Flirting, chatting, dating help needed please

[mylifeagain]

I wasn't sure whether to post here or relationships and as I've recently become a lone parent have gone for this one.
I've been out of the dating game for about 20 years and tbh not sure if I'm ready for dating yet but would like to try and boost my self esteem a little (I know it sounds a bit selfish). I really don't have a clue though so I'm looking for help - it's that bad that an old friend recently told me he'd been flirting with me one night a while ago and I didn't have a clue I thought he was just chatting.
I've also had a few friends who have got dates by speaking to people in shops - how? I feel a bit silly asking them in RL so I'd love to get some of your ideas, some of your stories, some of your tips as I feel a bit lost really

Thanks AM92
No it's a no go with the old friend I'm afraid.
I see what you mean about being a teenager again though.
Yes, I'm trying to sort out different activities and I know I don't need (I don't even think I want) another man but just like to know that I'm fanciable IYKWIM sounds silly I know

It doesn't sound silly.

What you need to find is yourself. Sit down in front of the mirror and put on some music. Whatever you fancy. You need to take a good look and try and dig out who you really are and what makes you tick.

The only times I have been asked out in a shop or on the street etc was when it was to do with something I am passionate about. If you have a passion you need to explore it and make a bit of time for it, and then people will flock to you, because you will feel alive and sexy.

You will also have something in common! It's the best way to meet someone.

What I mean is if you are YOU, however unique that person is, you let it shine out like a beacon and others who appreciate you, or the same things, will come to you.

Don't be ashamed or try to be someone you're not.

Thanks flightattendant. I see what you're saying about being myself and I think that is the daunting thing - after so many years being someones wife or someones mother without any interests of my own it's hard to know where to start. I can't even remember having any great interests before getting married
I think I'll ake your advice though of sitting in front of a mirror and see where it takes me.

That's the spirit

Have a bit of a mid life crisis

get yourself a hat

cut your hair

I don't know - maybe shock people a little! Life's so short and if you look in a magazine and think 'I want to look like that' or 'I am like that inside' then go with it.

Good luck!

Top tips for dating IME

• Men like to think they are the most interesting thing on the planet. It's corny but smile at their jokes & ask them questions about themselves and they are putty in your hands
• Make eye-contact. Not as if you're examining the poor chap for glaucoma. Not a fixed stare either - that's just weird. But occasionally hold his gaze for a few seconds longer than normal. If he does something similar, you're compatible
• Approach dating as if you're making a friend and not scouting for a groom. Groom scouting is too high pressure and very offputting! Friendliness can turn into friendship or luuuuuurrrrve... depending on how you feel. Some of my best friends are 'failed dates'
• Flirting is tricky to spot if you're not looking for it. Common flirt techniques include asking about partners (as in checking if you've got one), arm-touching to make a point, compliments delivered with waggly eye-brows (that's a lovely top you're wearing (waggle, waggle))..... making you think you're the most interesting thing on the planet and eye-contact (see above)

Practice makes perfect Good luck

Not replied to anyone for a while - sorry just trying to get my head around this!

OK - got my hair cut, new make up, new clothes, starting to feel better about me (most of the time) BUT now I've got another crisis (well 2 actually) I need your thoughts and advice on please?

First one, I developed a bit of a crush on someone involved in one of my kids clubs. Have only spoken to him a little but to this day I thought (given the advice above but may have just analysed to much and read more into it than what was there)that he did flirt back with me when we spoke. Long and short of it is I facebook friend requested him thinking we could chat further he rejected and now I've found out he has a young child - I obviously can't read signs can I? How do you know when anyone's attached etc? I really feel stupid now!

Next one (!) someone at work a while ago said something to me via msn and i replied back with a remark that i thought was funny - only he's taken this as though i find him attractive and have thought this for a while!! Anyway he's married and I don't know if i'd feel anything even if he wasn't but got to admit i do like the attention a bit! Once again my radar seems to be completely off kilter!

Don't know what I'm expecting in replies, just good to talk to someone if that makes sense? Thanks for listening

Unfortunately rejection comes as part of the territory. If you think you feel stupid for him rejecting you, think about how us poor blokes feel. We're usually the ones who have to do the asking.

My advice is to just treat everyone as friends, go out have a damn good time with your new look and you'll know when men want to go to the next level.

The last thing you want is to be constantly on the prowl. People can subconsciously spot that and you'll end up attracting the wrong sorts. Players etc.

Don't get into the habit of enjoying the attentions of married men! If a married man is flirting with you then be put off by it- he's clearly a nob.

Why don't you join a dating website for a bit of harmless flirting and fun- maybe even a date? But like Niceguy says aim for friendships and fun rather than anything serious as you really don't want to come across as desperate.

I firmly believe one needs to find happiness while single before jumping into a relationship.

Oh my goodness - thanks for your replies and I can see why you have thought I appear desperate!!

Just to clear a few things up - my original post was because I'd got this crush thing going on with this guy and felt so long out of the game I couldn't work out if I was reading signals right or wrong or how to give out the right signals...still appears I don't know!! This guy is the only one since my split that I actually thought I could even hold hands with! I'm really not interested in anyone else.

I really don't want to go into dating websites - certainly not at the moment - I'm simply not that bothered.

The thing about the married guy, I agree Supercherry - a nob, just with it being a colleague I'm not sure how to deal with it (but was just saying that I felt a bit flattered that someone was paying me some attention)