done something really stupid!

[kittycat68]

have three kids all with SN been a bloody nightmare over the school hols socail services refused to help me at all said give them to thier father if you cant cope. hes violent and controlling thats why we left in the first place. for the last few weeks had to deal with autistic DS 12 trying to drink mediince smashing up the house several times as well as taking aknife to us all on a couple of occasions. finally snapped today and dumped them with thier dad as felt i couldnt cope any more and no one would ever help me, now regetting this but i was desparted for a break!:( shouted at them to get out of the car when i saw him and drove off leaving them with him, what have i done ;(

You've done what you needed to do.

As their father, he has a responsibility to share the care of them. It really is unfair to expect you to cope with 3 sn children with no help from anyone.

Are they safe?
Will he look after them and bring them back when you are ready for them?

If so, then relax, enjoy a bit of time alone and recharge your batteries for when they come home again.

dont no if he will bring them back he will probably cal ss on tuesday and report me for abusing them cos hes an arse!
DO HAVE A RESIDENCE ORDER for the kids dont know if they are safe he has a bad temper but denies this obviously feeling very sad right now...... should have had the strength as usual but with all three in pubensence phases i just couldnt cope any longer and whilst i know i need a break and a rest i now just sit here crying:(

right, the thing to do is to get a good night's sleep so you're well rested tomorrow.

Easier said than done, I know, but do your best.

First thing tomorrow, ring him and ask if you can come and collect the children. If he's an arse or refuses, then ring the police and tell them that he is refusing to return the children to you. You have the residency order so they need to live with you.

I am sure that if he did report you to SS, they would see that you are a very stressed mum struggling to cope under very difficult circumstances and may even offer some help.

Do you have any family support nearby?

although, if you really think that the children may not be safe with him, ring him now and get them back tonight

dont have any family support. TBh i dont want to go near him due to his past behaviour has at knife at my throat before, again denied but got a non moleststion order anyway dont know if i have the courage to go to his house either as scared of him, god why did i do this its all my own fault the kids must be scared also as they dont like to have any contact with him either. will they ever forgive me.....

can you phone him?

is it possible to pick them up tonight or ask if theyre ok to be there overnight?

either way - make excuses for leaving them and collect them tomorrow when convenient.

Kittycat, poor you. First off- of course your children will forgive you, they love you. You sound in a state. I think squonk is right in what she says.

Also, things always seem worse at the time and without hindsight.

I am sure plenty of mums have done what you have just done. It is difficult and your situation sounds very hard. Could you call your ex [difficult I can imagine] but just to put your mind at ease that the kids are ok if anything or to say when you are going to pick them up? Can you call any of his family to help maybe? Or if you are really worried, what about an out of hours social worker-calling them and maybe they could speak to him for you? I don't know, clutching at straws here, but I hope you are ok.

"socail services refused to help me at all said give them to thier father if you cant cope." do you ahve this in writing? when you split what happened? is there anyone in SS you speak to youtrust?

have S assessed your ex in terms of the children etc? presumably they ahppy with this care of them? obviously there a lot more to this and it hard to see - but if SS told you to hand them to him then you need to speak to SS about what other help you need .

if he can look after them then fine - get an arangement sorted for times he takes them?

did you ahve a owmens aid worker supprioting you when you left of police dv unit? i think at this point you need some real life support, some one you feel you can trust to be fair and support you in delaings with SS... my eldest has SLD ASd and sshave been fully supprotive in my separation and care etc, esepc over not hadning dcs over when i feel it hsnt been safe -i do understand why you did so tho - but if you ahe conerns aboutthem you need SS on your side.

if hee is capable parent that is one thing - if he isnt then what is going on?

in any case, if SS did say hand them over then they now responsible....

kittykat68, hope you are ok. I struggle with 4 "normal" children so know a wee bit how hard it is. Have you phoned to make sure they are ok? Iam hoping you might be able to get some sleep tonight.

phoned the children at 10.30. children said they hate me then hung up.:( cant sleep.

children say that. They rarely, if ever, mean it

What's going on now?

kittycat68, I'm sure they didn't mean it,my children sometimes say that to me and it cuts so deep, but next minute they love me again. How are you/they today?

hope you ok today and been able to see your children?