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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Am I doing the right thing?

7 replies

Thinking11 · 02/08/2010 20:41

I am 31, single and have been really wanting a baby for the past few years. A friend has introduced me to a friend that is very interested in being a donor. I have a good job, very supportive family and great friends. I am going around in circles and I feel like my head is going to explode with all the thinking I am doing. I am an emotional mess and would love the advice or thoughts of others.

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thisisyesterday · 02/08/2010 20:58

well, i don't think that getting a donor and being a single mum is a terrible thing to do

then again, i think you're only 31! you have time to meet someone and have a complete family if that's what you want?

Original poster

Thinking11 · 02/08/2010 21:04

Thanks for your post. I worry about when I stop thinking there's time and make the leap, i've always said 35 would be my cut off time but now this offer has come along and it just seems like fate.

I know there are other ways but having a known donor seems far better to me at the moment than a stranger from the bank or a one night stand. I am not against these options but known donor seems better for me at this time.

There is just so much to think about and there is always the chance that he could back out!

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thisisyesterday · 02/08/2010 21:08

obviously you'd need to think of the practical side too. work and childcare and stuff like that...

Original poster

Thinking11 · 02/08/2010 21:13

Money wise things will change for me but I am confident that i can manage comfortably. I will be able to work part time for 4 years and when the child starts school they will be at the school where i teach and i will be able to up my time or maybe go full time.

I know of good nurserys and I have a very strong support network.

I just think that nothing can be as difficult as the last few years have been, im struggling to be around people with children and i often find myself alone crying.

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cestlavielife · 03/08/2010 10:21

can you get yourself some counsellign sessions first? you dont want to be emptional mess or think a baby will fix your life...depends what other stuff is going on really....

you need to be going into it strong - calm - collected.

struggling to be around people with children isnt healthy....(understandable if say you've had miscarriage recently of course) you will need to be emotionally strong to have a baby on your own.

find a counsellor you like to talk thru the issues - and why you struggling emotionally.

babies cant fix things...they are wonderful but can also up the stress and anxiety as you worry about them !

Ibizadreams · 03/08/2010 18:37

I would say you have to have a really big think about the emotional impact of going into motherhood alone.

I've decided to go ahead with a "surprise" pg at 36 after a ONS with a friend of ten years.

At first I was sure I would be 100% capable, worked out all the practicalities etc, but I didn't bargain for being a total hormonal mess, and the constant worry about whether I am doing the right thing by the child.

I have supportive friends but I still find it really hard some days - and the baby's not even here yet! But then, you may be stronger than me, and this is just my experience.

What involvement will this donor want, if any?

Original poster

Thinking11 · 03/08/2010 20:15

Thanks for your support.

The problems I am having spending time with friends with children is due to the fact that after wanting children for over 3 years all three of my best friends fell pregnant within 4 months of each other. I am really happy for them all but after spending most of my social time with them over the past 16 months I am struggling to keep a smile on my facing, seeing and being on the outside, so close to what i want most.

I have never had childen but i am not nieve to the massive impact a child will have on my life, my sister had twins and when they were little i was very hands on. I do however realise that no one can ever be fully preparred for the massive impact a baby will have.

The donor and I are having conversations and discussing how much contact he would want. He is telling me that he would want very little contact with a few photo's. I however understand that it is likey he will form a much stronger bond than he can imagine and will want more contact than he thinks. Little contact would be fine by me but he must be aware that he will likely wnat more so we need to discuss it.

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