string of failed relationships

[chloemoody]

I have been single now for around 3 years and since I have had a few relationships and I have always been hurt in the process my dcs farther was abusive and unfaitfull and I feel as though I am trapped into a cycle of basically finding men who treat me with no respect.
I have had the you need to be happy in yourself before you meet someone else speech a lot and i underastand that and i am idependant and strong on my own but im am desperatly lonely and unhappy most of the time.
I dont feel as though I need someone to furfill me but I feel like I have been through all the rubbish and it should be my turn now but then i do meet someone it follows the same cycle I get attached they either move on or they use me because they know they can keep me hanging by a peice of string.
i have tried to distance myself but I end up falling for them too easily I cant help it then i get down when it doesnt work out and it goes round in cirlcles.
When I meet someone I know how it will go no matter what i do it always ends the same, im to the point now where as much as I want to find someone I dont think I will ever have a good realtionship, I have some nice guys that I know that would give me the world but im not interested in them because I cant find them attarctive so is it my fault for being shallow?
How do i break this cycle?

Basically you probably exude desperation. Decent men get scared off and players and no hopers thrive on it.

If you are not interested in nice guys its probably because you are the type who wants what they can't have. aka cat string theory.

It's very common for women. A bloke who offers them the world is no challenge and therefore is assumed unattractive.

We covet what we cannot have.

If you want to break the cycle then look seriously at why you find these nice guys unattractive and the bad boys attractive.

Lovely, niceguy

Chloe - I'm not quite sure but I think Niceguy is trying to help by suggesting you might not have high enough standards.

Mind you I have always gone for blokes I thought were a bit out of the ordinary, not necessarily that good looking etc and they have still all turned out to be absolute gits.

I think you might want to sit and write a list of things you really want in a partner - a proper partner that is. Someone who is a real adult, ie works, has a big sense of responsibility, is kind to his mother and to people in general.

Someone who doesn't drink too much, who doesn;t lie, who treats your child as his own.

At 23 (?) you are plenty young enough to meet someone still. You need to start thinking about it now though and definitely avoid anyone who doesn't meet your criteria. Be really exclusive and they will all want a bit of you.

Chloemoody, it is really true that you need to learn to be happy on your own first. A man will not make you happy, you need to make yourself happy.

Get adult company and companionship anywhere but not in the arms of a man. Enjoy yourself, get a hobby. What interests do you have outside of your children?

If you date, just date only, have some self respect and don't sleep around. You don't sound like you can emotionally handle any kind of rejection just now.

I have attracted the same sort of 'wrong' type over the last 10 years. This is the first time in a long time that I am single. I can feel it's different this time. I do want a relationship eventually but it will have to a seriously amazing and wonderful man. I'm willing to wait. Meanwhile I shall date and be a social butterfly

You should do the same.

hi - dont have any answers tho oddly youve also summed me up quite well - and i'm a fella. my last proper gf said i attracted psychotic women tho she happily included herself. since we split up she has unfortunately been proven right and ive yet to figure out why.

Oooh, Jamestkirk and Chloemooody- maybe this could be the start of something beautiful? He he

chloemoody, you sound so unhappy. I think many of us can relate to feeling lonely. Sometimes it is really, really tough.

Have also dated some..lets just say unfortunate types. My problem, I think, is that I have been too willing to forgive/excuse awful behaviour and try to see the best in people. There are peoplw who take advantage of that but I try not to let it get me down.

Anyhow, I know it's probably not what you want to hear but being happy or at least content in your own company is the key. Better unhappy on your own than with some tosser!

Start by thinking about what things you like to do and are interested in and take it from there. Good luck :)

Supercherry is right. Have you read John Gray's 'how to want what you have and have what you want'. It's a very good book and I hate self-help books. but it's all about your different 'tanks'. Family, career, relationship, social, interest.

You have to fill them ALL up even if you are only interested in relationship.

At the moment I'm not even going there! Also single 3 years and I don't want to be like kerry katona. My standards are so high now. I don't mean, 6 foot one, astronaut mike dexter. I just mean, such a kind, decent, good-humoured person, that somebody else has most likely snapped him up. So, stay single it is then.

I don't think the wrong relationship will cure loneliness. Don't turn into Kerry Katona! lurching chaotically from one disastrous relationship to another. FAR better to be single.

Re-build yourself. I'm thinking that being single for another few years will be the making of me. Will make me properly independent. (financially and practically as well as just in spirit). I do like socialising by the way, I'm not somebody who doesn't need people or company.

Think about reading that book, I read it when I was feeling low years ago (pre-kids).