Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Exp being a twunt and not sure what to say/do

7 replies

knickers0nmyhead · 15/08/2010 01:08

He has been off work this week and had the dcs Sunday/Monday night and Thursday/Friday night.

There was a huge kick up when he was collecting them Thursday. He were meant to be collecting them at 12pm. He texted me at 11.45 saying 'time had drifted by and he wouldn't be collecting them until 2pm ish'

He knew I had a driving lesson at 12.30...which is the reason he was coming at 12.

Anyhoo, he kicked up a fuss and arrived at 12.05...refusing to step foot into my garden.
By this time the dc where a little upset that daddy was in a bad mood (he hadn't had a drink) and he was struggling to fasten them into their car seats. I offered to help him and he turned and said 'fuck off into the fucking house you fat bastard, go on, piss off'

Now, this is not the first time he has said this in front of them.

From him turning up I was very upbeat, cheery, and said nothing wrong that he could use against me.

Since then, he has accused me of sleeping around already...not outright but in that sort of thing.

He texted me at 9.30 this morning saying he was on his way with them...much earlier than the time he said he would drop then off. So I had to take them both, on the bus, to do a shop, and get birthday supplies. Which was fun Hmm

It is dd's birthday today and we were meant to be taken both dc's out to a wacky warehouse type thing but he 'forgot' to send the vouchers off. We had agreed that with her being young, we would still have both our names on a card and her gifts would be from both of us.
He has bought her a separate card and has bought gifts that well exceed mine and that she will adore.

He was meant to be setting up a standing order for me for maintenance but hasn't bothered doing so and I am worried now about his reaction when he finds out I know that I am actually allowed to claim Tax Credits.

Not sure what I am hoping to gain from this thread but just needed to vent.

OP posts:
hairytriangle · 15/08/2010 10:26

Don't rise to it. Harsh but he's being a twat and you are being the stability for your kids.

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/08/2010 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

drinkyourmilk · 15/08/2010 10:35

The birthday thing is harsh. It makes you feel so low when you think someone elses gifts are better than yours. I guess you just need to see what she plays with longterm, and enjoy the fact that she is happy. (plus she'll love toys more when YOU play with her, and you can choose which onesWink [evil cackle])

CheeseandGherkins · 15/08/2010 10:35

Why are you worried about what he thinks? He's your ex. It doesn't matter what he thinks. Ignore him and if he carries on talking to you like that in front of the children see a solicitor. Go through csa for money.

Tanga · 15/08/2010 13:27

Is this a relatively recent break-up? I only say that because when feelings are raw I think there can be words said that are out of the ordinary. Not that it's OK, just that I think suggesting he's a danger to his own children and should have supervised contact is a bit OTT.

Look, he rang and said he'd be late, but I gather when you said it wasn't convenient he did get his butt in gear and arrived just a few minutes late, but in a bad mood. I'd have kissed the kids goodbye and left him to it.

Do you have a set routine for contact? Or was this extra holiday stuff? Mediation is really good for sorting out that kind of issue (eg sorting out times for people to stick to etc) including making the boundaries clear (that you won't accept abuse in front of the kids and if he continues he'll have to arrange a 3rd party handover). It also gives him the opportunity to raise any issues that you might not even be aware are upsetting him.

Financially I echo the CSA idea - I know you hear horror stories but they were great for me. You finances are exactly that - yours. He doesn't need to know you are going to get tax credits, but he does need to be supporting his kids properly and not just buying them presents.

BuzzingNoise · 16/08/2010 21:10

oh knickers I am sorry that you're going through this with him. You sound like you're doing a bloody good job with the children.
At least your dd is too young to fully understand (or care!) who gives her what.

Original poster
knickers0nmyhead · 16/08/2010 22:49

Tanga, it is a tad complicated.

We split up back in April 08..but were still living together, we gave it another go but I moved out with the dc's end of Oct last year.
We were trying the 'dating' thing again but it just wasn't working.

The thing is, he is always late collecting them, always. I always give him the chance to say a time and 9 times out of 10 I agree to it as I try and be right with him.

We had a row over tax credits, he has said I am a money grabber and if I claim tax credits I will be in effect, making him homeless as he relies on them. Which gives me an attack of guilt and I doubt myself.

He was fine with me Sunday..he collected dd and spent a couple of hours with her, then fetched her back, on time.

She has been playing more with what he bought her (she has broke one already) but has been creative with mine, and we made a ladybird house out of the case of the toy I bought her Grin

And thank you Buzzing, I try my best Smile

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page