I've realised that I have no one, not a single friend and I don't know what to do

[GonnaGoCrazy]

Very recently split with DP, I hadn't realised that I actually lost my friends too because I didn't see any of them when we were together. They didn't really get on with DP and just sort of drifted away.

My children have gone away with their father for 2 weeks and for the last couple of days I haven't spoken to another person at all. I don't think saying thank you when I get my change from the shop counts

I text my old friends a few times and haven't heard back at all. I am not close to my family, I see them Christmas and family get togethers but not really at any other time.

I am so lonely. I have only been out the house a cople of times for a newspaper and some bread. I don't have a clue what to do with myself for the next 2 weeks.

I was like this when the Dc's first started going to their dads.

Being on here is a good start. It may not help you this time but it will help you build friendships ready for next time.

I am sure there will be someone local that you could meet with

I really feel for you. I managed to very successfully isolate myself before I had my DD and now really wish I didn't live hundreds of miles from most of my friends... It's so hard.

Is there even one friend who you were particularly close to previously? I do think it's worth trying again with your friends. Even if you might have to concede that they were right about your exP just to get the ball rolling.

you can post on your local board and see if there are people there that want to make friends

you could see if there are any courses at your local college - I know not now but for september - then you would do a course that you are interested in and meet people. I meet and have stayed friends with a few people form a course I did.

You could see if there are any singles groups in your area - these are not sating grups and if you do hook up you have to leave! Google and see whats around or look in the newspaper.

Sprots groups - my local paper lists rambling groups and the times they meet, cycling clubs and the times they meet.

Hisotry groups or other types that you may meet people.

I am not sure whther age concern have any volunteers for chats with older lonley people - that may be pleastant.

All these things may be later but at least you have the time to look into things like this now and actualyl gain a bit of a social scene

Thank you, its just come as a bit of a shock to suddenly be so alone.

I have been looking at local events and groups but i'm not sure I would have the confidence to go alone, I don't really know how people make friends anymore if that makes sense.

I don't think I will be able to get my old friends back to be honest, everyones lives have moved on and its been 6 months since i've seen them, i've missed birthdays, christenings and really been a useless friend. I tried explaining that to them in a text but no reply still. I only had a few friends to begin.

What do people on there own do all day? I've read a couple of books, watched the tv etc.

Get onto facebook and start catching up with people.

Also, join a toddler group or daytime course thing, or get friendly with work colleagues.

Where do you live?

I go for a long bike ride - it is lovely aving the freedom, and then stop and have a picnic lunch and cycle home

Go to the gym

have a swim at the gym

are you sensing a theme

if I want to chat I use the sauna as there is alway someone to chat in the sauna

I go and buy a magazine and sit in the local coffee shop enjoying the peace

could you take off for the weekend?

what county are you in?

i would go YHA - as there are lots lots of people on their own in YHA's

Could you pack your bag and go tommorow?

you may get a room in a dorm.

Whats a YHA?

I'm in the West Midlands, I will try and activate my facebook account again although there isn't many people on it anymore to be honest (many of my contacts got deleted as they were unsuitable by my dp)

I'll go for a walk with the dog tomorrow, maybe do the garden for a bit if its not raining.

I lost my job a couple of months ago so money is very tight, my kids are older and in primary school so I couldn't take them to toddler groups although they would probably enoy it

I will probably feel more positive in the morning, just having a bit of a low moment.

Making the first move back into 'society' is always hard. There are some good ideas up there, such as going along to local events, if you don't like it, you can just leave. I would suggest doing some volunteering with local conservation groups or Samaritans as these are organisations that will be used to having people on their own come in for information and to offer their services.

When I split from my partner I went out for dinner and played a lot of scrabble on my own now two years down the line, I'm in college, have met old friends on the street who I'm back in contact with and do some volunteer work. Don't be disheartened, it takes time to build a new social circle.

I dont have time to post properly but I am totally with you on this one. Me and DH moved to a whole new area earlier this year. He moved out 2 weeks ago, back to the old area. I don't know anybody here and feel very much like you.

I will write back properly later on today when I can talk properly.

Haave you tried joining things at school or in your local community. PTA, local shows, drama groups etc are always looking for volunteers and it will keep some of that free time filled up if you're making costumes or planning a fete for example.

Lots of churches have groups such as mother's union etc, if you don't mind the churchy stuff.

It's such a shock when you get time to yourself it's really easy to forget all those jobs you could be doing. Name tags in school uniform, painting their bedroom while away, clearing out the loft, sorting your photos...

Hi,

Thanks for all your comments and tips. I took the dog for a long run in the park today and had a walk round some of the shops local to us.

I do have a big job of sorting my spare room out to get on with, so that'll keep me busy tomorrow. Also picked up the forms for my provisional driving license so thats a start with that, I think i'll have a bit more freedom and opportunities when i'm driving.

I'll hopefully be able to get a job soon but if not i'll speak to the school after the holidays. I know given time things will seem easier but right now its so quiet and dull at home, I never realised how much I needed my kids around me.

oh, do I understand where you're coming from. At first I was so desperate to get back to Uk as over ther years my life aqbroad had become just my controlling ex and dc. At first when I was alone I thought I was soo lonely and so unable to start new rambling clubs or even find a job. One year later its not perfect but I am becoming more sociable, accepting invitations, starting to make friends, interests etc and my selöf-confidence is growing. Don't be scared to accept where your at, enjoy walk with dog, look forward to driving licence and keep a sense of humour about it all-good luck! For me mumsnet was a lifeline at first!

