reigniting old flame - yay or nay?

[BellevilleRendezvous]

thought i would post here rather than relationships for advice as you fellow lone parents are more likely to "get it" than those with the luxury of partners or babysitters on tap etc etc...

anyway. was seeing a man in a very casual no strings way for a few months earlier this year. he was going through a divorce and tbh I got a bit hacked off with him talking about the divorce and offloading onto me about it the whole time. got to a point when I just didn't call him, he got the message and hasn't been in touch either.

today he has been in touch (weird as I was thinking about him randomly earlier today), just left a message saying hi, how are things, call me. nothing else but I know if I call him he will ask me out.

so ... do I just not bother because this isn't going anywhere, he is not LT (or any term, it is just casual) relationship material.

or ... do I just enjoy the attention, being taken out for dinner, having adult conversation and possibly a few more benefits? have no other "romantic" prospects on the horizon, have been too busy enjoying life and doing my own stuff to worry about dating. but you know how it is, sometimes the lack of someone to have dinner and more with feels a bit sad.

obviously if his first (or second or third...) conversational gambit is to blather on about his divorce again then I won't be bothering full stop.

thoughts welcome please ... thanks!

sorry that was a bit incomplete. it wasn't just the divorce chat that was a turn off, he is a workaholic (surgically attached to his blackberry) too and not great at sticking to arrangements - not last minute but family stuff kept cropping up so we had to cancel or postpone things.

on the plus side he has lovely manners,is interesting, family orientated and is very generous. oh and is the only man in sight interested in me in this way. I only know loved-up couples!

hmmmmm theres a reason he's in your past- if theres no benefit for him to be in your life then i would walk away - sorry

hi Lima thanks for replying - you may be right. feels a bit like, he calls, I instantly jump to it and go back to going out with him. but some of me thinks, why not just enjoy the casual side of it.... will keep thinking it through!

That's a tough one.

Yes the company and occassional evening out and added benefits is very tempting. But as you said the relationship isn't going anywhere and won't be.

More importantly, you mention you are happy doing your own stuff and enjoying life right now. Seems you are ideally placed to meet someone who will appreciate you at ome point. Also sounds like you weren't too happy when he was on the scene before with him letting you down and being wrapped up in his own work/divorce world.

Don't step back to that place of making do and being miserable less than happy with him again.

It's probably something in the air because I've been thinking about my ex a bit lately and wondering whether to contact him. I know I shouldn't, he is really bad for me and makes me miserable, but I miss having someone to hold me, to talk too and those added benefits too!

Can really understand the feelings of someone is better than no one. You didn't say that but am guessing that's why you came to lone parent thread

I think you know that he's unlikely to have changed. Maybe you need to prove that to yourself before you finally leave him alone? I guess you're hoping that he's moved on from the divorce stage and now realises he was an arse dumping it all on you. Ime workaholic men, surgically attached to their blackberry, find it really hard to do anything else. Much as they might want to or try too. But that's just ime. He may be different of course...

YES gillybean - "someone is better than no one" sums it up! I'm not unhappy alone but with no other prospect in sight (and me not bothering to go in search atm) I guess this is the easy way to find a bit of male attention and company.

so I either waste a phone call and an evening (and get that old let-down / disappointed feeling) when nothing has changed.

OR I leave well alone and feel perhaps more confident and happy and empowered for saying I'm fine actually

OR he has moved on from the divorce and we have a few more nice evenings without his ishoos in the way. but who am I kidding right? that blackberry is still going to be the third person on each date.

I think I've made up my mind! thank you for helping to clarify - sometimes just putting it down on screen and getting a couple of views is so helpful.

Glad to have helped you sort your thoughts out. It is tough though. I'm sitting here sorely tempted to text my ex. I know it's really not worth it though, still doesn't stop me wanting to do it for the fringe benefits for some male company.

well if it helps ... don't do it! as Lima said above - there's a reason this person is in your past. thanks for your help.