I am sick to death of people saying 'but you are lovely, why are you single'

[MrsMorgan]

Well how the hell do I know, I just am.

I know they are just being nice, but really, I don't want to hear it.

I can't be that nice can I, if i have been single for bloody ever.

Rant over

what? youre ranting about being told youre lovely???

grrrr!!!....

Lol yes I am. Ok it is nice to be told, but I am sick of hearing the 'but why are you single' bit lol.

can see it may get a bit tedious - if its fellas that say it then grab the next decent one

If you're a bit fed up with them telling you you're lovely please can you send them my way .

Single 18 months so far and not likely to shack up with anyone for a few years. The minor matter of 2 pre-schoolers puts paid to that.

Lol well have been single for over 4yrs now so I am getting a little bit fed up of it.

I will gladly send them your way meglet.

Oh and it is women and men that say it but no decent ones yet lol.

aha!!
yet - is just a process of elimination then - when all the not so decent ones have gone there'll be the right one left - tell them to get a move on

...i'm not helping am i?

Lol, no you're not

This has always annoyed me (pre-motherhood, as well). I am single because I like being single. You could try smiling sweetly at people and saying 'Well I have very high standards.'

arghh sorry

well stay lovely then - and cherish the tv remote, you'll be fighting for it again soon

I've had this too.

I think it's because I'm so 'lovely' that I've put up with some pretty horrible partners in the past. They've burnt me badly and I am therefore far too cautious now. I simply expect them to be lying, doubt any sincerity in anything they say and have a sever lack of trust. Maybe I'll try saying that to my neighbours mother next time she chats to me and tells me what a good wife I'd make someone [hmmm]

The above, coupled with the fact I've been tied to the house with little money and extremely tired from doing it all myself with no help or breaks all the time (11 years and counting now) means I don't get out much; unless it's to things where other mums/couples are like school events. Likelyhood of picking up someone there is Nil!

Because I have little money I can't afford luxuries like nice clothes, make up, haircuts, beauty treatments... let alone the baby sitters, a meal, or even a coffee if I go out...
Being as most men are visually orientated and barely glance at me (which is actually fine with me right now, I want a man who is there for the long haul and sees the real me inside, not the fakeness of what money can buy for you).

And I simply can't justify the online dating agency fees, even though I hear it is the best way for us single mums to meet lots of people to go out for a quick coffee and see how you get on. It's a relentless spiral and to be hionest I'm glad I'm out of it.

When I look at the pretty things at work with their waxed eyebrows, false eyelashes, high heals (which they moan are uncomfortable), prety clothes and accessories, fake tans, fake nails, and £80 a time monthly haircuts it's easy to see why I don't get a sideways glance. And that's before you factor in that they have no baggage children, are free to socialise any day or night with plenty of disposable income to do so.

I just remind myself that most of them live at home with their parents still. Don't get me wrong, I can see why they do it (social pressures to conform, feel good about yourself, attract a man etc) and probably would myself if I could afford it. I just think it's more important to feed and cloth my child and put a roof over our heads now.
I guess that makes me too boring for most men too. When I do look on dating sites the men on there seem to enjoy travelling, filling their free time with expensive hobbies and are looking for someone fun and interesting.

Can't blame them really. Who'd want my life!

Think it's none of anybody's business as to why you are 'still' single!

I am 46 and prefer older men but they invariably look haggard or are married so I suppose that is my reason but it is still nothing to do with any bugger else if you ask me!!

I would hate to get asked that.

In fact the talent out there is just so minimal it has even put me off 'looking' on sites I can't see the point they are always gross or look nothing like their fabulous photo.

I used to get that all the time too. Someone actually said to me once "What is wrong with you? Why are you still single?"! It was so annoying!!

I used to say things like, "it's because I'm fussy about the company I keep" and give them a big smile, or "I'm just picky" or, "I cant find any men with any integrity". They are all fair reasons.

I wouldnt settle for just anyone, rather than someone special.

Keep your chin up! They are probably jealous!

I;ve had comments like this..... [head cocked to one side] "you'll meet somebody". I'd rather get a house and a car tbh... Other things I want more and people don't say to me "one day you'll own your own home".. I'd rather hear that.

People just assume that you're cut from the same cloth they are.

Gillybean, you are very wise. To be honest, I wish I had a circle of friends like you in real life. That's what I would like more than a new (and probably fleeting) relationship.

