3 week old baby meeting ex new girlfriend..

[becausewecan]

My DD is just 3 weeks old and as any new mum I am just finding my feet and coping with each day as it comes.. Her father and I split before she was pregnant but I am happy for him to be involved in her life. Before the birth we talked about and mutually came to agreement on several issues such as contact and finance. One of these agreements was that my ex would not introduce his new girlfriend to my DD until their relationship was more established.
They have only been together since may and until a few weeks ago this was a long distance relationship as she lived in Scotland. However he is now pressurising me into meeting his new gf. Apparently she is feeling left out and it will make her feel better to meet my DD.
Am I being unreasonable in not allowing them to meet until I am happy this is a more permanent relationship? He is convinced she is 'the one' but he says this about every girl he meets and spun all the same lines on me last year. He's also still married to a woman in Cuba that he met on holiday and has an 18 month old child with her. So I'm not convinced about the permanancy of this new relationship.
He has also not stuck to anything else we agreed upon and seems to have little concern with DD but more in controlling me. He won't give me times for his visits, wants to know exactly what I am doing when he can't see DD. He is convinced I am jealous of his new love
and am just being spiteful. I only tolerate him so DD
can have a relationship with her dad but he is making
it so hard I just want him to disappear.

TBH, I think the issue of the new gf is far less important than the issues of finance and contact. It's not as if a 3 week old will remember her, so why would you be bothered about the permanency (or otherwise) of his relationships? However, if what you mean is that he wants to bring strangers to your house during his visits then you are well within your rights to refuse. Making his new gf feel better is not your job.

You need to get some distance from him so you can focus on your DD. I'd write to him, politely reminding him of the things you agreed on re finance and contact. If you didn't mention it before, make sure that you suggest that visits are regular and any changes are requested in advance. Remind him that DD is the focus and his visits are so that he and DD can form a bond and so he can learn how to look after her.

Yes, you need to formalise his contact times and, if you would rather not have him in your home, arrange for him to see DD elsewhere. WRT the new GF meeting your DD, a three week old baby is not really going to know or care who she is, or remember and miss her should she depart from your XP's life, so it isn't anything you need to worry about (unless you have other concerns ie the GF is an alcoholic or known to be violent or anything like that).
But given that this man appears to have other children he doesn;t care about, I wouldn't bend over backwards to accommodate him as he may well piss off completely at some point (and if he is this type, the sooner he pisses off the better, before your DD is old enough to know who he is, love and miss him)

You absolutely are NOT being unreasonable - for goodness's sake, my stitches had barely healed at 3 weeks post birth, there's no way his GF should be coming anywhere near your baby. She should respect that and back right off. Stick to your guns. There's no need for any involvement for his partner until the baby is at least a year old. After all, you're hardly in a position to be courting right now are you?