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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I know I'm being a twat but it doesn't seem to help not being a twat

41 replies

whiteandnerdy · 15/08/2010 10:15

Arrgh, so I've booked the time off work and had the DCs for the last 3 weeks, we've been back from Egypt for the last week, enjoying the delights of the British summer as it were.

OK so on the 4th of August I get a text from the Ex saying "can't wait to hear all about your trip and we're very excited about seeing you on the 15th!" So I take it she's going to have the kids on the 15th. I don't recall ever starting or ending access to/from the kids on a Sunday. I've not had a single phone call or text to say when she's picking up the kids.

All it takes is me to send a text to say "What time are you thinking of having the kids." Yet I'm a twat and I find myself wanting to find out just how excited about seeing the DC's she is. I'm trying to tell myself that she'll use such a text as comfirmation that I've had enough of the kids and wants to get rid of them. But deep down I think it's as though even after 9 or 10 years I still need vindication that my Ex is a bigger twat than me and I made the right decision in leaving her.

Please someone give me a good slap for being a twat .... whispers oh yeah and could you send that text for me because I'm really having difficulty URRRRRGHHHH

OP posts:

seeker · 15/08/2010 10:17

When did you agree they would go back to her?

Hassled · 15/08/2010 10:21

I don't understand at all. Could the 15th bit be a typo on her part? What day were you thinking she'd say? Just ring/text her and say you're a bit confused, you got this text a while back and you don't know whether to expect her or not today.

And if she reads into that that you want shot of the kids and is pleased about it, then she's the twat.

10 years is possibly too long to still be playing mind games. Even if you made the wrong decision in leaving her, it's a bit bloody late now.

compo · 15/08/2010 10:23

Are you peter Andre - they seem to do all their arrangements by text.... Why not pick up the phone?

Original poster

whiteandnerdy · 15/08/2010 10:36

Hmm, had a look though all the emails back to a proposal letter last September which does state that I should drop the kids off to at her house, so I guess she's not gonna be collecting them. However it simply states that from the Friday that school breaks up I should have them for 3 weeks including weekends. Then she has them for the next 3 weeks including weekends. So I don't know where the 15th came from, maybe she means monday morning at 9am, I dunno!?!

This still doesn't stop me wanting to think of her as a parent, who after 3 weeks away from her kids doesn't know what time she's going to see the kids. Or maybe she knows exactly what time and I just don't recall being told?!?! I'm still a twat because all I need to do is send a text to sort all this out but I just ferkin can't do it at the moment!!! ARRRGHH!

OP posts:

Original poster

whiteandnerdy · 15/08/2010 10:39

compo ... arrrght because I'm a twat!!!!!!

... Bangs head on table ...

OP posts:

Hassled · 15/08/2010 10:43

Just dial her number and talk to her :o. It may be the start of a beautiful friendship.

ChasingSquirrels · 15/08/2010 10:47

oh ffs stop being suck a fuckwit and speak to her.

ChasingSquirrels · 15/08/2010 10:47

such

ChasingSquirrels · 15/08/2010 10:47

then, enjoy the next few hours with the kids.

Original poster

whiteandnerdy · 15/08/2010 11:00

Hey we have a text,

"I'm expecting the kids back at 12 so can you let me know if you're going to be any later than that?"

OP posts:

Original poster

whiteandnerdy · 15/08/2010 11:09

There's still something inside me that want to reply with "9am Monday morning good for you?"

But alas I shall start packing the kids things and head off to hers. At least I got an hours notice!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

whiteandnerdy · 15/08/2010 11:19

Oh well, I've replied with "An hours notice isn't much time we will probably be later."

OP posts:

gillybean2 · 15/08/2010 11:48

do your weekends during term time usually include the sunday night or do they get dropped off on sunday?
May be why there's confusion if you get them back on a sunday.

She's probably been wondering just as you have and been waiting for your confirmation.

It is irritating though, can understand why you get fed up. You have to be the bigger person in all this though. Just respond and deal with it. You'll feel better for it.

Original poster

whiteandnerdy · 15/08/2010 13:43

Well, that's it they've gone, empty house for the next three weeks .

