why did i feel ashamed? rant

[single1ds]

i took my son to party today and the first question i was asked when i walked though the door ,"so where is your other half?"

i hope you are proud of me.

while i normally dont admit it or brush it off i said "oh, i am single, my h who i was with for 13 yrs left me when son when he was 18 months old"!! (happened 14 months ago)

it may not seem a big thing to some of you,but i have felt ashamed for so long, feeling not as good as other 2 parent families, lost all my confidence after beign put down so much, but now i think f*ck it.

i feel a bit liberated after being in denial.. next step i might actually divorce him

good for you!!! It is a big step forward when you can hold your head up high and tell it like it is. It took me ages to do that.

well done

took me a long time too, for lots of reasons. i'm a fella and have spent years as a single parent - and not by choice. can't even begin to say how thats made me feel - and still i can take some things the wrong way.

anyway - well done.

one woman said to me during introductions 'so did you move here for your husband's job?'
she is now one of my best friends
well done!

I remember a lot of mothers at my kids posh private school asking me 'what does your husband do' when we had just moved there and he had left us. i used to grit my teeth and say 'I am a single parent - he left us just after we moved!' Their faces were a picture Many of them still think I am a bit of an oddity - there arent many (any?) other single working mothers there, but I have just grown a thick skin

Oh well done.
I am waiting to pluck up the courage when school goes back, to tell people there (and therefore the whole village ) that I am newly single. ExP and I were on last legs when we moved here for a "fresh start", guess how well that went.
I will be inspired by your story

Good for you. Going through something like that and coming out the other side is something to be proud of!

hi
thanks for the words of support.
i didnt think it would ever happen to me, but who does?
anyway, it has taken me 14 months but it is a step in the right direction.
i overheard people at work today talking about "single mothers" people i know who know my situation. it is as if they have a prejudice and i genuinally dont think they realised i was sitting there listening!
a thick skin is certainlly why you need and i am going to have to get used to it!
some people seem obsessed about "what your husband does" why does it matter? is it to compare? is it a class thing.

Well done you! I have always said 'DS dad doesn't live with us' and only elaborated if asked further - I also only ever refer to him as DS' dad or my co-parent (because he isn't my partner and wasn't when DS was concieved, we were old drinking buddies who now have a perfectly amicable co-parenting relationship) - but people do still expect mothers to have partners and boggle when you say you don't - and some people boggle even more when you refuse to appear crushed or shamed by the fact but just cheerfully state it when asked.

and others turn out to be like my friend, lovely!
I tease her about it now
she is not married either, but most people with children round here are

It guts doesn't it - I am getting better as well. Folk do loos at you oddly. I think I am the only single parent in my son's year at school.
I find it hard to hold my head up high but getting better. I realise that if you are breezy and light about it, most people just accept it (and I have decided just to ignore any who are - they are in the minority)

well done, things like this often go straight over my head and so in that way I guess I am lucky and have never felt shameful being a single parent.

tb I used to be the only one
but things change and there are several of us now

If it means anything I was always (and still am) very proud of my single Mum. She brought my brother and I up and put us through Uni etc with absolutely no support from our father. She is a wonderful woman who is a great example to her children - maybe I should tell her more often!

Thanks lal - that is good to hear. I am always looking around for nice people raised by single mums, there are lots around.

I know I shouldn't be ashamed - ridiculous really, but such a spontaneous emotion when someone asks. Getting better, i think.

Why be ashamed?!!

My dad's son left him (us) at 6 months, well, we survived - of course! - he is now 19 and on his way to university!

YEA!!

don't get hung up on these hung up peeps! :o

or as they say SHEEPLE lol

Well done.

I completely understand how you feel, I feel a failure as I was not able to make it work with my XP. He was quite literally a habitual womaniser, had been for fifteen years, everyone knew it, as did I. I just thought I was "his one", believed all his one liners and so when DD came along thought he'd got everything he'd always wanted. How wrong I was.

I left him a year ago and still feel incredibly hurt, angry, bitter and sad but am beginning to realise it wasn't me, it's all about him and his outlook on women. He continues to spiral from one woman to the next where as my DD and I have a lovely, happy life together.

I am only just beginning to be honest with people but find it tremendously difficult.

As I said, well done, good for you.