He doesn't want to apply for contact.

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Me and husband have agreed to divorse in novemeber. He doesn't want contact. How will this work in court? Will it make things quicker? can anyone give me any clues? I have no idea about time lengths or anything..

Thanks for any info at all about divorse that you can give me.

what do you mean he doesnt want contact? I am assuming you mean with the children.

Children matters have nothing to do with the divorce. The divorce will go through irrespective of anything he may say or do (even if he contests the divorce which is costly - the judge is just likely to se the contest as proof that you two cannot live together).

After the divorce you will sort out the finances, though the negatiations will go on before that, normally whilst the divorce is plodding along.

anything to do with children will be sorted out whenever you want it to, but without need for court order if you can come to amicable arrangements.

Ok I should be more clear. He doesn't want contact with son. We have no money together so nothing to split (young and don't really have any belongings). Basically all I need is the divorse on paper. We have been seperated for a year (the required seperation in Scotland with no contests) So do you have any idea what length of time we are talking?

Thanks so much for your help bees

6 weeks maximum to get divorce. You can do it yourself i should think, though i really, REALLY would recommend getting a "clean break consent order" drafted after the divorce because if you suddenly inherit or win the lottery, he might still be able to claim some off you years down the line.

so sad he doesnt want contact with his son If you think he should have contact it might be worth filing an application in the courts to order him to see his son, though if he really won't comply then it might be a waste of time and energy.

just because he doesnt want contact doesnt mean he shouldnt pay you for his son though. maintenance and contact should be kept entirely seperate, but even so, this is completely seperate from your divorce.

Hope that helps, and sorry you are in this position.

on the divorce petition there is a bit called 'statement of arrangements for children' this is a short sentence so judge granting the divorce knows what both parties have agreed

and bees,sorry,but there is no way a court could force contact. no way at all

It is sad but also a relief. As much as he may love his son he doesn't understand that love is also the way you treat someone and actions. He can not handle the responsibility (very very broken life and past) and can not cope with raising a child and having the heart ache of trying to travel for contact (that would be supervised, again unfortunately due to a bad past) only monthly or so. He wants to shut my son out of his mind so that he can cope. It's all very sad and I am sorry it has come to this but I gave him as many chances as I could. Thanks for your help. It was very useful. also thanks for the tip about the clean break thing!

Thanks bees, thanks tiffany!

Has he tried going on a parenting course and an anger management course.

Don't know your full situation of course but your ds has a right to see his father, and you should be doing what you can to ensure this happens.
Even if contact has to be in a contact centre to start with, you should try and get him to do this.

The way your ex behaves with you may not be the way he is with his ds if he is given the chance. Even people with a crappy upbringing can be good parents, given the chance and the willingness to learn.
Of course you can't make your ex do this if he really won't. But perhaps you could both have some mediation about this to help explore the possibility...?

Your ds will ask you when he is older (and this is heartbreaking believe me). He may also go looking for him at some point. What's he going to find when he does?

I understand your post gilly but unfortunately it is not as simple as that. Like I say I gave him as many chances as I could and tried my best in these to encourage him. it is not that people with bad past can't be parents. I know several good parents from bad upbringings. It is about his ability to commit and stick around his kids and family. Unfortunately my son is not the first of his kids to be abandoned several times over. My son will indeed want to know his father and when that times comes I will get in contact with H. Things like his ability to parent or anger is not the issue. He runs back to his old life. He has tried to have help from many places and none of these successful. When i said we are young I should have said I was young. This is the way he has been for a long time now. Sadly he is going in cirles. I said it is a relief because while my son is very young I don't want all the uncertainty of will his dad turn up, wont he, will he see him in the next three months, is he there, does he care, will he be in prison, etc... I do not hate H. I feel so sorry for him and it breaks my heart that he is missing out on his kids because he cant get past his own defensiveness. My son knows no different at the moment. All he knows is mummy. It is very complex but I can assure you I have done my best. Everyone thinks I am nuts for the amount I have tried but I can see the good in H and I do love him. Believe me, this isn't what I wanted.

Also gilly I don't think it's fair for you to tell people what they should do in their circumstances that you don't know about although I do understand where you are coming from. Thanks all the same but I was asking about the divorce only. I hope I have answered your queries.

Gilly is right tbh. I have a 10 year old dd who is still heartbroken at the way her dad walked away and decided he didn't want contact. At least if you try to get your H to see his son then you can tell ds that you tried.

Well that's the thing slimbo. I have seen how hurt his other two sons have been by their father's behaviour. They have never once known where they stood and that is what they have struggled with so much. It has completely broken the oldest. Thankfully the youngest (now 10) was too young to understand at the time and has accepted (though still hurt) that his father would not stick around. Because the oldest (now 12) has seen his father on and off he is confused and really struggling in life.

That will not happen to my son. He will be hurt and heartbroken, I know that, but I will try and help him in that as much as I can.

Like I said. I DID try. I tried my damnest to get the father to stick around his son but when it became clear that things were going to go with my son like they did with his other two I called it quits (and can I add that this was after him walking maybe 7 times?!) Now I am out of that situation and my head is clear I can see and it is a crazy idea to have my son hurt like hs father would unfortunately but inevitabley do to him.