Hello everyone, this is the first thread I've started.
I have two more or less grown-up sons and a 10yo DD from another relationship. She lives mostly with me though she sees her father several times a week and he and I are on cordial terms.
I lead a very solitary life--come from a dysfunctional family that left me suffering from terrible social anxiety as well as fear of intimacy. I have a couple of friends but don't see them very often, my social life such as it is mostly takes place online.
So we hardly see family, and don't have family friends.
I've had some therapy but none of the therapists have really understood that I suffered extensive abuse, some thought I just needed a pep talk, and others addressed minor issues like making phone calls. I have tried to work through some to these things on my own but am still stuck when it comes to practical things like how to meet new people or get to know them (takes me forever). Anything like going to a gym or even going for a walk round the local park for exercise is still beyond me (phobic about being looked at).
I am terribly worried that my DD will grow up to be as shy and lonely as I am and that she will resent me for it, though that's a lesser worry. Her dad is pretty unsociable, although in his case it's by choice.
We don't live in the UK, we live in a place where you have to drive everywhere and there aren't many amenities--eg one museum where we practically know every object by heart. I can't cope with long drives/outings by ourselves, worry about car breaking down and not having anyone to call to help us, and we have no one to go with. I am terrible about calling her friends' mums to arrange for them to see each other and she seems to be developing a similar fear of making phone calls etc.
Sometimes I dread weekends and holidays, I just don't know how to get through them. It's like being buried alive but I feel even worse about it for her sake. I don't know what's normal, I don't know what other people do. I have been so proud of myself for breaking the family cycle of abuse but I hate to think that I am going to ruin her life anyway.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation or have any suggestions?