feel desperate

[without]

I'm a very long-time single mum and my eldest will be off to Uni soon. My youngest is thinking about moving in with his dad, step-mum and half-brother which means I will have to sell my house as I won't be able to afford the loss in maintenance.

I have been very close to someone at work who I've now fallen out with so am thinking if I can, I should relocate when I sell and get a new job elsewhere.

But, I don't really want any of this. I've just sorted my house out and it finally feels like home, and I don't want to feel forced out of my work place either. And I want my friend back too. But it's all out of my control

I feel so desperate.

I really have no one to help me through any of my bad patches, and have got to the stage where I just don't want to wake up in the morning. If only I could have some illness that meant I didn't have to keep struggling on in my life, getting no where, unwanted, and so lacking any sense of self-worth or future. Lots of lovely people with bright futures die of cancer, when it would make more sense for it to be me - seems so wrong.

My life seems so pointless and worthless, and whilst I wouldn't do anything, it's not a life I want to lead. How can I be only middle-aged yet so socially isolated I may as well be ancient. No money to go out, and no one to go out with... no one to hold my hand when I'm scared, or cook for me if I'm ill... what sort of a life is that...

It's not depression - honest, just me being unable to cope with things... I've had to learn to be a strong and capable, independant woman, but my strength has gone.

Oh dear .

Could you get a lodger? There are other women in your position and worse, who would perhaps welcome a friendly houseshare with someone who won;t have loud parties all night, and who might be inclined to cook for them when they're poorly.

Without - I am so sorry you feel like this, I think a lot of us lone parents have felt like this at some point as a lot of us feel we have been forced into a life we dont want or didnt expect.

I am sure lots of people will be along with advice about practical things you could consider doing. I was going to suggest the same as Colditz. A lone parent friend of mine took in a lodger when her kids left the nest and she found a lady who was a widow and could not afford to keep her house as her husband has left her with lots of debts. The lady was a bit older than my friend but they get on really well and go out sometimes together, take turns cooking, share chores and are company for each other when needed.

Life seems very unfair sometimes, I have been so low at times I have wished I would just go to sleep one night and never wake up but then I think about my kids and how they have been abandoned by their (now weekend) dad and that I have to go on for their sake. Its not easy, in fact at times I feel like I just dont have the energy to go on anymore but we do it and that dark cloud which is over our heads seems to move away for a while and life gets a bit better.

Sorry I cant be of much help but just wanted to reply and let you know you are not alone in how you are feeling and we are hear to listen to you and try to help.

Hi without

It's so hard seeing any point to life when you are in this situation. I know only too well and so know exactly where you are coming from. And yes, all too easy for people to say 'you sound depressed', well no, but fed up with the had I've been dealt and worn out with trying to deal with it.

What's the situation with the work colleague? Was is a friendship, romance?
Is your office big enough that you can avoid them or ask to be relocated? Are things civil between you or beyond that?
Things may seem dire now but in time the situation may resolve. And who knows they may choose to leave instead. DOn't do anything rash just yet.

Are you certain your youngest will definitely choose to move in with his dad? Have you spoken to him about it? Don't worry him un-necessarily, or make it seem like you are forcing his hand, but do make it clear to him you will have to consider letting out his room to make ends meet now the oldest is off to uni if he chooses to go to his dad.

Will your oldest be at home much? I would broach the subject of a lodger with him too. He may not be ready to give up his room just yet though.

What is your work situation? Are you full or part time? Do you have the opportuity to do more hours or perhaps get a second job to help make ends meet - perhaps at the weekend or in the evenings (at a pub or something, or doing ironing or cleaning at weekends maybe)? It might help you with moving on from the situation with your work colleague too if find something outside of the office.

Are you sure you're claiming everything you can benefit wise? Are you still going to be getting maintenance for the oldest while in higher education? Also the loss of maintenance if the younger moves may mean you can claim some council tax benefit or housing benefit.

I think you do need to find out what your youngest intends to do and also how the oldest feels about possibly losing his room. That's assuming they don't share of course...?

I know it doesn't seem much but am sending you big hugs. They are heartfelt as I do understand how you feel :(

hi without

whats happened at work? isnt good to fall out with a friend - but serious enough to want to leave and relocate? can't the two of you settle things and make up?

my eldest two are now away working or at uni so also have similar thoughts - tho it doesnt mean they dont keep coming back. i know its quite a wrench having one of them go away but really isnt as final as it may feel - believe me, they just keep coming back complete with washing!

and as far as ds moving into his dads goes you need to talk that one thru too. you may well feel the last ten years are wasted if he just ups and goes but its not. youve done your bit and raised them - as long as youre both getting along well (for a teenager) then make sure he knows he still has a home with you, dont put pressure on, he'll only go the other way.

sorry to hear theres so much going on, wish you well - oh, and good luck to your eldest at uni :)

How are you doing today without?
Am worrying about you so please let us know you're ok.

Hi, and thanks for your concern.

I'm up and down, but better than I was. I don't feel desperate any more, just overwhelmed by life.

I keep hoping things will get easier and better for me, but everytime I get to that stage, something else happens - kick a girl when she's down type thing.