Can't work out a good system for kids seeing their Dad

[SingleMumAndProud]

I am very bothered by this today. DH moved out 2 months ago and he has visted them 3 times here and only once at his house.

Him coming here isn't practical because:

• It takes him 2+ hours on the train and a £40 round journey!
• I hate him coming in here - he just makes a mess, gets in my way and causes more stress.

Him having the kids at his (his Mums house) isn't practical because:

• His Mum keeps making excuses as to why they can't come to hers.
• Its the long journey again. I don't mind dropping them off if they are going to be there over night but I can't do it for a couple of hours (its 1-3 hours drive each way, depending on M25)

The kids are 1 and 2. DD1 keeps asking for Daddy and really misses him. DD2 VERY wary of anybody she doesn't know really well.

I live in an area away from everybody I know (moved her with DH and then we split up) so I don't have any help. Would love to have some child free time while DH has them.

What are his plans? Assuming that living with his mother is a temporary arrangement.

Is he unable to buy somewhere until the house/divorce are sorted out? Is he intending to find somewhere he can accomodate the dc in when he does move?

If he intends to settle near where he is now would you consider moving there? Is that closer your friends/family/support as well?

You can't really expect him to make proper arrangements while he has nowhere suitable to take them. If his mother is unwilling to have the dc there, and you are unwilling to have him there, what exactly are you proposing as a way forward in the mean time?

I can't see him moving out of his Mums anytime soon. He can move out anytime he wants - he just can't be bothered. He has it easy living off his Mum.

I don't KNOW What to propose - which was the whole point of my post. I don't see how this is going to work, but he does still want to see them. Apparently, when he can be bothered.

Maybe you could find a public place or activity to go to where you can leave them with him for a couple of hours a fortnight. Libraries, indoor play-areas or somewhere outdoors in good weather? But perhaps he doesn't drive? Which makes things harder but not impossible. Somewhere near a place where you can take a real break eg. a gym with pool etc. Would need advance planning but would be worth it to continue a sense of involvement/responsibility for him and some contact for your children.
Why are so many men back with Mum these days?! (and what is she playing at obstructing contact anyway?!)