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XP drunk during his weekend with DS (4)

15 replies

Chocol8isLikeaBeautifulEngine · 18/08/2010 11:02

Got a called last Sunday from XP saying they were in A&E as they?d had a little accident.. When I arrived there, it was obvious that XP was drunk but as DS was fine apart from a scratch on the head, I didn?t say anything, thinking A&E paediatrics wasn?t the best place? emailed him the next day telling him that the registrar was concerned about his ability to look after DS and would refer him to a health visitor.

And for the last 10 days I?ve not heard from him. DS currently think that XP is recovering from a broken arm and not asking any questions. I don?t really know what to think about this silence:
-he?s on a massive bender
-he?s ashamed and hiding

I was concerned that he might have injured himself living on his own but he has been seen in the street. I don?t want to contact him as I am still expecting an explanation for his behaviour (getting drunk in pub with DS).

I don?t know what to think or what to do! Anyone been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
loopyloops · 18/08/2010 11:04

I would be very wary about leaving your son with him unsupervised, it sounds like he's in a bad place at the moment. Does he have any support from family or anyone?

Chocol8isLikeaBeautifulEngine · 20/08/2010 12:57

If I don't hear from him by next week, I'll cancel his allowance; I've been supporting him for DS's sake but I fear the castle of cards has just crumbled.

Looks like I'm full time mummy for the foreseeable future with lots of cuddles and a much better behaved DS Smile.

OP posts:
Ready4anothercoffee · 20/08/2010 13:07

Why are you supporting him still? by continuing to support him to are enabling his drinking. long term it will be better for ds if all cotact is through a contact centre and your dh has to stand on his own two feet. only then will you have a chance of him taking responsibility for his actions.

Your ds will prob appreciate the extra cuddles and increased feeling of security when he he does see his dad:)

atswimtwolengths · 20/08/2010 13:08

You're supporting him even though you have care of the child? You're mad! I'd stop that straightaway - the less money he has for booze the better.

Chocol8isLikeaBeautifulEngine · 20/08/2010 13:35

For the same reasons I paid his overdraft, to keep him afloat and help out with the bills so that he could look after DS. Looks like all I've done is enabling him to buy booze. I could kick myself.

OP posts:
sarah293 · 20/08/2010 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

atswimtwolengths · 20/08/2010 14:05

What Riven said!

Ready4anothercoffee · 20/08/2010 15:34

You were trying to do the best for your ds. now the best for your ds is supervised contact and no financial support. I'm sure the money could be put to better use in your own household.

Aminata100 · 28/08/2010 00:34

Yea, really! Put that money into a savings account for DS!

Janos · 28/08/2010 09:42

Agree with others who say don't support him and supervised contact only. Drinkers are the most selfish people alive - and you are not responsible for him.

Why not put the money to one side for DS, if you want to feel you are doing something 'useful' with it?

SolidGoldBrass · 30/08/2010 11:19

Withdrawing financial support from an active alcoholic is often kinder than continuing to fund the drinking, as it may force the person to consider giving up or going to rehab. Yu are not responsible for his alcoholism and you can't fix it - only he cna do that. For the moment, concentrate on DS and insist on supervised contact only.

cestlavielife · 31/08/2010 14:14

if you were not married you have no legal duty at all to provide him with any money.

your duty is to your ds only.

insist on supervised contact only at a neutral public place or contact centre.

notsohotchic · 05/09/2010 18:00

I have had a similar experience to this and was equally shocked. My ex had my 3 children every weekend, 3 nights a fortnight and Weds tea times. The first I knew about the alcoholism was a call from the neighbour (daughter was having sleepover with my daughter) saying ex had collapsed and been taken to hospital. After I spoke to the children later I realised that the eldest had been covering for her Dad, who had even been drunk on holiday abroad with them when he was in sole charge. Unable to get them from disco to apartment - he didn't know where he was.
There was a break in contact for a month as I was so angry with him and he was obviously ashamed.
He went through the court for contact rather than attempting to convince me. For his efforts he was awarded 2 hours a fortnight at contact centre. Still drinking, this fell through when he ended up in hospital again. So we lost our place at contact centre and now I am supervising him, which is awful for me, but the dds & ds get to see him and the pets they had there.
I don't think I will ever trust him again.
I should have pushed for full maintenance from the start, he moaned about debts etc. so I didn't. I wish I had as I too have financed his addiction in this way.

secretskillrelationships · 06/09/2010 17:09

My dad was an alcoholic and we used to see him on Sundays. Recently my mum has told me she used to get calls from a neighbour to come and collect us as he was unfit to drive. She had to phone and say 'I'm going to be in the area so I'll take DCs home' and then come and get us.

I remember him staggering through the streets after lunch (where he drunk) etc and being very scared and I was 10 or 11 then. He once fell down the stairs drunk and knocked himself out (I would have been under 10). I remember driving very very slowly on numerous occasions, which I now think was his attempt to deal with driving drunk. He used to be unpredictable when drunk and say hurtful and spiteful things. I was quite old before I realised that you don't order 2 glasses of wine at a time in a restaurant!

I never mentioned any of this to my mum probably because it was all I knew. Also, I think I was really confused by it all. She must have known what he was like and yet she still sent us so it must be okay. We learnt very young not to discuss all sorts of issues. My family was big on secrets (big around alcoholism) and neither my brother nor sister said anything either, as far as I know.

This all seemed reasonably reasonable until I had DCs myself. Now I simply don't understand why my mum allowed this to happen. While it was obviously important for us to have contact with our dad, he was unreliable and unsafe.

notsohotchic · 10/09/2010 10:54

Hows it going chocol8? I hope your situation has improved?

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