childs dad being unreasonable??

[louka]

hi there. any advise on this matter would b really appreciated!
my son visits his father 2out of 3 weekends, the past few times hes come back to me he has been very unsettled for 3or so nights. waking up screaming and very very upset. he is only 2 so cannot tell me what the matter is, just that he wants me!
if this happens this weekend i am seriously considering stopping the over night stays, however i do not think this will go down well at all with his father. would i b doing the right thing?? do not want to stop contact with his daddy, just want to bring him back to his normal bed with his normal things and c if it helps.
do i have the right to enforce this???
any ideas/advise is greatfully recieved!! thanks x

Ask the dad how he is with him, what they do and if anything has changed. Tell the dad what has been happening upon DCs return and see if he has any explainations. Explain DCs usual routine and ask if it can be maintained when he is with your Ex. Can he have his "normal things" over at his dads? Unless you think that he is being hurt or damaged when with his father it is worth persevering with the visits. This is something that you all need to deal with together. Good luck and let me know how you get on.

My 2 yr old is totally different when his dad is here (not in a good way) and usually changes back to his lovely sunny self the moment daddy walks out of the door. Sometimes he's unsettled for a few days though.

My solicitor said that all the contact / access or whatever they call it today has to be for the good of the CHILD not the parent. In my humble opinion, 'waking up screaming and vv upset' is not in the best interests of your son.

I think the enforcement bit depends on your agreement and whether it's just a contact order agreed between you, or a court order, which I guess he can enforce.

Good luck with it all. I know it's distressing. I think the best thing is to sit down and discuss it with your ex (if that's possible), tell him how your lo is after staying with him and see what you can hammer out. 2 out of 3 weekends - could you reduce to every other weekend?

x

Are you sure there us a link to his time with his dad?

Some children find it difficult to cope with the transition between the two parents, hence the problems you are experiencing. My dd was exactly the same and it took a long time for her to settle into the routine - I even ended up taking her to CAHMS to try and resolve - this helped both her and me work out the best strategies for us to cope. If you're really concerned go to your doctors, explain and get them to refer you. My ex never experienced any of the problems I witnessed and got quite nasty and accused me of lying - the experts said that because the kids felt most safe (not sure that's the right word but hope you get my gist) at the home they spent the most time in, this is where their feelings would come out.

Are you anxious when you hand over? Kids do pick up on this and that was one of my biggest problems - I hated handing them over and got really worked up about it and very tearful. I learnt to hide this big time for their sake!

Routine and consistency is the key and if you can work through this together amicably with your ex that would be a bonus.

It takes time but time is definitely a healer and it will get better - promise!

Hi guys. Thanks so much for your input!
I am 80% sure its after he comes back from his dads. However I am not accusing him of anything whatsoever so please don't get the wrong end of the stick.
I agree with all of u to b honest and I'm not too sure how to play it. He has gone off absolutely fine this wkend and I will c how he comes back and visit the dr if it happens again!
We have an agreement between ourselves for those specific weekends as my ex works 1 weekend out of 3 so can only have him those 2 and I don't think the pattern helps much.
I'm scared this will go to court if I mention anything as he has often said he will take my son off me. And that scares me to death! However I know if its in his best interest I have to try to sort it for my boy.
Thanks again! X