Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Can I ask how much child maintenance you get?

56 replies

SingleMumAndProud · 23/07/2010 10:10

Sorry for the personal question but...
I have split with DH and rang CMoptions and they have said he needs to give me £40 a week.

We have a 1 year old and a 2 year old.

He is on a low wage but I still thought it would be more than that.

He has moved back in with his Mum so its hardly like he has to pay out for a house or anything (like I do!!).

I have suggested he pays me £200 a month so thats a bit extra. But when he left, every bill we have was in arrears and its all in my name for me to sort out and I am completly financially stuck.

OP posts:
ChocHobNob · 24/07/2010 09:13

Wilts - have they mentioned a liability order at all? Against any property he owns? They can't attach Deduction of Earnings to self employed so they normally have to go down the route of a liability order. Of course, there are ways to escape even that if they are hell bent on it though.

Wilts · 24/07/2010 09:17

Single- he does not see Ds . He has liability orders against him where it has gone to court. But the CSA have sent bailiffs round and say he has ' nothing of value' to take. I am sure he has used fake addresses in the past, eg 'renting' a room at a friends house, so there is nothing of value.

I can't understand why he has not been forced into some payment agreement via the court, like a CCJ or something.
I did actually receive the grand sum of £30 by way of compensation from the CSA for their spectacular cock ups. Including the one in which they has sent over a years worth of correspondence to another person at a different address, detailing all of mine and DS1's personal details

valiumSingleton · 24/07/2010 09:18

not one red cent.

SingleMumAndProud · 24/07/2010 10:12

Wilts - is there any way you can get legal advice? Have you been to the CAB? Or you could get legal aid to fund a solicitor?

IMO if they dont take resonsability then they should be visiting. Otherwise he is just getting the good side of everything. If he couldn't afford it then thats different.

OP posts:
Wilts · 24/07/2010 10:14

Single- I don't have the energy to deal with it anymore. I would rather not have the money.

We are also going through step parent adoption at present, so he won't have to pay any money soon anyway.

valiumSingleton · 24/07/2010 10:59

Me too. I could go to court but I figure that I am managing just with the help of my parents. I know that the children won't suffer. Actually, it is that certain knowledge which my x takes advantage of. He knows for all his huffing and puffing that I make sacrifices for the children. Something he has always demanded that I do, but something he's never been able to do himself. So the children are fine, I'm broke and he's driving around in a Porsche! I am not kidding btw. BUT he is the one who will have to explain this to his adult children one day, and it's not going to be easy like he thinks. He believes that he will tell them what a bitch I was and how he had to pay me back for that by not contributing to their upbringing to 'show me'. He thinks that they will see his side and forgive him and hate me for leaving such a wonderful man! .

SingleMumAndProud, yes, my x has all the benefits and none of the sacrifices, he comes to see them whenever he likes but won't contribute. It isn't right. But I have relegated him to some sort of uncle. If he contributed I would send him photos, email him to invite him to school plays etc, give him a photocopy of school reports.

He has made the decision to relegate himself by not contributing though, so I treat him like that person who cruises in and cruises out.

lilac21 · 24/07/2010 17:15

I get £440 a month, based on roughly 2/3 of month girls with me, 1/3 with him - 20% of net income after boarding school fees deducted, less 1/3 because girls with him. Didn't use the CSA, but used their calculator and agreed between ourselves.

fifi121 · 24/07/2010 22:51

quite a lot of you ar lucky i only got £5 a wek for 3 children now that has stopped sad

HerBeatitude · 24/07/2010 22:56

None.

Am supposed to get £2.50 per week per child.

Don't ever imagine that the state expects men to pay a realistic sum to support their children.

Sorry.

The meejah is so full of shit about poor menz being bled dry by bitter harpy ex-wives, that it comes as a massvie shock to most new Lone Parents that they're only expected to pay a derisory amount. Really sorry you are in this situation, but it's why 5 years after divorce, most women are poorer than when they were married and most men are richer.

OptimistS · 24/07/2010 23:32

SingleMum, it seems like the £200 loan repayment is what is crippling you at the moment. I'd advise you to get to see a debt advisor at the CAB to consolidate your debts and make an arrangement for you to pay them back only at a rate you can afford, even if that will mean over a longer period (they usually freeze interest so that the debt doesn't continue to rise). Say you get it down to £50 per month, that's an extra £150 per month to cover everything.

I get 0 maintenance, btw, but even though I can't afford new clothes, a haircut or a takeaway, I can pay the mortgage, fill the food cupboards and buy the odd bottle of wine, so I count myself lucky.

SupermumB · 25/07/2010 08:34

I applied to the CSA 3 weeks ago after 2 years of trying to get my Ex to stick to an informal agreement of £80 per month. Some months it would be less and others nothing at all. He has been using the money situation to get back with me and I went to the CSA more to do with the fact that I don't want to have to deal with him at all (theres been violence).

From the CSA calculator he should be contributing £260 per month. I doubt very much that my daughter will ever see that. As for my unborn child, (due 1st sept) I won't even bother applying. I will continue to do what I've been doing for the last year, don't count on anything and if I get any money through see it as a bonus.

superdragonmama · 29/07/2010 00:05

My ex has moved jobs several times to avoid paying money he owes towards the upkeep of his children. He, like so many other men mentioned here, seems to think that he owes us nothing because I am Mrs Evil-who-must-be-punished ( 7 years ago I ended a pretty abusive marriage after 18 years and 3 children) , and he is convinced the kids will understand and accept his point of view: the eldest is now 20, and thinks his dad's attitude stinks, by the way.

