I'm feeling really sad for my 2 DD's.

[Tortoise]

Bit of history.
Their Dad was abusive - He hit my DS1 and left bruises on him. Got him removed by court and nearly lost both my DS's through SS.

DD's have recently started seeing their Dad at a contact centre one a month for 2 hours.

XP has 5 other children. One of which is at school with my DD's. I am friends with 2 of his DS's and their Mum.

This week XP is having his youngest 2 DS's at his for the week and took them to the cinema today.

I feel so sad that DD's can't have this sort of relationship with their Dad and guilty too that they see him so little. I know it isn't my fault he was/is a horrible man! But they miss out on so much and will hear about it from their half Brothers.

I can't see a time when i will feel it safe for them to have unsupervised contact with him.

wow, how old are the children? is there any way that the mother of the boys would be able to explain to her ds's not to mention it really to your dd's? or are they too young?

does their mother not worry about them in his care?

My 2 are 6 and 7.
The DS's are 12 and 7 (yes i know ! 1 month between my DD1 and his DS5!) Not sure it's fair on them to not talk about it as they are at school together i think it would be hard.

maybe you need to get a play therapist or family therapist invovled to talk with you and with them how to handle this so they feel ok about it.

there's been serious abuse.... he may abuse the other children? or was it because they conected to you?

i think you need to ask GP to refer to family therapist to talk thru all this and get advice how to handle it with your DC - and maybe have them tseea family therapist for play therapy to talk about how they feel...

it sint going to go away is it as youa ll live so close dcs at school wiht them etc.

Thanks for the reply cestlavie.
Personally wouldn't trust him with any children, either his or anyone else's! There were 2 other children from another previous relationship who he treated badly and they ended up living with their Dad. Wish i had known about it before getting involved with him. But as seems to be common with abusive men, they talk the talk and say exactly what you want to hear.

See, i don't know if it bothers them much or if it does they don't talk about it. Just upsets me that they can't have a proper father daughter relationship.

Wow it sounds like a pretty complex situation! If it's any consolation to you, you sound like you're doing an awesome job and your children are lucky to have you .

I agree with what others have said, this could be something a professional could help you with. It's a real shame it's not solvable quick and easy, but with your ex being the way he is, simply trusting him more so that your girls don't miss out is clearly not a viable option. Maybe in the short term you and they could have something special planned for the days their brothers do something with their dad? I know it wouldn't be a long term solution as it's not helping with the paternal contact, but it might deflect some of the sting if they were to hear about something at school. If the brothers were to talk about the cinema trip at school, your girls might not be as upset if they had a special mummy-daughter day to talk about in return. Regardless, I definitely think it's worth speaking to your girls' GP though.

Even if it's not a current issue with your two, it's worth laying the ground work for them to fully understand. If in a year or so, they were to start wondering why their brothers get contact and treats that they don't, if they've had some kind of therapeutic situation going on, they might well be in a better place to comprehend things, even at their young age.

Good luck!

it is sad but it isnt your fault adn it isnt their fault - and that is what you and they ened to understand/know/hold....

he is how he is...wihtout him, they wouldnt exist at all - so he ahs played arole...what future role he plays -well you have to put their safety first...

maybe he just deals better with boys?