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Access advice please sorry long

6 replies

roundthebend4 · 29/08/2010 08:23

moved away from my previous home due to my ex living in same town and his lifestyle choices and friends was mpacting on the children ,Things thrown at house , dog pooh smeared on door and dc being spat at in the street when out with him or with me.Xh also lived and slept with a16yo ok not illegal but still made very tough life for my dc as you can imagine in small town

xh had pretty much open access as felt was best for dc used see them week and at in the week .Though when he took ds3 out he always wanted either ds2 or ds1 there which are sons from my previous realtionship .Due to not coping with ds3 sn and having dd who is 7

I kept giving details of signing courses but he would never attend even though told him they were heavily subsided so not much to pay .

Well I moved as impact was to great on dc.We are settled about 45mins away so not hrs and hrs and i contacted him to arrange contact and first wa stalking ok ,then he statrted mentioing going to solictor as i said at first would rather just him and dc meet .Would not give him my current address as his now Gf as made it clear does not like me and there are issues around her familys behaviour GBh recored , Abh and drugs etc .Though offered him my mums address for mail and my mobile which he has my mobile

Next time I called as he had failed to call so called him to try and work out when he would like to see the dc .His current gf wa sin background screaming abuse of .So told him was not acceptable and to contact me when he could talk.

he then contacted me through Fc to tell me not to contact him again and he was going to a solictor

Then nothing for a month though has my mobile no attempt to call .We then got in yesterday find a solictors letter on mat saying he wants access to the children without anyone else there and solictor can not see any rerason he should not diclose my address to myXh

Now im happy for him to see the dc np at all but my concern is ds3 who is 5 does not talk he uses makton and is physically and metally disabled functions mentslly at around 3yo and has epilepsy .

Xh refused training in signing when together, so obviously i am reluctant to let him see ds3 without me least being around in the background due to xh not being able to communicate or deal with a seizure or can i ask that he gets some training before having ds3 on his own.

Xh not wanting overnight he asking monthly .Though i offered him weekly

Where do i stand with regards my address and with him seeing ds3 without support.

Oh and the letter gives me 14 days to respond or there file at court , can i legal aid to send in letter am happy for him to have access as long as he gets training regarding ds3 or that he has to accept for now that ill be in background.

We do get on ok no screaming matches etc , though do think if current gf asround she will not be to happy

Am thinking places like the zoo .Ill be there to but not with them will find a quiet corner to enjoy some peace but near enough if problem arrises that he can call my mobile and i can get to ds3

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roundthebend4 · 29/08/2010 08:55

Oh and informed I would happily transport dc there as his current car will not fit ds3 wheelchair in even though means I'll be transporting on public transport as no car myself till January

am trying to be resonable but now do I contact him again try to discuss things or do I now move onto doing through solictors

he took family car when we split up which fair as had not passed my test then .But it broke down and he said could not afford repairs of £500 so let garage keep it

but then few months later with his mums help brought a Kia which is 2 plus 2 and no boot to speak of

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roundthebend4 · 29/08/2010 09:22

Help please have just re read letter and turns out solictor as informed my ex where were living without even waiting fir response

It's not xh I'm worried about it his current gf family knowing where we are

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elastamum · 29/08/2010 09:30

You need a solicitor of your own. Go to citizens advice or womens aid and ask for suggestions. Also see if you can get legal aid. I am not an expert but I would imagine you have a strong case for supervised access to your children if ex cant communicate and is not trained to look after him. He cant expect the older children to care for your youngest. But you will need some legal help to sort this all out.

As regards the current gf and family history of abuse towards you, that is all relevant and you should get some legal advice on how best to deal with any harassment.

roundthebend4 · 29/08/2010 09:41

Ty ds1 and ds2 are not his children there mine from previous relationship but would go along as in their own words he can not cope even he used to ask one of them to come

It's the worry of her family that made me move giving up council house everything to start again.The police were involved as got so bad

I'm worried about them now knowing till now have felt safe living here:( and don't want to move again

I thought a solictor would least checked if was a reason before declaring my adress to him

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SolidGoldBrass · 30/08/2010 11:17

Yes contat Women's AId: you need expert advice and someone on your side. Remember that your XP's solicitor will ask for what your XP wants but you do not have to obey a solicitor, you only have to comply with a court order, and just because XP takes you to court does not mean that the court will find in his favour.
He has so far refused to learn to care for your DS properly, and he lives with violent drug addicts - the court will almost certainly recommend supervised contact only. If they allow contact at all - it may be found to be not in your DS best interests to spend time with his father. But you do need proper help and advice. Best of luck.

roundthebend4 · 30/08/2010 11:40


Have spoken to my landlord and thankfully he is supportive as they had been seen pulling into yard at side if my house turning round then driving of .he is happy to write letter asking them to keep of his land as requires 24 access as runs breakdown yard from it

So in day there's always someone around if trouble and ge has asked his security team to keep extra eye at night plus yard is coveted by CCTV sobanyine coming near doors be seen .Part of reason felt safe and secure here

But will contact solictor tomorrow inbetween making sure ds1 registers for course .then weds ds3 has apponment in Chelmsford so 2 hrs each way at least on transport then Thursday ds3 has physio and Ot and arghhh still need chase up head support for wheelchair or he can't go to school next week on transport and also ds has Ot coming to house set up his new chair fir sitting at the table with hope he can feed self better when more supported

And now got to deal with this needed it like hole in head

Oh and make sure other dc ready for school Monday

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