I know I'm being a twat but it doesn't seem to help not being a twat

[whiteandnerdy]

Arrgh, so I've booked the time off work and had the DCs for the last 3 weeks, we've been back from Egypt for the last week, enjoying the delights of the British summer as it were.

OK so on the 4th of August I get a text from the Ex saying "can't wait to hear all about your trip and we're very excited about seeing you on the 15th!" So I take it she's going to have the kids on the 15th. I don't recall ever starting or ending access to/from the kids on a Sunday. I've not had a single phone call or text to say when she's picking up the kids.

All it takes is me to send a text to say "What time are you thinking of having the kids." Yet I'm a twat and I find myself wanting to find out just how excited about seeing the DC's she is. I'm trying to tell myself that she'll use such a text as comfirmation that I've had enough of the kids and wants to get rid of them. But deep down I think it's as though even after 9 or 10 years I still need vindication that my Ex is a bigger twat than me and I made the right decision in leaving her.

Please someone give me a good slap for being a twat .... whispers oh yeah and could you send that text for me because I'm really having difficulty URRRRRGHHHH

Haha, I had to google it ... and lo and behold

www.amazon.co.uk/Dad-Manual-Brilliant-Father-Haynes/dp/1844254437

and

www.amazon.co.uk/Baby-Manual-Conception-Two-Years/dp/1844257592/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_b

Made me chuckle anyway!!

I'm not going to pat your back and say she is a nightmare because I'm sure there are bad stories on both sides. Not because either of you are bad but because you are human and under stress every single failure seems to be blown out of proportion.

So, as many have already said, pick up the phone and communicate with your ex. It causes more damage and heartache not to do it. Honest.

Haa! I'll have a look.

Orangerie, of course your right, but that doesn't mean it's easy, emotions get in the way and said communication as well as being useful for working together for the good of the DCs can also be used to manipulate coerce or just make people feel down right shit.

Nice sunny day here , maybe should just go for a walk.

Now where's that Segway!!

With your fanny pack?

Of course emotion gets on the way but if it helps, at least you get to know what is fact and fiction and problems are easier to solve.

Actually, I don't know why I am telling you this... I wish my ex could move from his self imposed fears and talked to me. Perhaps he would realise that I have my own life, my own relationship, my own problems and that I am here minding my own business, carrying on with my life, and that I am not trying to upset him, ruin his new relationship or want him back.

Actually, if it were not because we had a child together I would be happy to forget once we were together and perhaps not seeing him again. But we have a child, and this stupid business of not talking to each other has make things very difficult for DS.

white and nerdy I like nerdy guys. And so do planty of other ladies I'm sure. Unfortunately you are far too far away from me distance wise to get to know you irl. Lucky you! ;)

If you are short on people to chat with, or are left twiddling your fingers, while your dc are away I'm free and would love some adult conversation. Actually it would be nice to chat with anyone once in a while tbh!

Ahh, I'm in the East Midlands (scuttles off whistling)

Seriously though, you invest so much time in your children which is fab, use this time to invest in you now though. Catch up with some pals, do a bit of painting. It'll fly by.

Hmm, gilly ... adult conversation ... you say, sounds err, novel. I do see other people at work, but as it's software in the telecomms industry, most conversation revolves around quotes from Red Dwarf, Star Wars, and any James Cameron movie bar Titanic. (tongue firmly in cheek )

What is the preferred method of communication in the age of the inter-web and My-Face?!?

FluffyBunny as I've already alluded to I've got work in the morning so I've spent the remainder of the day as you already suggested, catching up with old friends ... still ended up getting roped into fixing their laptop . Oh and as for painting has anyone come across these Games Workshop figures ... the kitchen table is still a mess from me and the kids painting these ruddy things [eye-rollage-icon].

Mnet is turning more and more into mumsdatedads

Yes, I have noticed a certain blind spot. As soon a man shows any signs of being remotely nice here, there are plenty of "takers"

Just coming late to this and expressing some empathy really - I get tense the moment some random demand request comes in from my ex as well, and I just know that it doesn't matter what I say he will find a way of it being the wrong answer...

It as got a little easier, because of how I feel about it - I kind of decided he was still getting off on the bad behaviour he's employed during the marriage and if I sat at home stewing I was giving him loads of power. I stopped giving him the power so while it remains a PITA it doesn't 'get to me' you know in the pit of your stomach?

Anyway - stop forcing those children t paint your warhammer figures - you'll be needing to find a proper LARP oppotunity for them - bet that would drive your ex bananas!

Fascinating to think that if the OP's ex had posted about this, there would have been a flurry of posts about how unreasonable it was for a dad not to know when the children were dure back with their mother, and how fathers are always trying to manipulate access, and advice about contacting the police if he was late bringing them back.......!

That's right seeker... How come he doesn't even know when to return the children? No wonder there are problems between them.

I know of someone whose ex husband drives her mad texting her literally dozens of times to remind him about handover times. At the end they had to go to court so it had to be spelled out to the father and yet... one week later he was back texting her to confirm the agreement.

After several hundred messages the police agreed it should be classed as harassment and has cautioned him. I agree with the police, especially after she came to visit one day and the ex texted/rang her 11 times in 3 hours even when contact was not going to take place until a week later.

It helped, now the child is handed over in time and both parents can go along with their plans without interruptions. Her phone is still ringing though... the guy is no idiot, quite the opposite, but has found that pestering the ex wife continuously about children issues is the way to get at her.