How to build a relationship between DD (16 months) and a previously off the scene father.

[RedHairedGirlie]

Any ideas on what the best approach would be for DD (16 months) to start building a relationship with her previously abscent father.

He as never had any contact with her and minimal with me and our relationship is not that great (lot of hurt caused by him over the last 2 years!). He now wants to 'build' bridges, and I am prepared to give him that chance. Just not sure what would be the best approach to get things moving. I feel that if I say he can see her once a week, then that just doesn't feel enough for her to get used to him. Would it be best to have a period of very frequent visits so she can actually get used to him being on the scene, and then tail off a bit?

Just to clarify, he is not on the birth certificate so has no PR's, and there is no way he will be left on his own with her or taking her anywhere. Not because he is a danger or a liability, but I just could not even consider that for the foreseable future. We do have a relationship wth his perents and they do see DD about once a month, but again I would not even entertain leaving her with them so he could visit there.

Just not sure how best to approach all this...

My H only first met his daughter at 18 months old. He started off seeing her for an hour at a park, playing with her. It meant they could have the "introduction" and he got to interact with her through playing. This happened weekly and she started to recognise him after a couple of weeks. It then moved on to Mum dropping her off at the park for an hour to play with Dad while she went for a walk. Then when she was more familiar with him she came home with us.

It progressed very quickly for us, within a matter of weeks, but I think that was mainly down to DSD not being a very clingy child and her Mum being OK with it. It will obviously depend on the child, how well they cope with it.

Or perhaps you could try a soft play centre rather than a park? We found it better to start contact at a park where the little one was distracted and had something to do with Dad, rather than say at home where they possibly wouldn't have mixed much with Dad and it was all familiar ... if that makes sense.

Thanks ChocHobNob, I think the soft play might be an idea to start with - where I can stick around and let DDs father interact with her. She is very clingy to me, but I think that is just due to it being simply the 2 of us pretty much all the time as I don't have my own family close by and have never really left her with anyone / anywhere other than nursery.

I think perhaps as she is quite clingy, it might need more frequent visits / meetings initially to get that bond in place.

soft play centre a fab idea.

My Dcs (5 & 2) don't see their dad very often maybe every 3mths or so.

My oldest is not so bad as he can now email/speak to him on phone etc.

My youngest was just over a yr when we split up and what helped was having someone else I trusted (my mum) who took her out with her dad.

If I was there she was too clingy to me

Yes, DSD's Nan did some of the contact sessions too. It seemed to work well.

Sorry just realised you said you have no family close by, so that last post was irrelevant. If you're willing to facilitate more frequent visits then that sounds better if she is a bit clingy. A week between short visits can be a long time.