I went to see my Great Aunt a few years ago, just before she died, at her 90th birthday party. What I learned from her is that it is never too late to make new friends, but it requires effort. One of her guests told me how nice she had been to her when she moved to the village 8 years ago. I think they had started chatting at church, then got together for 'morning coffee' - my GA was very into her 'morning coffee' get -togethers. My GA had always been on her own, therefore had always needed to make an effort, which she continued to do right through her life. I don't know if this is useful or not, but I remembered coming away thinking that you really need to make effort, invite people round, arrange get-togethers, etc. if you want to develop friendships. I've moved around a lot, that's why I remembered it at the time.

You could maybe try and re-establish your contacts on Facebook and post a message about wanting to get together with some friends as you now have some spare time?

I live in West London and feel soo alone, best friend passed away 2 years and no one to take her place. I have the odd acquaintances but know one to call if something exciting happens to me, awful when its sunny and no where to go, always me and DD off on our walks, or visits to the park.....But important what Effjay says you have to make an effort.

Do you work? If not, can you get a job? There is one way of making a whole new circle of friends, ones that don't know you as you were with your ex. That means you can start being you again. Plus it gives you a life outside your own one as a mother - which sounds weirder than I intend. I love being a mum, more than my job, but sometimes it is nice to talk with adults about things unrelated to anything to do with children!

Also, as previously mentioned, Facebook is a great way to start getting back in contact with old friends. Slowly and surely they will come back to you.

It is hard, after a break up, especially a messy one. I never realised how isolated I had become, how manipulated and stupid I had become. Now I am me again, my dts flourish at school despite ex still behaving like an unmentionable. You have to find your own feet again and it will take time.

Agree that getting involved with the PTA at school would be a great way to meet people. Unfortunately you probably won't be able to do that until your children are back at school so what about registering here on the Woman & Home Magazine forum website and start getting in touch with people now?

As you have a dog to walk you could try the Walking Club thread and meet someone local to you to walk with or there's the Supper Club board. I think initially they meet for a coffee and then for regular meals out or at home. Great if you enjoy cooking or want to brush up on your cooking skills.

Or there's the Meet Up section on here. Either reply to a thread local to you or start your own. I've met two lovely friends through Mumsnet and another on the Netmums meet a mum board so give them a try too.

It's difficult meeting up with complete strangers but what's the worse that could happen? If you make a complete fool of yourself or don't click then you're no worse off than you are now if you never see them again. However, you just might meet someone you get on well with so take the plunge.

Good luck!

I've been in a similar position for years. When me xH and I split I lost all my friends.

I now have only a few and because most of them are work friends my weekends are often very lonely.

I am on the lone.parents.org.uk board and they have a live chat room which is great for some real world contact.

I have also just found a local cinema groups which I hope to join, and a local supper club (although there is a minumum age limited so I need to wait until I'm 45 - not that long sadly).

Because I worked I never really did any of the school gate thing, and I do find that most couples aren't terribly comfortable having a single friend over.

I would love to meet some people who'd like to do some cultural things maybe once every few months in London, but am not sure how to do it - if anyone has any ideas on how to set something up, please let me know.

without - are you in london?
which is the supper club? (i am the right age, yikes)
up for cultural things - tho takes planning for baby sitting DS (has SN)

Hi Cestlaviedlife, sadly I'm not in London but it's only about 90 mins from me by train so I do try to go there when I can.

The supper club I found is for 45-60 yr olds - there is one out of Guildford too if you are near there.

Luckily my kids are old enough not to need sitting - and can get home from school by bus. But if you're up for a cultural thing, that would be great

Hi I am in London and in the same boat really.

All my friends live abroad now and when things were do bad with ex h I didn't want to talk to anyone anyway so everyone just drifted away.

I tend to go to the gym, cinema and shopping when my kids are with their Dad, I don't mind being alone, like my own company but it would be nice to have someone to chat with sometimes or meet up with.

I live in London too, you would think living in such a busy place it would be easy to make friends but I'm in the same position, my friends drifted away as they didnt have any children when I had dd.
How old are your dc, could you do a college course, thats what I've done for the past year. If they arent at school, most colleges have creches but they do fill up quick. I think colleges are enroling next week. If they are younger, what about toddler groups, I met some nice mums there but when our dc went to different schools I hardly saw them. Before college, when my dd went to school sometimes I didnt speak all day until she came home from school because there was no-one to talk to, so I know how lonely it can get. Lots of good advice from others on here. Good Luck.

oh this is making me feel a bit better, as I am in the same position as lots of people posting here...

I lost loads of friends 7 years ago when I split up with long term bf, then my friends didn't like dh and then when I confided in my best friends when he left me when I was pregnant, he never forgave me for it and although he came back, I couldn't have her over to the house, so we drifted apart.

Its strange, I value friends so so highly, but I have really screwed things up, and I am really bad at making friends, I look really confident and confiding, except its all an act and no one ever seems to want to know the real me.

Anyway, am not really in the right state to make friends now [dh walked out on sunday, and i am left holding the baby literally], but it gives me courage that there are other people out there like me who maybe might want to be friends in the future...

Do I see a meeting up being something we could arrange?

I too really value friends but seem to have lost more than I have ever kept.

Sorry about your H leaving - good luck, stay strong and keep posting