Need some reassurance

[fionathefrog]

hi

I left my boyfriend when I was six months pregnant, baby is 4 months now. Basically I left him because I was happy to put him first when it was only me but I definitely am putting my son first and he wasn't prepared to.

But ... I don't hate him, he's not a bad person and with support was getting his life together ...

he has zero self esteem and got a big kick up the bum when i left.

I decided before baby was born not to see him till my hormones settled and I could work out what I wanted but am now realising being a mum takes everything out of perspective.

what i want to know is this? can love conquer all or am I kidding myself?

Also my mum hates him and she gives me a lot of support right now.

Also he was so good to me for so long.

Also I want him to know his son.

Can anyone see where I'm coming from?

The picture you're painting of your boyfriend is of someone who is very needy. 'Getting his life together' suggests a problem with drink, drugs, unemployment, money.... ?

Being a mum doesn't take things out of perspective but it can do a few things. First and foremost, is that you have to grow up very fast overnight, you assume a big responsibility and you are very protective of your child. (Your own mum's reaction is testament to that) Also you realise it is very hard, lonely work being a single parent and the prospect of a partner - any partner - to share that work can cloud your judgement.

Love can't conquer all. More importantly, love doesn't change people... no matter how much we'd like it to. Parents' behaviour is very influential on children - another important consideration. It is possible for your son to have a good relationship with his father and it is possible for you and your ex boyfriend to be on friendly terms without being in a relationship.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

thanks

you're right love doesn't change people, if people change it's for there own reasons.

and i dont think i'd admit in real life that i hate being on my own. midnight till 6 takes a loooooong time to pass.

bloddy hell its all so complicated .