lone parent

[chrissymac]

Im currently 4 months pregnant with my first child. I have been with my partner for 3 years. We were quite happy without any children and did not see them in our future. I fell pregnant which was not planned so i told him and we had a talk and a think about what we both wanted. We said whatever we each decide we will discuss it and come to a joint desicion. He wanted to get rid and i wanted to keep it. He would not talk or discuss any other options and told me to get an abortion. He is now saying if i have it he will take me to court for custody. I have left him to it and are getting on with things but am frustrated that he will not talk to me or even discuss if he wants to play a part in the childs life. I am at a loss of what to do. I love this man but i dont know how he can be so cruel and ignoreing me. He has his own place so i dont bump into him. I just wonder if i should just get on with it and leave him to it. Any advice would be very helpful as i cant seem to keep my hormeones in check and think straight x

sorry for your situation chrissymac.
as far as i see some men change a lot when their partners get pregnant, because of shock i guess. later on some get used to the idea themselves, you cant do much about it.
because of that their behaviour looks very cruel which i dont agree either.
if i were you i would try to concentrate on my child's and my future.
if after that he wants any type of contact it should be regular with good boundries for the benefit of the child and for you of course.
wish you good luck and enjoy being pregnant :)

Hi chrissymac. I think noraa's spot on.As for him taking you to court for custody - he is bullying you and you should ignore it.

I was in a similar situation a few years ago.My ex wanted me to have an abortion and, when he realised I would not, he told me he would only see the baby at weekends. I was so terrified of being a single parent (for the second time!) that I agreed and spent 3 years putting up with him treating me and our child like dirt. I lost all self confidence and ended up feeling completely worthless and ashamed of myself.I gave up on the idea of pretending we were any sort of family when he couldn't be bothered to come to hospital when our daughter was in casualty.(It was 2am, so obviously very inconvenient for him!) Life without him is so much happier and being a single parent (twice over) is not the end of the world I thought it would be!

You say he's you partner but he isn't. He's turned his back on you. You say you love him but where is the love from his side? He may come round to the idea of being a dad, he may not. You have to carry on now as if you are going to be a single parent whilst leaving the door open for him to see his child if he ever decides to stop being so selfish.
I hope everything works out well for you.

Hi, I went through a messy breakup while pregnant too, the court threats sound like a desperate bullying tactic to get you to do what he wanted in the first place, there is no court in the land that would give preference to the father unless the child was at risk, which obviously yours is not!

I would say let him stew in his own juices for a bit.

Here here LitleBlueElly.

A friend of mine was on rocky ground until after her lo was born (now lone parent) and her now ex tried to make her stop breastfeeding so that he could bottle feed and be main carer.

It's all bullying. If he took you to court, they wouldn't give him custody if you can provide roof, food, love etc etc...

Being on your own is hard. It does get better slowly.

Take care.
x

Thank you for all your advice its nice to know that im not alone and its hard but it does get better and i know where to turn if i need advice xx