Feeling very upset today :-(

[frazzle26]

My ex husband and his gf have just taken my son for the day. My ex husband has only just got back from a trip with the navy where he did not contact ds for 4 months. When they arrived they made a big show of cuddling him together like a family before she carried him most of the way to the car. I am now sat here crying about this as I feel that they're going to be off playing happy families when ex husband hasn't bothered for 4 months.

Just feel so sad and wondered how other people coped seeing their children go off with ex partners (particularly ones that they despise)

BUMP

Frazzle, I feel for you. It is very painful. I actually think it was very insensitive to carry your son like that in front of you. I also think it's awful your ex has not contacted your son for 4 months. I expect, although they [the adults] seem to be a happy family and may think they are, your son knows that you are the most important person in his life and he probably sees it very differently.

I dont think I did cope very well when this happened to me but it does get better in time, I hated it at first/made me so upset but in time it gets easier and now I don't care and it is great! You will get to that point too.

Don't know what the answer is except to keep reminding yourself that your son loves you and you are the one who is his most important person, first and foremost always there for him, providing for him and knowing him everyday-no one can take all that away no matter how much they spoil/treat or act like a family-they just are not the same as you and their relationship will never be as strong.

be strong, just smile, and good luck.

I know this sounds glib frazzle, but I used to just look away!I had an overwhelming desire to shout 'get your hands off my child' when her stepmother cuddled her. I've got used to it (after a few years) and I'm actually glad that they care about each other.

What kind of father doesn't bother with his child for 4 months?

Children know more than we give them credit. They know who will be there for them in the hard times and they know who are just there for the good times.Your ex and his girlfriend can play happy families all they want, that's just what it is 'playing'.

It's a shit feeling there's no doubt about that. Could someone do the handover for you next time?

I agree also that his GF should have been more sensitive but she's probably just ignorant. At least it's a sign she will be kind to your son. At the end of the day his happiness is all that counts. At least you are facilitating the relationship with his father. That's all you can do really.

It's just really hard when he doesn't bother for so long and then suddenly decides to want to be happy families again. I know he went away for work but he could have stayed in contact.

Not a bad idea about someone else doing the handover Supercherry. I'm sure my mum would oblige. I'll see how i go next time and see how i feel.

That's the thing isn't it Frazzle- your ex's behaviour could be improved upon (putting it diplomatically) but that's why he's your ex isn't it?

I do this- trying to rationalise my ex's behaviour- the problem is that just because we split up with them does not make them stop being an arse. They will never change but at least you don't have to live with it anymore :)

As long as your son has a brilliant mum (and I'm sure he does) then he wil be fine too.

right frazzle, you made me cry when i read that. poor you. i agree with legostuckinmyhoover (funny name!) because your son will know you are the most important person in his life and are there for him 24/7. my partner of 10 years just left in june to go back to oz. so i dont hve that issue at the moment but ill in the future and even the mere thought of it makes me feel sick. so i really feel for you, think your doing rally well. as for her carrying him to the car...very insensitive and unecessary. hope you get on ok.