I feel awful because at times I just can't look at my boys at times without seeing their dad and my reaction scares me, and I worry that I'm not going to be able to look at them when they're older.
DS1 is starting now to resemble my side of the family, but when he was younger he was the spit of his father adn in particular when he was angry. There were many times when I'd have to walk out of the room for fear of lashing out at him.
DS2 now is starting to look a lot more like his dad and it makes my blood boil when he does. Again it's mostly when he's angry or playing up that it's most noticable, but it seems that every day he's physically turning into his dad more and more.
Today scared the hell out of me. The boys were winding each other up and while I was telling them off ds2 was stood there with a smirk on his face and he looked just like his dad. I just flew at him . I wanted to slap him and claw his face off. I stopped myself fortunately, but what if I hadn't?
I couldn't see my little boy, just an abusive man. He has the exact same expressions as my ex too which doesn't help.
I'm just so worried that as they grow up they're going to look just like him and I'm not going to be able to look at them and see past his features.
How do you see past that and see your wonderful children for the people that they are without seeing your ex staring back at you?