Hassled, this is the same woman who after I bought a web cam told the DCs that it was so I could expose myself infront of other women. The same woman who after I missed or had some disagreement over maintenance (a good few years ago now) told the kids that I was a theif and was stealing money off her and how thieves goto prison. This is the same woman who after I cought her on my answer maching asking the DSS to take a look at my MSN account while I was down stairs cooking dinner, after I confronted her about this would later explain to DCs that I was breaking the law recording private phone calls. If I don't bring the DCs back at the time that she want's she tells them that I'm kidnapping them and next time she'll phone the police to arrest me. Recently found out she's been reading solicitors letters out to the DCs and giving her own criteek.

Mehh I'm not sure about this whole beautiful friendship thang!! However I'm sure over the years my behavour has become decidedly bizarre and cranky.

OP posts:

FallingWithStyle · 15/08/2010 14:02

She sounds difficult.
Maintain the high ground, deep breaths, calm exterior...doesn't help how you feel about things but its always a bit empowering to know you behaved with restraint and dignity.
Try and enjoy the three weeks.
Good name bw.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 15/08/2010 14:06

She sounds like a nightmare. Show your children that you are a man and don't go for her bait, they will see what she's doing (probably not yet though). Enjoy your 3 weeks, have a rest, do some jobs around the house.

FallingWithStyle · 15/08/2010 14:13

And you don't sound like a twt btw.
You may well be, of course but in this situation you just sound frustrated, which is understandable.

Mumi · 15/08/2010 14:34

I had to click on this thread title - story of my life! Can only offer agreement that setting the better example to DCs is the only way to go - by the sound of your ex someone's got to do it :)

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 15/08/2010 14:37

You're a very attractive bloke whiteandnerdy, your ex sounds a bit like an evil cow, not all women are like this though. You're not being a twat, it's hard.

Original poster

whiteandnerdy · 15/08/2010 14:42

Sorry Gilly, as to the term times ... no I usually have the kids over night on Sundays and take them to school on Monday mornings, then she picks them up on Monday after school ... then I pick them up on Tuesday after school and return them back to hers at 8pm so she can put them to bed. I do find myself jumping through lots of hoops to be honest.

FallingWithStyle, meeh, I've not met anyone who isn't a twat or some form of ijit at one time or another, something to do with only being human .

OP posts:

Fontella · 15/08/2010 14:56

You are not a twat whiteandnerdy, but your ex most definitely is. Thankfully kids grow up and they do come to realise things as they get older and they will be able to see how she's behaved, things she's done etc.

My ex is also a twat, but I never bad mouthed him and always did my best to make sure the children saw him, drove them there, drove them back (30 miles each way) and usually sat in a car park for an hour or more every frikken time because he was always late, even though we'd text him when we were leaving, text en route, it made no difference. Now they are teenagers they can see exactly what's what about a lot of things.

I also agree with previous poster - you are a very attractive bloke!

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 15/08/2010 14:59

Ds's father moved to Ireland several years ago (because he was bored ), he comes to visit ds once a year, he'll come over fdor 3 days and see ds for a few hours on the last day, poor ds is hardly his priority. He was 1 hour late last time, took ds to the cinema where he fell asleep. His wife went clothes shopping for their daughter, never asked if there was anything ds needed. He rarely phones ds, rarely emails ds, now, he's a twat.

Original poster

whiteandnerdy · 15/08/2010 15:32

Mumi and FluffyBunny, over the years I've had time to think about it, I'm not sure I've ever met anyone who's 'evil'. It just seems people are driven by different needs and wants, have different problems and neurosis, and have different methods to address them.

I feel exceptionally lucky that I get so much joy from being with my children, I'm not sure everyone finds it as gratifying looking after children as myself (cough my Ex cough), and that's going to make parenting all the more difficult for them. And it even if you do find it as gratifying as myself it's still bloody hard and you still end up making mistakes, doing stupid stuff and having regrets!

As to being attractive, thanks for the complements ... alas I'm just too white and nerdy! Tee-Hee-Hee.

OP posts:

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 15/08/2010 15:38

You're doing a great job.

It's hard raising children, the potential to screw up is huge but it's really rewarding. They don't give you an instruction manual when you have them, it would be nice if you could just programme them

There's nothing wrong with being nerdy.

FallingWithStyle · 15/08/2010 15:40

There is when all you want is to roll with the gangstas

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