All of my friends are either married or single with no children. I would like to meet more people who are in that middle camp. I watch the pennies too, but I like to think my children are getting an old fashioned sort of childhood and so far haven't really done without anything essential. I can usually find the cash for a glass of wine or a coffee though.

I've been a lone parent for over 10 years and like GB2 I have very little money and not much time either.

I don't have many friends because I've spent the last 10 years being a single mum, getting qualifications, and working - not much time for anything else.

I feel awkward with lots of couples around; especially knowing that probably most of them are in crap marriages but stick it out because they couldn't bare to be like me (I have one friend who admits his 25yr marriage has always been difficult but they hoped kids would eventually make it work, and now they stay together because of them!).

There are very few decent men around but I've been trying to get my head around being single for so many years. It would be easier if I had a social life to take my mind off the constant boredom of just me but short of my local WI, and the church, I'm scuppered.

If anyone knows of any good social societies, please let me know. Living in a village may help pay for the house but it does nothing for the rest of my life... why can't I get a nice well paid job in London so I can go out in the evenings and not be starred at like I have 3 heads!

Because I am picky.

Have been single (except for a one period of dating and a couple of FWB) since split with exh four years ago.

I work ft and don't get much free time either.

My social life generally suffers because of that.

To be quite honest I don't really want a partner again (particularly live in) unless he was absolutely exceptional and could blend in effortlessy with my life and dcs life.

I would have to be 100% sure he would not turn out to be controlling like my exh. Because I can't risk any further damage to my dcs.

Inresting what you say GB about the young girls at work.

TBH I see them as being in a completely different category to me and different type of men would be attracted to them.

TBH I think the easy route is to be with someone. And if you were prepared to settle it would be quite easy to find a new cocklodger partner.

One guy I went on a date with made it clear he was looking for a new partner/wife. He was divorced with three kids. We didn't really hit it off in RL, the date went badly and I wasn't really attracted to him physically (I am really short and he was about six foot four and was also self conscious about it) but we stayed friends for a bit - now hey presto he is engagedand they all went on holiday en famille within about four months of meeting. Good luck to him if that's what he wanted (or thought he wanted).

He recently deleted me off fb possibly because fiance didn't like us being friends??? We weren't that friendly tbh Have no idea why but never mind.

Shame because he was really into football as am I and we also have similar age dcs and I like the odd chat with him on fb. And chatting online we got on well.

Perhaps it was the right thing because a few months ago he was working in my area and whilst I would have liked to meet him for a coffee he was angling to come round.

I said no because I was never really interested in him in that way and also I thought it was pretty low of him considering he was now engaged.

But there you go - people go through the motions - ie settling without really thinking about it. Has taken a rather long time to get to the point. Being lovely has nothing to do with being in a serious relationship.

Agree with everything Valium said.

Especially -would love a circle RL friends like here on MN.

And Sincity,you are right,it would be easier to find and settle for a cocklodger man who wanted family life,than to find an excellent circle of women to meet up and have stimulating conversation and chat with....while working ft and bringing up 5 dc.

I often wonder about being really upfront on a dating website :

" Fascinating,bright,creative and beautiful single mother of 5 ,seeks gentle,considerate,sexy and grown-up man for stimulating, insightful and witty conversation,evenings out and extremely rare day trips (when children's fathers can co coordinate contact arrangements )

Totally up for hot sex as and when can be appropriately arranged around children,depending on physical attraction/personal hygiene.

Possibility of inclusion in family life should sufficient trust and chemistry ensue but unlikely to consider shared living arrangements at any point.

I feel it is important to state before you respond,that I am financially self sufficient and secure in my accommodation.I am competent at DIY ,can get the car sorted,put out bins and handle rudeness.

I believe I am parenting my children very well.They see their fathers with whom I maintain a polite,friendly relationship ,for everyone's sake.
Our household rules are fine and no one needs pulling up about anything.

I had some bad luck with previous relationships and will not make the same mistakes again,but feel no shame and do not consider myself a "victim".

I am sure we can both find many shared interests and allow one another the respect and space to pursue the ones we don't share.

Lots of cuddles.Lots of personal space.Mutual adoration,respect and consideration essential."

Do you think I'd get many winks?

Actually PM I think you would get loads!! Most men will read the hot sex bit and fall over. A lot dont want the responsibility of other families anyway. You could have written my profile - except you have more children than me