I deal with his refusal to pay maintenance by phoning the CSA relentlessly every time he goes back to work, and insisting on having payments made to me through an attachment to his earnings, ie, payments are made to me directly from his employer, and my ex has no say in the matter. I always have to insist that this is done, and the CSA is often reluctant, but I ask and ask, phone every other day, ask to speak to supervisors if I am not getting any joy, etc. A supervisor/manager at the CSA told me that this was the best way of forcing them, the CSA, to deal with my case quickly as they are always busy, and the most insistent people will be dealt with first.

I've found that the CSA works very slowly but that they have to respond to requests for action and information, so the more frequently you phone, the more quickly they have to deal with your case.

My ex has just started working again after a 7 month break, and I have started my pursuit of maintenance. He owes about £650 from last year. I expect to start getting some funds in about 12 weeks, if I insist on an attachment to earnings, and the payments made to me will initially include the arrears.

So, be firm, and be insistent, be very persistent, phone the CSA every couple of days, don't be fobbed off - these ex's need to contribute to their children's upbringing!!!

Oh, and never depend on the money the ex's send - I've learnt that the hard way.

simpson · 29/07/2010 00:09

another one who gets nothing

onlyone · 07/08/2010 20:49

Ohmigod - I am beginning to realise how lucky I am and I was panicking about cash.

I used to give the DCs old clothes to the fucking whore who stole my husband and betrayed our friendship - she now does not want them. She can afford them her self - I wonder where the money comes from!!!

If any of you want to e mail me - I have boys clothes 2 -3 yrs the majority in pristine condition as DSs have been very light on their clothes os far.

This goes from shoes - barely worn, boden cords, t shirts coats etc. They both seemed to skip a size and grew really quickly and are in post 3 yr old clothes.

Happy to post.

faeriemoo · 08/08/2010 20:52

I get £30 per week for two kids. He used to pay £45 a week as he's still (2 years after we split) living with relatives and very low living costs, but someone suggested he went onto the CSA calculator with the lowest wage he gets and now he just pays that.

He doesn't have the kids at all overnight.

Iloveclimbinghills · 08/08/2010 20:59

Not a single mum but get no maintenance from dd's father.

SupermumB · 08/08/2010 21:38

Sorry I posted before. I have now been casing the CSA for 7 weeks as they claim that they have been unable to even get in contact with my Ex's employers to apply for an attachment to earning (Ex refusing to complete the paper work). His employer is Argos, has anyone else had this experience or are the CSA just fobbing me off?

roundthebend4 · 09/08/2010 08:31

older 2 noth even csa failed get anything from their dad

Dd and ds i get £2.50 a week in total not each ,though they informed me due to him having another child they will be redeucing it to £1.25 a week

LucyLouLou · 09/08/2010 19:05

I have just had the CM conversation with my unborn DD's father. Don't know if any of you read my post about how to talk to him about it, but anyways....

We have agreed on £60 per week (which is above the CSA required amount) from the day she is born and will be splitting costs for things such as birthday parties and the like. I'm well aware how lucky I am to have someone who is so supportive and willing to help financially. I don't think I could handle a fight at the moment! And judging by the things said here, I doubt I'd get much anyway!

HanBanan · 11/08/2010 19:06

Big fat zero

In my opinion when a man loses interest in a woman they give up any pretence of wanting to provide for the children she has given him

Goes like this:

'I don't want you anymore, but don't tell me I don't love my dd'
They move into their mum's or GFs and pay no rent etc.
Then once you work out it's over they say 'I'll give you 50 quid a week'
You wait a month or so for this to start
It lasts 3 weeks
Then nothing
When you approach them they say 'I'm skint / I haven't got much work on' etc etc
You wait a month and then get 20 quid a week for 3 weeks
He goes on holiday with his new GF
You wait another 3 weeks and eventually he pays up for another couple of weeks
You get no help for birthdays or christmas
Then eventually he just stops paying anything and you give up chasing it and accept he's a twat

Basically they couldn't give a shit and you just have to get on with it.

SMJM · 12/08/2010 22:42

I am meant to get £27 a week which is'nt much. but havn't got any for over 2 mths

sincitylover · 12/08/2010 23:08

for those of you who get nothing what are you using to pay for day to day stuff plus housing costs etc?

My exh does pay me 20% of his net income plus I work full time but still find it hard to make ends meet.

Strikes me that the government or the Daily Mail never make an issue out of this would rather blame the single mothers - it's a disgrace and surely something should be done about it.

SexuallyInactive · 17/08/2010 12:47

Zilch for 3 children, aged 7 and 4.

CSA determines he must pay $29.67 (or some such shit) a month, in total. We don't get that. I said on another thread he is a twatty tool. I did not say that in jest.

My ex husband is a wealthy -ish man but because of the business he makes a loss. Cunt.

We do not suffer though, I am careful with money and the children will never go without the essentials.

I am fed up to my back teeth with the media portraying the women as greedy bitches while the poor, poor fucking men are crying into their beer.

My situation is made worse by the fact that we were married 11 years and we went through IVF to have these children, not exactly unplanned - not that it matters.

There are good men out there though, I do have a few single dads in my circle of good friends who do pay a reasonable amount of money plus other things. It is only the twats who spoil it for others.

That is all.

pklee · 08/02/2015 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lacksdirection · 15/02/2015 13:22

I get absolutely nothing. CSA managed to get a whole 20 pounds out of xp over a space of 4 weeks when he claimed JSA for those 4 weeks.
Other than that, nothing.