon), i have no family connection to which makes it even likely that i would be offered a property there.

In fact, right now, i would happily go almost anywhere to get away from him. But can't go to far because my 2 DS's have regular contact at their Dads house.

I don't know what to do.

This is something I dread happening. Somehow in nearly 2 years we haven't bumped into XP in town, and I know he only lives a mile away.

Speaking to your HA wouldn't hurt. Have you been in touch with the local WA or police DV team as they might have some ideas.

gosh, i understand op. I live about 20 miles from mine but have passed him occasionally on the roads (in devon btw!)

I always panis, as i prefer to just think of him as dead tbh. Where do you live?

Meglet, no i hadn't thought about ringing either of those, thanks.

Somerset, piratecat. He passed us all waiting to cross a road on a bike ride in the holidays. None of them noticed him and i struggled to calmly carry on across the road.
Has been 5yrs since he left and i have managed for all that time but it is getting to me more and more lately. Plus DS1 never goes out and i can't help but worry that XP is the reason why (He told DS1 that when he is older he will get him ). He hasn't said this is the reason, he may not even remember him saying it to him.

So sorry to hear you're going through this. It sounds awful.

Some HAs can be very enlightened about DV now so it's well worth trying that angle first. It may also be worth contacting social services, as they may be able to provide written support for your request to move on the basis that not doing so could affect the DCs emotional well-being. That will give you extra points so should help you get priority. Another angle you can try if none of this works is to involve your MP as things have a habit of miraculously falling into place when MPs get involved.

Good luck.

OptimistS Thanks. SS is a good idea. We had a SW for a long time but thankfully haven't had one for ages now. Not sure i would be brave enough to contact MP yet.

hi tort - optimists idea is a good one - the more official support you can get the better.

and dont be scared to contact your mp - give a brief account of why you need to relocate stressing how its affecting you all emotionally. after all - nothing ventured etc. good luck :)

Thank you JamestKirk. Will see how i go with HA then SW before thinking about MP. I find it hard to talk to people about what happened.