finding it difficult to cope with nearly 3 yo alone, any advice?

[single1ds]

Hi
I am finding it difficult to cope with ds behaviour(nearly 3,in Nov) on my own. I dont get any help from family, in fact they seem to make me feel worse and it feels like they think i deserve it (maybe just me picking up vibes? or maybe it is just me). feel alone and isolated again today. how do i cope with ds who is saying "no" all the time, sitting on the pavement refusing to move, general difficult behaviour, it stresses me out,i try to be calm but it is wearing and i blame myself. i know i shouldnt as it is probably normal to some extent, just finding it difficult as it is constant and i have no-one to step in. any advice?

Do you have a local sure start centre? If so then go and see them for some help, advice and a bit of a break if nothing else.

If not then I guess you can try your health visitor perhaps. Mine was useless but I think she was an exception.

do you think you are depressed?

This age can be difficult for two parents to cope with and I can only imagine it's much harder when it's all down to you. Your ds sounds like he's asserting his independence (i remember my ds1 going through this stage and it drove me mad). They definitely get easier when they're past this stage. Don't blame yourself. When he's misbehaving and you're feeling down try to remember that this is a bad moment/day and things will get easier.

I'm now a lone parent myself but am lucky that xh has my 2ds's twice a month - i sometimes feel i have more time to myself now than when we were together! And my mum will have them if i want to have a night out with friends. Perhaps your family find his behaviour difficult to deal with at the moment and when he's a bit older you might have more offers of help? imo they are definitely much more fun to be with from 4 onwards.

I've no real advice but i hope you get some help soon x

Hi. You have my sympathies. You sound as though you're just tired and fed up of trying to be all things to all people and failing at all of it. You're probably doing better than you think in all honesty though.

As you're a lone parent with little help, you probably find yourself in the situation where there are always 101 things to do. You are likely to be extremely busy just rushing around trying to get everything done. It's probably this that it causing your DS to be difficult. I am a lone parent to 2 and I'm actually really lucky as I'm sure my DTs are easier than a lone child as they play together beautifully. However, I can't help but fail to notice that when they play up it's always when I am up to my eyes trying to do something. I imagine your DS is attention seeking in the way only a 3-year-old can do (i.e. driving you mad with hitherto unknown levels of irritation).

The way I got round this was that I simply accepted that unless it was an emergency, I simply couldn't get anything done while DTs were awake. Housework/phone calls, etc had to wait until they were napping or in bed for the evening. Although it left me less time overall, the time I did have was uninterrupted so I achieved more IYSWIM. As I wasn't even trying to do tasks while they were awake (other than things that could involve them and be fun, such as walking the dog) I felt far less stressed out. This made them calmer straight away. As I also spent my time focused on them, their behaviour improved even more, so they went to bed tired and happy and I felt calm and motivated to do other things when they were finally asleep.

It's a simple change but hard to put into practice. In a nutshell, spend your days focusing on your DS, establish a unshakeable bedtime routine and make sure your evenings are uninterrupted. You'll spend 5 of them doing chores but the other two will be yours to spend as you like, whether that's a bottle of wine, an early night, a night out or a chat with a friend on the phone.

Good luck and hope you feel better soon.