contact orders

[SMJM]

My sons grandparents have a contact order to see my son. and although i'm ok in general about it, i was woundering would i been in trouble for missing it every blue moon. at the moment they see him every other week, but the way it is going a visit will fall on christmas day. and I really don't want to send my son there for christmas and not see him. I don't want to constantly brake the order. just want to be with my son at christmas. you can get loads of advise for people who are having contact orders broke on them, but none for people who really only ever do it now and then. i feel very trapped by it all. My ex does't even see his parents very much ( once every 3 mths maybe) and he has nothing to do with his son. his chose yet i'm still trapped and he's enjoying a nice free life not worring about things like this.

I don't know much about contact orders, OP, and very much hope that I never have to deal with them, but I would say in this case you absolutely should not have to hand over your son on Xmas Day, and your son's grandparents would be bonkers to think that you would. Could you not swop it for an afternoon on Boxing day, via negotiation, rather than just 'missing one'?

You need to talk to them and agree to swap it. Are you amicable? Presumably not if a contact order has been made...?

How old is your ds?

When a child is school age it is usual for contact orders to run for term time with holidays split half and half. Different for you because this is the grandparents not father.

You could simply say that as Xmas falls at the weekend this year you are happy for them to have him on for two days after xmas, or perhaps add an extra day to each weekend either side. Or you can suggest they add the two days on to a weekend and they perhaps could take him on holiday for a long weekend break at some point instead. See what they say.

Or you could go back to court and ask for a variation to cover special events like Xmas, his and your birthdday, mothers day etc. Otherwise you will find your ds is away for quite a few of these events over the years. Where possible it is best to come to an agreement if you can. You wouldn't want Xmas spoiled by the police knocking on your door to check everything is ok and possibly even asked to enforce the contact order now would you...

Don't stop the contact without warning them (they will be making plans too) and do offer an alternative instead. Then you will look like you are being reasonable should it end up back in court. Ask yourself how you would feel if you were in their situation. You wouldn't want to have expected and made plans for smas only to have it all changed without any warning.

Try and be reasonable with them. If they refuse then you've got time to go back to court and get the agreement varied.

hi gillybean. it's not the fact that a im unreasonable with them. the reason i let it go to court was to stop them from turning up when ever they wanted. it was a bit to much, and i would get no warning with it. it was me who offered the once a fornight but never thought about hol's or special days before the court order was made. I'm happy to give them a differernt day but they are a bit hard to talk too. and want it all there way thats my problem.
also had to have that my sons dad could not just turn up at thier's to see his son in the court order. as things was going on behind my back that put my son in danger with his dad. it's very complicated, in general his dad does't want to know but every few months he would turn up demanding his rights and to see my son then go again, for a few more months.
will go back to sol to see if i can apply to get court order slighty changed.

Wasn't saying you are being unreasonable. Just that if you appear to be reasonable in what you are suggesting and go back to court the judge will see that you have been reasonable and offered alternatives and that will have a big impact on any desicions. But if you simply refused contact with no warning, or no alternative, then that would be viewed as being unreasonable and you might not get the result you want in court if you come across as unreasonable.

Hopefully you won't need to go back to court at all and can come to an agreement via letter through your solicitor. I'm sure that as parents themselves they can understand why your ds should be with you at Christmas. They wouldn't have wanted to miss out on Christmas with their own dc when small I'm sure. Point that out to them if they start being difficult. Hoever would start of simply by saying (in letter) that you note that Xmas falls on a weekend this year so you will make ds available for contact on xyz date instead and can they confirm those dates are acceptable to them.

Sort it out now so you all know where you stand. It'll be fine I'm sure