Rant about ex -again

[Tiddlybear]

Just want to have a moan really -as no one o real really understand.

Left abusive ex 2.5 years ago - definately the right thing to do but I have taken time to adapt to my new life and still feel a bit embarrassed etc as I life in small rented house ad he lives in our family house and has had freedom to get life back in tract (after spending 1st year trying to get me back - note being a decent person, but by trying to trick me into having sex with him!)

Anyway he started seeing someone from work about 6 months ago -she started staying over on the odd noght that the dc's are at their dad's. No mention about it to me. I said nothing - post on here suggested it was non of my business, I accpeted that. I sent him a light e-mail to say that dc's had mentioned girlfriend staying over and no problem , just no secrecy, he emailed bck to day, it was none of my business.

Anywat when I was getting out joint house ready to be sold there was a couple of things lyig around that suggested she was pregnant. I said nothing.

Today he mentioned she existed and was pregnany (4 months he was known her 6 months)
They were apparently not telling anyone until 2nd scan. Only he has told everyone at work,all his friends and family. He came up with reasons for why he had to tell these people that were bizaree - when I explained that all his work colleauges and friends are closley linked to mine - I suggested that it was wrong to let everyone (and most people I know) without telling me. It was been an awkard time for me knowing everybosy knew but wasn't discussin it with mw.

Also pissed of because he has refused to pay child maintenace, send another solicitor ketter 2 weeks ago, if he fails to reponsd will apply to CSA.

Also he has been obstructive and slow about the divorce and never replies to letters etc.

He claims he want to see the boys "as much as possible" but cannot manange at all durin gthe week despite working 4 days most of the time and chopping and changing times at the weekend. He has them this weekend but went out all say sat and left them with his mum.

Just want to scream - I know I have no right to complain but finding it all a bit difficult this weekend.

I think I am fed up because everything is so much work dc have woken me every night for weeks, so exhausted. Back at school so homeowork, clubs extra to prepare for on top of work.
Until this weekend, ex had only had them for a couple of hours here and there for 6 weeks.

When he came to get them on Friday - ds2 hid under the table as he didn't want to go, so stressful.

Ex's girlfriend was sitting in his car when he dropped dc's off today at my parents. I had to transfer stuff from his car while ex was in my parents house. At this point I didnn't officially know her but it seemes so rude to ignore her so I said to ds1 - is this X , I then said hello - she didn't look verrh happy and ex didn't look happy whenn I said - oh by the way I said hello to her - I think that was why he told she she was pregnant as noticible - what was I supposed to do - take stuff out the car and ignore her!
One of those days!

Sorry, he kept your family home and you moved out with the children? Who visited him while the new GF slept over (very much your business IMO so soon after a split, that's hardly giving them time to get used to it)?
Now shes pg and he still doesn't pay anything?
He sounds like a Grade A shit and you do have a right to complain.

To be honest I think that you need to try and seperate your life from his - you said that your friends were all his work friends etc. Then get the money thing sorted, and backdated, soonest. A proper access agreement might help too. Are your solicitors OK? Shouldn't they be on the case a little more?
What a knob, am angry for you

Solicitor letter a couple of weeks ago, asking for 20% of pay as per CSA and for him to send last 3 wage slips. He will ignore it as he has ignored other letters.
I will then have to go to CSA, but I beleive they don't back pay and by the time it is osrted, new baby will be here.
I think He has realised no consequenced from ignoring soliciors letter.

I'm glad you think it is my business - I posted here a coupld of months ago, under a different name and the general thought was that it was none of my business that she was staying there without letting me know.

But it must have been just weeks after the split? I would bloody well want to know who was staying in the house with my children. Especially immediately after they've moved out.
I couldn't care less who my Ex sleeps with, I thank the heavens it's not me and it isn't my business now. But anyone he brings into my DD's life on a personal level like that is my business and vice versa.

Go through the CSA, only offer him fixed contact so at least you can still plan your life knowing that he won't have them apart from possibly Saturday or whatever.

Have you joined families need fathers? They are very well known for helping any parent through the divorce and contact procedures especially if you self represent.

There is no consequence of him ignoring sol letter re maintenance. And he will string CSA along for a while.

Don't wait for his answer to sol letter. Phone CSA now. You can always agree after to not involve them IF he starts paying. Unlikely though don't you think?

Yes, think I will phone CSA.
Sorry - we actually split 2 years ago -so obviously not inappriate in that sense- its just that he had only known her a month or so and now she is pregnant .

Try to offer every 2nd weekend but he is always chopping and changing.
I need to get stricter - and not change unless very good reason. I have no life as never know in advance what is happening.

Oh OK, my mistake sorry. Was getting awfully worked up on your behalf there.
I would still want to know who was having that kind of intimate relationship with my children and would give my Ex the same courtesy.

I would echo, phone CSA.

I think you do need to set firm boundaries, realistically a court would probably say one mid week evening and every other weekend is appropriate considering his lack of involvement for the last 2 years. Offer him that and refuse to back down - worst he can do is take you to court over it

As you say your divorce is not yet through and Child support not sorted, can you go for 50/50 residency, or at least lay out legally how often he will care for the children? It sounds to me like he's not doing enough of the childcare.

I have to say, though, the rest and his new life is nothing to do with you unless it harms the children, which I can't see that it does.

He won't see them during the week - I have offered and tried to accomodate an overnight per week or a non-residential contact i.e 3pm-7pm on the day he doesn't work. Has never taken me up on it - so I can't force him.

He does no actual childcare - doesn't deal with school, keep no clothes at his house, so I get a bag of dirty washing when they are there.He had some clothes at one point but gave me them back as he didn't want them.

There is only so much I can force him to do.

As to the rest of his life- of course it is his business - that is why I have never inderfered. It is just annoying that a couple of my friends and their children found out tha tmy children are going to half new half slbling when they didn't know .

Absolutely you can't force him but you can offer him reasonable fixed contact and then it is his decision to not take it up, he then can't complain to the courts that you are not making the children available to him.

Hope that makes more sense. Stop trying to accommodate him - he is being unreasonable, you know it, he knows it so stop living your life around him being an idiot.

Have offered reasaonable contact (more than he actually wants) via solicitors on several occassions that is all I can do.

I have to stop agreeing to change things.

Yes you do, stand up for yourself and come here and vent away when he's being an arse. He won't be so carefree when his newest child arrives!

Yes - have to let us steam - writing it down makes it seem clearer than he is being a twat - he almost manages to convince me how he is the victim in all this!