Having a bad day

[single1ds]

Hi
Just haing one of those days where i am feeling overwhelmed, angry, sad, hopeless. i need to get myself out of it. been on my own a year now. my h picks up son and just wont speak, he just stands there i am so frustrated. no support from parents..
son becoming demanding (nearly 3) just fed up and think is this going to be my life forever. feel like i am failing. bed is full of ironing to be done. just need some words of encouragement. i am sure all single parents feel like this sometimes(?), or am i really on my own and feeling sorry for myself? if i could just cry to get it out, but i cant :-(

no your not on your own. I've been a lp for 14 years and you'd think i'd be used to being on my own but i still have bad days. When my dd was younger and i was having a bad day, all the boring stuff like housework would take a back seat and i would take my dd out. I didnt have alot of money but its amazing how packing a little picnic and going to the park and having fun with your child can cheer you up. But if you need to have a cry then just do it if it makes you feel better. You are not the only one who feels like this, we all have days like this.

What is this word 'ironing' of which you speak? Both myself and the kids have enjoyed many a day of the crinkled look . Really they don't mind, too busy dribbling food down their shirt and jumping about in dirt

agree, unless your going for an interview why bother (even then if your wearing a jacket no need ). Another thing i used to do is put some music on loud and have a dance around with dd, that used to tire her out and release some of my bottled-up stress/anger.

My ironing mountain covers a whole chair in the lounge. Have to iron work clothes, and I actually quite enjoy ironing (only house work I do enjoy). But I only do it if I have the time and energy.

House work can wait (till well after the dc are grown imo). Take time out for yourself when you have a day like this. We all have them and I have been a lp for over 11 years now.
Sit in your pj's all day, watch tv and eat chocolate if you feel like it. It won't matter. Sometime you just need a bit of time to allow yourself to grieve and be upset, cry and feel sorry for yourself. You have every right to feel that way. And letting it out can be so theraputic.

Re your ex saying nothing at the door. He has probably been advised to do this to avoid confontation in front of your ds, or to give you/him any kind of inkling things may improve between you. Don't take it personally. It is probably better this way for now, until you can both really move on. That will happen one day, but it takes way longer than you'd ever imagine.
If you need to discuss things with him then maybe try a handover book. You can write things in it and pass it over when you handover. Ask him (but don't expect him) to do the same.
So if you need to say he's teething, is getting over a cold, has been invited to a party which clashes with next contact can he take him, etc then write it in the book.

No you are not alone and no you are not a failure! It is hard to juggle everything and deal with communicating with your ex but you will get there. You just need to cut yourself some slack, take it day by day, treat yourself in lots of little ways and slowly but surely it will all get better. It is still very much early days for you.

Really sorry for you, Single, but good advice from all of the above. Also, it doesn't last forever, it really doesn't.

Is there a parents and toddlers' group near you? The beehive clubs saved my life when I was younger and in a similar position. Being with other kids, other mums ... Takes the edge off.

I'd go out now, if I were you. Just get out of the four walls. Go to the park, feed the ducks and come home. Wish I could make you a cup of tea.

hi all
sorry it took a while to get back,have been to work. thanks for your encouragement. think i am only just beginning to accept,but it is one step forward and two back. work helps in some ways but not in others. i have totally lost my confidence and feel about an inch high. picked up ds from ex flat tonight and cryed on the way there, why can i STILLnot beleive what has happened? dealt with him ok and on my way home just as i was passing the church we got married in, our first dance song came on, tears rolling down my cheeks but son didnt notice. feel much better able to deal with ds after work, as in "work"mode, does that make sense.? anyway, thanks xx will get there eventually

One day at a time. Take care. XX

Hi

I can totally relate to you single1ds. It has been 9 months for me since H left me and our DD and I am really beating myself up over lots of things... one of the biggest ones like you is asking myself why can I still not believe this has happened... why can I not let go , why am I still wishing that I could have our family back together despite the fact that I actually question if I even like him any more much less love him. I cry every day still (might have something to do with 3 week old DS ) in disbelief over what happened.

And yes -I too struggle with weekends as no structure and you have to have something planned don't you as you are so busy rushing in the week that you less time to dwell on things.

I'm sorry I don't have any answers either but just wanted you to know that you are most certainly not alone in your sadness and disbelief....and If I hear one more person tell me that time is a great healer.... well actually I don't mind that as I do know its true... but where is the fast forward button ?!

I still have moments when I feel desperately sad that my marriage didn't work and it's been 8 years since I left my husband and 5 and a half since I last saw him. Even though he was violent and abusive I still miss him sometimes when I do things, hear songs, go places that I know we would have enjoyed together.

It passes to a point where it doesn't happen as regularly, but the pain still hurts when it does hit you. One day at a time petal. That's all you can do.

would love to have a fast forward button in my life, wouldn't that be great......

Sometimes it might seem that way, that fast forward to a time when the pain is less would be good.
But it's the passing of time that makes things easier. You need that time to grieve and get your life back on track.

If you fast forward you just blur everything out, and you end up in teh future with nothing changed. If that's what you want then you can zombie your way through it on pills from the doctor.

But you'll miss out on so many memories with your dc. You'll fast forward past their school plays, their excitement with the tooth fairy and Christmas. Birthdays, learning to ride their bike and so much more. It is those things that make you realise that you're better off, help you to smile and get you through those really bad days.

Of course you will have really bad days too. But you will get through, and you will look back and see the good things that happened in that time while you were wishing the pain would lesson and enough time had passed for that to happen.

It's part of the healing processes. Accept it and allow yourself to grieve, cry if you want (and if you can't don't worry about that either, tears will come in time). Move forward with your life at the pace you need to in order to cope. Which may not be the pace you'd like too.