-----------------------

[knickers0nmyhead]

I knew years ago he didn't love me. I knew I wasn't a priority in his life. That he just did the 'right thing' because I fell pregnant.

4 years doesn't sound like a lot, but he was only my second partner. Never had anyone else apart from him and the bloke before.

Now I am left with two kids, I'm over weight and hating myself. I being made to feel guilty for finally claiming tax credits, for going to college, and for putting ds in crèche when I go.

His fucking drinking has taken over his life, and my bloody life.

He told me he hates me, but hates me even more now for claiming tax credits. I'm not even asking for any maintenance because he has made me feel so guilty that he only has about £70 a week to live on after hi mortgage and bills have been paid.

And while he is 'hoping to meet someone new once his drinking problem is sorted'

Im fucking sat here crying my eyes out cos the kids have wrecked my house and I don't know what to do.

I have no energy, at all. Call me lazy if you want, but I cannot find the strength to do anything. I just want to hid under my quilt and forget that there is a world here.

emotionally manipulative bastard!!!

you are not lazy you are run done.
You need to get to a point where you are able to be free from his opinions, which are obviously upsetting you. There is no shame in claiming the tax credits if you need to. TBH i would probably tell him that he is entitled to hate me for claiming tax credits but the alternative was to claim maintenance and he would hate you more for doing that.

You need someone to come along with wise and soothing words. I just want to kick his ass and tell him to sod off. You desever better.

He has been claiming them the last 10months we have been living apart.

You are right. I am run down. But because He has the dc Saturday until Sunday I should be ok to 'recharge my batteries' in his words. But he doesn't seem to realise that whilst he has the kids, I am cleaning up the mess that they have created all week long.

He thinks he is 'babysitting' the kids, and doing me a huge favour by doing so.
That I am out shagging when he has the kids and that I have already got a new man.

I've lost faith in men now.

My head is a mess because of him. He says I have anger issues, well, yeah, I do, but I am always angry at myself for letting put me through what he had done.

I do shout at my kids more often that I should. But I am fed up of them being really good at his house and his mums, then coming back here and being nightmares. The things they have done today have really upset me. DD came back from grandma's yesterday and then I get this behaviour.

He expects me to do a main shop on my own, taking two toddlers, one in a buggy, on a bus. Do my weekly shop, then come back on the bus.

I am lazy because I cannot face doing this. I did it for a midweek shop and I broke down on the bus.

Yep, but I can tell you you probably get the behaviour cos you discipline and he doesnt cos he spoils. It is the same here. I have spent the last 3 days bollocking ds for his behaviour. I have put my foot down and his dad's family will NOT behaving him at the beginning of the summer so that I can spend some time with him before they cause me problems.

How old are the dc now? I have got to the point if ds refuses to tidy his toys away the go in a box and get put away. I dont look at them. And I dont let him have them back for what ds complains is ages But he knows now that he dont do it he dont get to keep them. i dont have time or energy or wish to be his slave.

I have shouted at ds so much today I have lost my voice. it happens. Dont beat yourself up. Do something this weekend for you. Can you treat yourself to a trip to the cinema or a coffee and cake out somewhere? something that gets you out of the house but youdont have to rely on other people for. I have my escape. Thankfully, I have family "help" but does mean I get out once a week, it is only 2-3 hours to myself out of the house but it makes a huge huge difference.

Is this an option? Even if it is only when your dc are with the ex?

Is it possible to use the online shop service. Hell I have one child and i would take him on a bus or shop never mind the two together.

My dad helps me out a hell of a lot, I've really come to rely on him and at times like this, he has to be working away!!

If I get the house done then I may go for coffee.
DD has just turned 3 and ds is 2 on Halloween.
The toys really don't bother me, they just get chucked in a box at the end of the day. Its the emptying of the fridge and smearing everything on the floor, the arguing, fighting, answering back, flooding the bathroom, blocking the toilet etc etc that have started pissing me off and getting me down.

Thank you for replying to me btw.

1. do online shopping.

1. go to see your GP. ask about counselling and prescription for exercise programme at local gym - to counter depressiona dn to aid weight loss.

1. go to lcoal sure start centre ask about parenting courses - just to pick up a few tricks and to meet other parents who may be struggling

1. ask sure start centre for volunteer to come and weekly visit with you to help out and lsiten to your concerns -two small ones if tricky at this age

the arguing, fighting, answering back, flooding the bathroom, blocking the toilet etc etc - well they only two and three - they not aware of what they doing are they? just playing, discovering? so deep breaths.... and lots of play learning about what is ok to do and what isnt - role play with dolls and dolls houses for example what goes in the toilet what does not...etcetc

I used to set up areas of distraction when ds was little - oh and lock the bathroom door from the outside.

Basically tv was always on to catch his attention for those 2 seconds that might distract him from that naughty idea.

there was playdough type stuff or mucky play stuff in the kitchen on small table.

toys were rotated so felt new to him. every month.

Trips to the local library for story time

PLay groups to get out of the house. the local to us then church had one 50p per session. It took a good chunk of a morning one morning a week

We fed the ducks from the safety of the buggy to get out of the house for a couple of hours everyday.

It will get better toddlers are very hard work because of the difference between their wish to do vs their understanding of consequences

also...try to cut communicaiton with him - he is still engaging you in conversatiosn about how he feels about you - what you claim eg taxx credits is nothing to dow ith him any more.

try broken record technique think of stock phrases to use to him when he starts ranting to you - "let's stick to relevant conversation about the children"

"i am not interested in your opinions, bye"

"glad the chidren had a nice time, thanks and good bye"

it does take some practice - had to do one this morning handing over dds- he started saying i was in the wrong etcetc - "we are not going to discuss that now, bye bye girls have a nice day" and shut the door....