Insisting on Visits

[gingesuze]

Hi All,

Some advice would be greatly appreciated.

I have 2 beautifuls girls, one nearly 3, the other 7 months. Their dad and I split up when I found out I was pregnant with no.2.

As much as I hate him I would never ever come between my daughters and their dad. The problem is this - he has never taken the baby or seems to have much intention of at the moment. He insists he wants to have the same relationship as with no.1.

My question is - when do I start to put the pressure on him for the sake of the baby - i.e when will she realise her sister goes off but not her?

In response to any questions my ex and I do not get on at all and I can barely speak to him without him getting very angry so I correspond via text to save any scenes in front of daughters. Si sitting down and talking is not an option.

Thanks

Very much depends.
Are you bf or is baby bottle fed.
Is the older one going for overnights, would you expect baby to be with dad for the same length of time?
Why won't he take baby out too, has he said? If he finds your older one hard work and requiring his full attention he may be better having separate time with baby. Or he may be scared he can't handle a baby on his own maybe?
Or he may feel you would say she is too little and you wouldn't agree, so doesn't want to push things with you.

What reasons does he give? Have you actually suggested it or discussed it? If you haven't then maybe you should ask him when he's going to start taking baby out to the park with them in her buggy or whatever it is he does with the older one...

Hmm if communication is a problem have you thought about Family Mediation, I found this useful a good few years ago, however at circa 70-80 pounds per hour per person it's not cheap.

Any other ideas for means of constructive discussion? If your releationship with your ex is so bad I'm not sure "putting pressure" on him is really in anyones best interests.

... just a thought ...